Family Tradition
by content1
Summary: What happens when Bella, Jacob, and Nessie experience the Cullens' Valentine Day tradition for the first time. Runner up in the Giggle/Snort 2011 awards - Best Supernatural/Small Fry.
1. Edward and Bella

Author's Notes: The first two outtakes originated in Harvest Moon, my first story, and are the basis for requests for further chapters. I have left them as original as possible reordering a few things to flow logically and changing some of the wording to make it T appropriate.

I was too lazy to rewrite the rules into another chapter so I am posting the Edward/Bella sections first. The first outtake should actually be the last in the series as it happens after the Cullen celebration in Forks. The second chapter will start on Valentine's Day, and the rest of the chapters will flow logically.

However for those that have not read Harvest Moon, please find the below points of reference for this story.

The scene in chapter one takes place in Esme's new home in Chicago, located directly next to Edward's childhood home. It occurs several days after Valentine's Day. The Cullen siblings have joined them there.

Anna is a vampire who the Cullens meet in Chicago.

The reference to the football game may be confusing. Suffice it to say the Cullens engaged in a football knockdown in which Edward, Jacob, and Seth are dubbed "Team Oreo" by Emmett based upon the difference in skin coloring. Rosalie joins the group for the game.

In my other story, another hybrid vampire baby is found by the wolf pack. Jacob delivers the baby, whom they name Henry, to Rosalie and Emmett to raise.

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EPOV

Alice had been rapidly unpacking the suitcases and patted the area on the floor beside her and Bella for me to sit down. Esme had ungraciously allowed Emmett to drag the Avocado Green sofa back over until a replacement could be found. Anna looked to the stacks of awkwardly wrapped gifts sitting in the floor in front of Bella and I. Alice realized her confusion and began to explain.

"The Cullens have a special tradition. We buy each other gag gifts for Valentine's Day. Bella brought Edward to Chicago this year so they weren't there to experience the shame along with the rest of us. Since we were all going to be here together, I figured what better place for them to un-wrap their presents."

"She probably paid more for the extra baggage to carry these, than the presents are worth total," Emmett teased.

Nessie leaned over to Anna saying, "The idea is to find the cheapest gift you can, the winners are voted on by the group. Jacob and I took the prize this year. We purchased ours at a yard sale. Jacob got everything for under ten dollars."

Alice looked to Bella. "Why don't you go first? This is your first time of experiencing our little tradition."

Bella looked a little uncertain. She had never been one to enjoy being in the limelight. She reached for the first package, it was long and thin. It was wrapped in what appeared to be a paper gown from the hospital. I saw Carlisle grin from the corner of my eye and realized that she had chosen his gift first. As she turned it over a loud buzzing sound emanated from the gift and Bella froze for a moment. Carlisle began to snicker and Bella looked to him.

"Yours?" she asked.

He nodded his head affirmatively. She carefully peeled back the tape and revealed an Operation Game. It was well worn and I noticed a sandwich bag taped to the front with the appropriate bones inside. The operating tweezers were loose, and had obviously hit some of the metal causing the buzzing sound.

"For all those times I had to stitch you up," Carlisle announced. Emmett hooted, earning a glare from Bella and a triumphant look from Alice.

"You're out," Alice announced pointing to both Carlisle and Emmett.

Bella and Anna looked to her confused.

"Nessie forgot to tell you that the game also includes a winning spot for the person that can contain their laughter until the end of each person's presents. He or she gets to either pick a prize or enforce someone's usage of their gift."

Bella shook her head side to side but continued to the next present. It was tied into a brown plastic grocery bag. I felt Alice tense slightly and heard the National Anthem in her head. Obviously the next package was from her.

Bella stuck her finger through the plastic ripping it open. A pile of brown polyester landed in her lap. She held the first item up and it was a jacket to a leisure suit. Bella's lips quirked slightly. Rose's eyes had went wide, and Henry began laughing hysterically having picked up on the atmosphere in the room.

Carlisle having already been eliminated began to roll in the floor in front of Esme. "Brown…..polyester…Ha!...goes along with the house…." Esme nudged him none to gently with her foot. Emmett joined in with the laughter feeling free to enjoy himself without the parameters of the game.

"Bella is seriously fashion challenged," Alice explained, looking over to Anna

"Alice does not understand comfort. By the way Alice did the purple SAS shoes I got you fit? Were they comfortable?" Bella retaliated.

As Alice glared, Jacob mumbled something that sounded like, "Wondered where those things came from. The neighbor's dogs were using them as chew toys."

Emmett picked up the ratty gym bag at the end of the stack and tossed it to Bella. "This is from me. I'm not sure if it is more for you or Edward."

Knowing Emmett's propensity for the risqué, the statement obviously produced anxiety in Bella but she took a deep breath not wanting to back down from him. She slowly unzipped the bag, reaching in to pull out a pom pom. What followed was a Forks High cheerleading uniform. I didn't want to know exactly how he acquired the items as I was sure it involved something illegal.

The men in the room quickly recognized the connotation behind Emmett's gift, Bella quirked her eyebrow at me. Possibly Emmett's gift just might get utilized. Bella however would have never been caught alive in the thing during our years at the school. It took her being dead to acquire the nerve to carry it off.

Emmett grinned devilishly at Bella. "All I ask is that I get a picture."

Over my dead body…- I was going to pound him as soon after the last gift was opened.

The image of Bella as a cheerleader, as clutzy as she had been in life, was about to overwhelm the group. Jasper's body started twitching and I was amazed that he had held it together for so long. He was about to double over from the laughter being contained in the room, mixed in with the sexual energy pouring out from the males in my family.

A small-box looking package came next. It was wrapped in fabric so my guess was that this was Esme's gift. Contained within the wrapping was a small kid's nursing kit. One that a young child would use to practice on baby dolls. It was stuffed full of bandages, arms braces, and aspirin.

"I am sorry dear I couldn't think of anything other than to tag along with Carlisle's story line."

Bella grinned at Esme. Amid the hilarity of the moment Esme had still been able to get a gift that also relayed her love of Bella. She was regretful that she had also had a hard time being around Bella the day of Jasper's attack, and the subsequent aftermath. It was a perfectly wonderful gift.

Two items remained. One was an envelope, and the other was a small rectangular box.

Bella picked up the envelope. Ripping it apart she held up an air freshener package. It was in the shape of a particularly voluptuous female vampire. Long dark hair flowed past the image's black satin encased butt, and the breasts of the picture threatened to fall out of the tightly cinched scarlet corset top. The female's eyes were chocolate brown and red lips surrounded a particularly gleeful smile displaying two very pointy incisors. The package read _Strawberry Fragrance._

The image, for me, was more interesting than the cheerleader outfit but I wasn't dumb enough to say anything. Jasper, however, quickly quirked his eyebrow at me silently stating, _Pervert_

Rose struggled to control her voice as she stated, "For the Ferrari. It just plain stinks."

Jacob grabbed a lock of Rose's hair and tugged it. She responded by shoving him off the arm of the couch where he had been sitting beside her, Emmett, and Henry. Bella had done so well throughout the opening of the presents, but I could see she was struggling not to burst out laughing at the sentiments behind Rose's gift. I wondered if she would actually hang it in the car.

That left the last gift which was, using the process of elimination, from Jasper. Jasper and Bella's relationship was one of the more unique ones in our family. Jasper had carried remorse around about his role in Bella's ill-fated birthday party. Bella had forgiven him before she even pulled herself off the floor. It wasn't until after Bella had been turned that she convinced Jasper to let go of his guilt. Bella and Jasper both were book worms, so it wasn't uncommon to see Bella and Jasper sitting on the opposite sides of the sofa reading with their legs intertwining in the middle. If Alice and I hadn't been stronger individuals jealousy could have easily followed.

Bella picked up the package and slowly turned it over to tear open the tape. Her eyes slanted upwards and I quickly caught on to what she was planning to do.

"Don't even think about it Bella, I wouldn't find it funny," Jasper interrupted her plan.

"What?" She replied, attempting to seem innocent.

"Venom doesn't have the same effect on me, and the paper wouldn't even come close to harming your skin."

"Party-pooper," she snorted.

Bella opened the package without any further delay to find a bottle of "Monsters Be Gone Spray." The box indicated "For Getting Rid of those Pesky Monsters."

Bella lost it at that point grabbing her stomach and bending forward with her laughter. Emmett looked to me realizing that the game was up for Bella's part, and jumped into the air flying toward the door. I leapt after him in hot pursuit.

We heard Esme call out, "Boys remember we aren't in Forks. You have to stay in the back yard."

I leaped at his body causing us to fall into the yard rolling end over end. We couldn't pound each other like I would have liked because the sound would have attracted attention. We jumped to our feet facing each other.

_Oh come on Edward. You know Bella is going to look hot in that outfit. _

"That is my wife you are fantasizing about!" I laughed, grabbing his neck throwing him to the ground as gently as possible.

I landed on top, but I heard him think about flipping me over less than a second before he did it.

"I really could use a good fight right now," Emmett said just under his breath, grinning. "I have too much energy now that we have to devote some of our time to Henry. Not that I mind in the least, but we have to have a good wrestling session when we all get back home."

I was itching for a good 'throw down' as Jasper called it – just not for the same reasons.

"Too bad we have to be quiet," I stated, agreeing with Emmett's declaration.

Emmett stood up and gave me a hand up. He threw his arm around my shoulders as we began walking back toward the house.

"Anna seems okay. She and girls already seem as tight as a pack of thieves. They were over whispering in the corner the whole time you and Jasper unloaded. Is she by herself?"

"She lives with her parents just down the road, but in regards to our kind – yes she is alone."

"Huh, guess we will find out more about her over the week. Alice couldn't be contained, and Rose didn't want to be left out of the fun. Alice has already seen visions of her being around the family, but she is having problems seeing them all clearly. I teased her that someone should have bought her a new crystal ball for Valentine's Day."

When we walked back into the house we heard Esme laughing hysterically. Turning in a slow pirouette in the middle of the floor was Bella wearing the leisure suit. Alice had quite amazingly turned a slight shade of green, almost as if she was going to be sick.

"This is actually quite comfortable," Bella said, obviously in an attempt to get a rise out of Alice.

Alice narrowed her eyes at Bella.

Henry stood holding on to the side of the couch beside Rose, and he glanced up as Emmett approached. He held his one free hand in the air grasping towards Emmett indicating that he wanted up.

"Okay Edward, your turn," Alice, ever the task mistress, indicated again patting the floor beside her. Bella sat to the other side of Alice leaning against the chair Jasper was sitting in. This gave her the perfect opportunity to place her brown polyester clad legs directly beside Alice. Alice scooted closer to my side almost like the fabric would contaminate her.

Knowing that Alice would be pleased if her gift was the first one opened, I reached over for the grocery bag similar to the one Bella's had been wrapped in. As I picked up the bag the sounds of two plastic objects smacking against each other could be heard. I tore into the bag in the same manner as Bella and found two walkie talkies, fashioned in the kid cartoon characters Dora and Diego. A handmade sign hung from one of the antennaes and it said: _For better communication between us_. Alice quickly reached over, turning the Diego on and snatched the Dora one out of my hands. I quirked my eyebrow at her knowing full well she was about to explain.

"You keep dragging us into rescue missions so I felt it would only be fair if you were Diego.

She flipped the switch on the Dora walkie and spoke loudly into it, "Hurry Alice, I need your help. I might bite this one, it just smells too good. You must help me save it."

"You know Alice, if those glasses I got you help clear up your visions, we might not have the need for so many search and rescue trips." I countered.

Jasper's control broke and he snorted at this statement. Alice, clearly enjoying herself, brightly smiled at him using her finger to cross him off the list in the air. Free to enjoy the moment he reached over and grabbed the walkie from Alice for a prop. He and Emmett began trading comments mimicking my and Bella's voice.

"But I want to be like you." "I will not take your life away." "But Edward I love you." "I love you too Bella which is more reason that I will leave you human." "But I will grow old and you will not want me anymore." "I will always love you."

Seeing my face, Alice and Rosalie quickly jumped up putting their hands over their mates mouths in an attempt to circumvent all out war. Carlisle was however not being kind. His laughter roared through the house.

Alice sat bad down beside me as I chose Jasper's gift next figuring to get the "emotional" reference over with. Jasper was prone to find gifts in which he could refer to my "angst" in one way or the other. Emmett might give the overtly sexual gifts, but Jasper was more cunning. In the past I had received things such as "A guide to coming out of the closet" book, a DVD of Woody Allen's "Everything you wanted to know about sex (but never dared to ask)", and a single track copy of Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing.

I unwrapped the present, actually dreading this gift more than the others. Under the paper was a box with a large dog on it. It read "Big Dog Deluxe Remote Training Collar: For Big or Stubborn Dogs."

Turning it to the side I read to the group the further instructions: "The remote dog training collar is one of the most effective, simplest and most humane training aids. The remote dog training collar, when placed on a dog's neck, allows a trainer to deliver small static shocks of varying strength by remote control. The correction the dog gets from the remote dog training collar is no different than walking on the carpet and touching your friend. The benefits of working with a remote dog training collar are the trainer can immediately correct a dog's mistakes at a distance far greater than leash training allows."

I looked to his face attempting to control mine and said, "Jasper, I thought the idea was to get me a gift I couldn't or wouldn't use."

Renesmee lost the battle at that point, joining the others laughing. Jacob remained stoic obviously looking to be the winner of the competition. He silently threw me his thoughts.

_Hey Edward, I think that would actually fit better around your scrawny neck. Can I try it out? Hey are you listening?...Have you heard the joke about the vampire's dog? What is a vampire's favorite dog? …a bloodhound. Is what they say about why vampires have no friends true? Because they are pains in the neck._

I studiously ignored him as he continued to rattle through vampire jokes. His blond ones had been better.

I picked up the box wrapped in a hospital gown knowing it would be from Carlisle. As I sat the box in front of me I heard a slight sloshing sound, and was intrigued against my better judgment. I undid the tape and opened the box to find what looked to be a bag of blood in the bottom. I took it out and for a moment was momentarily shocked with the audacity of the gift.

Carlisle had obviously taken a blood donation bag from the hospital and filled it with theatrical blood. However the label was an official label from the hospital filled in with Bella's maiden name and accurate biographical data. Attached to the bag with tape was one of those straws that kids used to puncture bagged drinks.

I continued to hold it before me in stunned silence. My face must have been humorous because Esme breaths came out in pants before she succumbed to the shaking of her body.

"Perhaps you should hand that over to Jasper, Edward," she politely said through her laughter. A pillow flew past my head at lightning speed, but she caught it before it so much as ruffled her hair.

Bella looked quite mischievously to Jake.

"Huh, never thought of that one. I wonder if Dr. Gerandy still has all that blood stored up?"

This caught the attention of the whole family and Anna.

"What do you mean, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

Bella couldn't blush but it was clear she was embarrassed.

"After you left, well you all know I got a little reckless. After the second visit to the emergency room in a week Charlie insisted I donate blood so that they would have some of mine in storage. I was amazed really that the doctor did it because I was so thin then; Jake had to carry me out of there several times from passing out."

She and Jake both giggled under their breaths and I could see the memories of Bella's strained face pass through Jake's head. I was not as amused as they.

The thought of the scent and taste of Bella's blood made me shudder. I might have mastered control for awhile, but I had let my guard down with her immortality. I could only imagine my reaction to having such an offering placed in my hand. The smell of her at Charlie's house had almost undone me.

"Bella I am not sure that would have been such a funny gift. I wouldn't have wanted to embarrass myself in front of Anna. Carlisle's gift on the other hand is probably the most unique he has given to me. I think this one will go home to sit on my bookshelf."

Emmett's gift came next. He again had placed his gift in a ratty looking gym bag. I momentarily wondered were he had acquired the bags, and wondered if he had stolen some sort of uniform for me as well. His fixation on sports was amazing.

I unzipped it and pulled out a Chicago White Sox baseball shirt. It had thin vertical black stripes running up and down the white shirt and long sleeves. Within a second I realized that the traditional White Sox logo had been covered. Crudely sown over the logo was a large patch of an Oreo cookie. I knew before turning it over what I would see on the back, but did so with reluctance. In big bold letters was the wording: TEAM OREO.

Anna asked, "Okay, so far I have been able to follow along with most of the gifts. But I am a little confused on this one."

Alice began to explain about our previous football game. To bug Emmett I took off the button down shirt I had on over my jeans and pulled on the jersey. I knew the best way to get under his skin was to act like I really liked the gift.

"Hey Jacob, we need to order these for the team for the next time. Esme, do you think you could sew the patch on a little better. I would hate for it to fall off as we kick their butts again."

"Actually I think I might be able to manage that for you," Esme replied, managing a poker face.

Rosalie picked up on my banter. "Maybe if we all wear white they will have a better chance of seeing us as we run down the field in front of them."

She picked up a small package tossing it to me. I was uncertain about the look on her face. It was a curious mixture between excitement and anticipation. Seeing those two emotions on Rosalie's face made me extremely nervous. I slowly unwrapped the box and found inside a key attached to a toy pickup truck. I was a little confused and noticed that something was still inside the box. I pushed my finger into the cavity and pulled out a folded over picture. Smoothing it out I was astonished. Rose and Jacob stood in front of a perfectly restored 1953 truck, in front of the Forks house. My stomach sunk. The Thing - please don't tell me they resurrected The Thing.

I looked to her attempting to keep my face smooth. She grinned evilly at me. I could read her thoughts.

_Ha! Ha! I don't care if I lost the bet or not, it was worth every penny I spent on it. Your face is priceless. How many seconds do you think it will take before she gets in that thing and takes off leaving the Ferrari behind? You will not even be able to make an excuse. It has been totally restored._

Bella, clearly intrigued by what I was holding, snatched the picture out of my hand before the shock wore off and I thought clearly enough to hide it. Her eyes widened and she looked to Rosalie in amazement.

"Is that my truck?" her voice squealed out.

Rose turned her head away from me and began her dissertation on the restoration.

"Bella, Jake and I have been working on your truck since just after the Volturi left. It has been totally restored down to the finest details sans an update in engine and transmission."

Jacob broke in to the discussion clearly excited to discuss the particulars. "Rose and I put in a 350 with a 400 Turbo transmission. Then we replaced the rear end with Posi traction. It drives and handles better than new."

I could hear Emmett's thoughts. _No wonder he just walked in and handed Henry to her. Now I know what changed the tide. I wondered what all those parts were, but I thought it was for her car. Damn she got Edward good. _

Similar thoughts filtered through the minds of everyone in my family.

They were right … she had me. I was never going to get it away from Bella now, and Rose knew it. She began laughing laying her head against Emmett's shoulder. My family looked stunned.. Bella continued to squeal in astonishment and joy about the present. Even Anna had to smile at the enthusiasm in her voice, and she had no understanding of the context. I had to get through this now - so I could ponder my fate in regards to the truck

The last package was bigger than the others. I untied the ribbon that secured the fabric around the item and found underneath a Little Einstein's Play and Learn Rocket Piano. Attached to the piano was sheet music with the bright colorful notes for Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. The note attached read:

"Edward, I know that I am supposed to buy a gag gift, but I thought you and Bella might need a piano for your cottage."

Esme smiled.

Evil filled my body and I did what I never thought I would do. I designed a plan to make my mother and sister suffer. I reached over to Henry, and when he saw me motioning for him to come to me he all but jumped off his father's lap.

"Henry, here is the C." I placed his tiny finger on the appropriate key. "And here is the D key," came my next instruction. Within just a few seconds I had shown Henry all the keys on the toy. The women in my family looked on in joyful ignorance marveling at my nurturing capacity, but I could see by the horrified look on Carlisle's face that he was quickly aware of my plans.

"Okay Henry, let's try Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

What occurred was priceless. Henry slammed both hands down on the keys in a maneuver worthy of Jerry Lewis performing Great Balls of Fire. The noise was horrendous. Henry was ecstatic. For a full minute I relished the fitting payback supplied by Henry the Great… as he would now be called in my head.

"I sure am glad that I am spending the night with the two of you, versus staying here," Jacob said leaning over to Bella during the performance.

Emmett attempted to cajole Henry out of the piano toy, but he wasn't buying it. He held on to the thing with all the vampire strength he could muster. Emmett could have easily torn the thing from his son's arms, but he didn't have the heart. My mother and sister glared at me. I grinned unashamed and lost my place in the winner's circle when Esme bared her teeth. Her discomfort broke through my control, and I grabbed up Henry as I chuckled loudly placing a kiss to his cheek. Alice and Jacob had won. I wondered how they would declare a winner.

I looked to Rosalie and said as softly as possible, "Check mate."


	2. Valentine's Day

EPOV - Valentine's Day

The muted morning light was beginning to filter through the trees and reflect on the small pond in our garden outside the bedroom wall. Bella's body was wrapped around mine in the bed as we lay peacefully enjoying the solitude. I was anxious to surprise her as today was Valentine's Day. Jacob had picked up our gifts to her on the trip to Seattle. He was coming to take her to breakfast with Renesmee – leave it to him to figure some way to put food into the mix, even with two thirds of the group unwilling to eat it.

I knew Jacob would be here any minute, and I could hear Renesmee stirring in the next room. She was looking forward to surprising Bella. She had the gift stashed in her room. For a minute I questioned if Bella would willingly accept the sentiments behind what Jacob and I had planned. She was always surprising me and she probably always would. I leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose. She opened her eyes to look up at me.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Love," I murmured.

For a minute her eyes narrowed but she lifted to me and placed her lips softly upon mine. I pulled away quickly dropping back to the pillow. "You will not distract me."

She grinned mischievously flinging her body on top of mine straddling my hips.

"Are you sure?" she whispered as she arched her eyebrow.

"Bella," I croaked. "Jacob will be here any moment. He is coming to take you and Nessie out. Be nice."

She moved her hand to my chin holding me still as she lowered her lips. Just before touching me she opened her mouth and bit lightly into my bottom lip - at the same time opening her mind to me so I could see and feel everything. My muscles seized momentarily with the onslaught of twin desires.

Then paradise was ruined. I heard a throat clear outside the door, which provided enough distraction for me to break apart from her. I leaped backward off the bed to stand toward the closet door. Bella smiled her siren call, patting the bed beside her with invitation. I dashed into our closet, dressed, and retreated out through our door within seconds. As I shut the door behind me I heard her laughing.

"That wasn't fair Bella," I whispered, and the laughing increased. I looked up to see Jacob standing at the end of the hall.

"Scared?" he asked grinning.

"Inexplicably," I replied.

He began to snort saying, "You created a monster." He seemed to find even more humor with his play on words.

We moved to the tiny living room waiting on Bella. Jacob carefully ducked under several of the exposed beams to sit in a chair next to the wood burning stove. Nessie bounced impatiently in another. I heard the door open behind me, and saw Bella emerge dressed in a long sleeved blue shirt and jeans that fit her like a second skin. I hissed. Was she trying to kill me? She continued to grin and went around me to sit on the ottoman.

"Well Jake what are we doing today?" Bella asked.

Nessie broke in before Jacob could even respond. "Mama we are taking you on a breakfast picnic at La Push. So we can sit on your and Jacob's tree and watch the ocean. Then we are going to meet Grandfather Quil and Emily to hear the stories. Then…"

Jacob placed his hand over her mouth interrupting the happy childish prattle. "Don't be giving all our secrets away."

Jacob's hand was so big it was difficult to see much of Nessie's face, but she was shining. She was deliriously happy. I thanked the God above, not he should listen, that my and Bella's child sat here so happy. I also silently thanked Jacob and Sam for eliminating the boundary lines so my family could enjoy the day planned.

" Love," I took a deep breath and started. "Jacob and I have something we want to discuss." For a moment I saw something flash across her face.

"Don't worry we aren't going to revert to trying to kill each other - at least not today," Jacob joked.

I rolled my eyes and continued. "Jacob and I noticed you aren't wearing your bracelet anymore and wondered why?"

She looked between us and then down at her hands. The room was filled with silence for a few moments. Jacob started to say something but I quickly caught his eyes and shook my head. She took a deep breath and said, "After the fight with Victoria, I didn't want to wear it because I thought it might be symbolic of the competition. I didn't want to bring up bad memories."

She glanced up. We had been right.

Nessie jumped up moving toward Bella and sat on her lap. In her hands she held a wrapped box. With Bella you never knew how she was going to react about receiving gifts. She had been fairly gracious when my family gave us the home we were now sitting in, but Christmas had been an occasion overshadowed by fear and doubt - gifts had been the last thing on our minds. Jacob and I both held our breaths to see her reaction.

She kissed Nessie's head and slowly unwrapped the box. With the whimsical mood she had displayed this morning already, I half expected her to make some comment about cutting her finger. She reached inside to pull out her charm bracelet. For a second she looked perplexed until she noticed two new charms attached.

The first charm detailed in silver the side profile of a girl's face outlined in curls. The child's hands lay on her lap cupping a startling blue sapphire. The child's legs were curled under her body pixie like fashion. The second charm was simply the words "da niente" in elegant silver script.

Bella looked to me. Her eyes had begun to take on the golden cast of my misfit family.

I simply stated, "We are both a part of you …we will not tear you apart again."

I believe if my kind were capable of producing tears Bella's eyes would have filled. Jacob was looking at Bella with a big grin.

"Will you explain to me the meaning of the charms?" she whispered.

I motioned for Jacob to start.

"Nessie and I wanted to get you something that signified your importance in our lives. I know you aren't into jewelry, so I thought this might be the only opportunity I would have to get you something to signify your motherhood. The girl represents Nessie."

Nessie jumped in at that point, "…and the sapphire is our birthstone."

Jacob spoke in an exasperated voice. "Do you know all the torture I had to go through ordering this to be made. The jeweler Edward sent me to knows everything. I had to listen to all the details about this and that. But I found out something cool…..most gemstones have some folklore attached…beliefs that earlier generations held about the powers of stones. Do you know what the sapphire was believed to do?" he looked to both Bella and I.

We both shook our heads no.

"This is really neat… they believed the sapphire blocked evil spirits… it provided serenity to the holder. Can you believe it - kinda funny considering your gift?"

Bella smiled at this and reached around Nessie to give her a hug. She stood up walking over to Jacob and placed Renesmee on the arm of the chair. He stood and engulfed her in a hug towering over her a foot. She looked like a fragile porcelain doll compared to him - looks could be deceiving. Amazing … not one ounce of angst, jealousy, or urge to kill. Things had definitely changed. Jacob helped her latch the bracelet.

"So the words…they are yours?" she asked, as she turned around in Jacob's arms to look at me.

"Yes, but I have asked Jacob and Nessie if I can wait until my time alone with you to explain the significance."

Jacob mumbled, "and to finish off what was interrupted."

He cursed slightly as Bella backhanded him hitting him in the stomach. Hmmm…time alone with her was definitely appealing.

"The whole gang is going out tonight so we can give Carlisle and Esme some privacy at the house," I informed her. For a minute a secretive look passed over her face and I wondered if she had figured out my plans for the day.

I could see Nessie was getting impatient to leave. She reached up to Jacob and said, "Let's go."

"Actually Renesmee, we have presents for you and Jake," Bella stated.

I quickly went back to our room and came back with two small packages. Watching Jacob tear into the wrapping was almost as entertaining as watching Nessie. Bella had bought Nessie leather bound copies of Dante's Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso in Italian. Carlisle and I were working with her to learn the language. I applauded the choice of Italian but lamented the topic. Nessie and I were beginning to have long standing "discussions" on God, Heaven, and Hell. She was sure to use this as part of our discourse.

Jacob opened his box to find a copy of Hot VWs magazine.

Bella spoke, "Rose thinks you are crazy to keep your Rabbit …. not enough power. But if you are determined to fix it up at least she thought this would give you some ideas to make it, in her words, less embarrassing. We purchased you a 2 year subscription."

Also included in the box was a gift certificate to Wolfsburg West, a Volkswagen parts specialty shop. Jacob's smile threatened to split his face as he pulled the certificate from the holder, and then his face fell.

Quickly realizing the problem Bella hastily said, "It's from everyone Jake, it doesn't mean the same to them as you and I."

Rosalie and Emmett had figured out the cost to make Jacob's car "presentable", Esme had ordered the certificate. For a moment I thought Jacob would refuse the gift.

Bella stepped in again adding, "You might as well go ahead and take it otherwise Rose just might hijack the thing and do it herself. You may not be comfortable with how it turns out."

I jumped in. "Jacob, whether she will admit it…..Rose will now always feel in your debt. She probably will not do anything outright, so let her have her way. She can be as stubborn as Alice once she sets her mind to something."

Jacob mumbled under his breath but did slide the certificate in the magazine which he promptly rolled up in his hand.

"I guess what I got her will probably piss her off - in comparison to this," he said laughing.

I lost control of my laughter having read his thoughts. He looked over to Bella twirling his finger in circles at his temple.

"What exactly did you get her?" she asked.

He looked sheepishly toward the ground muttering, "A Parenting for Dummies book."

Bella was temporarily stunned speechless. She finally strangled out, "And you expect to still be standing after she is through with you? Want to die much, Jake?"

"She can try…" He snorted.

"Jacob, you didn't have to buy the family anything, I've been told for the most part the family buys each other gag gifts – and the cheaper the better – it's part of the challenge," Bella told him.

"Yeah Nessie told me. That's why all our stuff came from the Rez yard sale. We found Alice a Magic 8 ball, and Jasper a Custer's Last Stand Hat with fake blood on it. For Esme and the Doc, we finally decided on this huge wooden paddle with the words Attitude Adjuster on it….figured they may have wanted something like that over the years."

The little snot looked right at me when he said the last comment. We traded mutual antagonistic smirks.

"O..K..," Bella blew out with an incredulous look on her face.

"Don't worry Bells, I'll have Nessie with me and let her give the gifts. We have this all figured out." Jacob and Nessie traded a conspiring look.

"Oh and I forgot the best one. We found one of those dancing Daisy things for Emmett. It has sunglasses on and sings that annoying song Don't Worry Be Happy."

_Flashback EPOV:_

_I walked to the closet to grab a blanket and the basket I desired. I had gone with Emmett to Port Angeles a week earlier. I talked him into stopping at a specialty shop and purchased an assortment of massage oils. Emmett had teased me unmercifully until he began to smell some of the fragrances available. Needless to say I had caught the whiffs of oil on Rosalie, but I had not been able to withhold my teasing comments when Emmett walked by smelling of daisies. _

_Our scuffle had broken one of Esme's lamps earning her wrath, but it had been worth it. Emmett had crucified me too long about my sexual nature. Jasper had even participated in the fun calling him Daisy behind his back, but within hearing distance. Rose added her touch by buying him a pair of "Daisy Duke" shorts. I didn't even want to know how she had found a pair close to his size or what happened to them. _

_Bella looked to my face probably wondering about the amusement she detected as I walked into the room. "I was just remembering Daisy," I stated as I placed the blanket on her and the basket in her lap._

_She broke out into peals of laughter. "Edward, I've arranged for a bouquet of Gerber Daisies from us on Valentine's Day." _

_I chortled. "Are you serious, he will go nuts." _

"_I know," she responded darkly. "It will be hilarious and only partial payback for him. I think Alice found a shirt on line that has daisies with smiley faces in the center of the flower. She was trying to see if she could get one in extra large. He deserves it for giving us such heck." _

_End of Flashback_

____________________________________________________________________

Bella lost it with the last announcement. She fell into the chair that Jacob had occupied holding her stomach. Had she been human she would have found it necessary to wipe her face, because tears would have been pouring from the laughter coming out of her body. Jacob stared down at her as if she had gone mad. He looked to me twirling his finger again at his temple. Bella knocked him backwards from her blow.

"Ow! Geez Bella take it easy."

He reached behind the chair where Bella was still chuckling and pulled out a small package wrapped in newspaper. He handed it to Bella saying, "For you two later – just a little treat from me."

He was singing the National Anthem in his head so that I couldn't get a glance at his selection. I would pay Alice back for disseminating that particular strategy. He turned around and swatted Nessie lightly on the head with the magazine and said, "Let's go."

**Mid Day in Seattle - Bella and Edward have driven Sue and Charlie to the airport after they surprised Bella with their wedding…..**

I pulled into the airport's parking so we could walk Sue and Charlie to the security gates. Bella and I met at the back of the car as Sue and Charlie stood stretching. I noticed she had an expectant look on her face as I popped the trunk. As I looked into the trunk I was immediately exasperated with Alice. Just how much luggage did she think Charlie and Sue needed?

Then I realized half the bags were Bella's luggage and mine.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Bella snickered.

I looked to her as she continued. "You didn't even ask this morning if I had gotten you a gift."

"It might have been something to do with trying to get away from you before we embarrassed the pup," I answered, smirking.

Bella laughed.

I motioned for her to continue. "Go ahead, you know I don't know what you have planned. No wonder Alice was staying so distracted with Jasper this morning."

"I am taking you to Chicago. I want to see the house you grew up in. I want to see the life you had before your change. I want to learn about the boy who grew up into the man I love," she said, placing her hand on my chest across my dormant heart.

Bella must have seen something in my face, because before I could even begin to argue she stated, "What was it you said this morning? Let me see if I can remember. Oh yeah, something about _afterwards we can go anywhere or do anything you would like_. Holding you to it Cullen. Now let's get the luggage and get everyone to their respective gates."

**Later that evening in Chicago….**

Bella and I lay wrapped around each other in bed. I brought her hand out from my chest so the charms on her bracelet caught the light entering the bedroom from the living area. I could sense her eyes were drawn by the movement.

"Bella, _da niente _is a musical term. It roughly translates into 'from nothing' or 'out of nothing'. I feel it accurately describes what you have done for me. I have said this to you so many times before, but I still feel like I have not adequately been able to portray for you just how radically you have altered me. You have taken my existence and shaped it into a life, for lack of better words, out of nothing."

Bella raised on her elbow so she could look into my face. Releasing my hand she used her fingertips to run across my cheek in a caressing motion.

I continued. "I can't promise I will never be grumpy again. I can't promise I will never make mistakes. I can't even promise I will not want to kill Jacob again - I mean I can read his thoughts - and it is my daughter he imprinted on. At some time in the next six years she is going to reach maturity and he is going to see her as more than just a child. I will probably have to kill him at that point; it was bad enough when I could see what he wanted to do with you."

This earned me a hard slap to the stomach.

After grunting, I continued. "I will work every day to give you the kind of relationship I remember my biological parents sharing, the same passion Esme and Carlisle share. What I can promise is I will attempt every day to be the creature you see me to be. But when I screw up, which I will, I want you to look at the charm and remember it is from out of nothing that I am operating. This is all new for me. I want you to also remember that without you I would be nothing."

Bella softly nodded her head and leaned up to kiss my lips. In a moment of understanding she realized nothing else needed to be said. For a few minutes the silence surrounded us and allowed a sense of peace to invade the room. Bella stretched and slowly eased out of bed.

"Where are you going?" I groaned. I missed the warmth of her body pressed to mine.

"I just remembered that I promised Jake I would have you open his gift to us once we got here."

She went to her carry on luggage and rummaged around finding the package then returned to bed. A folded over piece of paper had been attached to the front of the package. Written across the front was "Bells and Bloodsucker." I rolled my eyes.

Bella giggled. "He loves to try and get under your skin."

I smirked saying, "I know…and I let him have his fun. It's the difference between being a man and a boy."

"HA! She bellowed out.

I tugged the note off handing the package to Bella, it read: "_Found this at the yard sale and figured you two might need the help." _

Bella ripped into the package. I saw that it was a book, but the dust cover was missing. Bella's eyes widened and she looked at me with a mixture of horror and amusement.

She turned the book so I could read the cover, _Kama Sutra. _I was torn between amusement and anger - amusement mostly winning. I reached to take the book from Bella to see if it was a joke, and as she passed it to me another piece of paper fell out of the front. I snatched it up before she could grab it.

Opening the note I read:

_Bella since you didn't choose me, I figured I could at least get Edward some educational material. I love you enough that I hope you find some degree of satisfaction with him. Hopefully this will make up for his inexperience. P.S. By the way, Nessie wasn't with me when I picked this up – so tell Edward to breathe._

Bella reached for the note and I passed it off to her already designing revenge in my head.

In a horrified voice she whispered, "I'll get him for this."

I replied darkly, "OH NO Love that pleasure will be all mine."

She looked to my face and snickered. "Promise me I will be there when you inflict your punishment."

"I promise."

We alternated for a few minutes between laughing and cursing on both our parts.

"He got us you know," she admitted, finally.

"I'll only admit this to you Bella but he did," was my muttered reply.


	3. Jacob

Jacob POV

I reached behind the chair where Bella sat and pulled out a small package wrapped in newspaper. Handing it to Bella I said, "For you two later – just a little treat from me."

Knowing Edward would try to read my mind, I began singing the National Anthem as I handed her the package. I would have to again thank Alice for teaching me that trick. I turned around and swatted Nessie lightly on the head with the magazine, saying, "Let's go."

She leapt off the chair running through the door heading outside. I heard Edward tell Bella that he would see her at Charlie's house later, and turned to grin at her as she closed the door to the cottage.

"I didn't bring the car over to Carlisle and Esme's. I figured it would be just as easy to run back to my house. I left the basket with the breakfast stuff there. I thought we could go to the beach this morning and hang out with the old folks before meeting Edward at your dad's."

"Jacob, one day Billy is going to hit you upside the head with a board, and all I am going to do is sit there and laugh," Bella replied, grinning at me.

I went behind a tree, tossing her my clothes before phasing. Nessie launched herself onto my shoulders and the three of us took off toward La Push. I glanced to my side to see Bella running along with me, her hair streaming back with the wind. As much as I would hate to admit it, her new life did agree with her.

_Hey Jake, where are you man? _ I heard Seth's voice in my head.

_Heading that way, what's up?_

_Quil and I are sitting here with your dad. There's this humongous package on your front porch and we're dying to know what is in it. Quil suggested we just tear into it and apologize later, but I talked him into letting me phase so I could see where you were. _

_Will be there in a few...taking my girls to the beach for breakfast and I have to stop by on the way._

As Bella and I continued to speed through the forest, I could hear Nessie giggling with excitement. She wasn't quite as fast as Bella and I, and probably never would be if she was like Nahuel. She enjoyed getting to ride on my back at this speed. Emmett teased her, of course - telling her to keep her mouth shut so that she wouldn't get bugs in her teeth.

Just before breaking through the forest line I stopped, letting Nessie get down. Stepping behind a tree to change back to human I reached my hand out for Bella to hand me my clothes. There were very few drawbacks to being a wolf, but destruction of clothes was one of them.

As we walked down the path to the house, I noticed my dad had rolled his wheelchair out on the front porch. Quil and Seth were sitting on the steps flanking a very large package that sat just to the side of the door.

"The truck just delivered it a few minutes ago," Seth said. Excitement was evident in his voice and on his face.

Quil and my dad sat surrounding the huge box with similar expressions. They reminded me of those cartoon vultures circling the man dying in the desert. I thought about waiting to open the box until this evening just to mess with them, but decided I was too curious myself to make it that long. I lifted Nessie over Vulture #1 and Vulture #2 putting her on the porch. Bella sat on the bottom step holding my gift to her and Edward in her lap.

I reached to the top of the box and pulled it open. Looking down, I saw a red metal top to what appeared to be a chest. The shipping box was constructed to be cut with a packing knife down the middle but I took the flimsy material between my hands and ripped it. Sitting in the box was a red Snap On tool chest.

Damn! They had obviously delivered to the wrong house. For that matter, they had delivered to the wrong neighborhood, as I couldn't imagine anyone around here spending that kind of money. Wait… _that kind of money_…I looked to Bella suspiciously but she just shrugged her shoulders. Even as a vampire she couldn't lie well, so I knew she hadn't had anything to do with this.

I grabbed the box and looked at the label to find out who I needed to call ... Huh?… there in plain English … Jacob Black.

I reached my hand up slowly, almost reverently…afraid to touch it…afraid it might disappear. Then a tell-tale giggle drew my gaze. Nessie…

"Aunt Rose helped me pick it out. She said she recently came to the understanding that you needed a good set of tools."

I glanced sideways at Bella wondering if she had become aware of my and Rose's little project. Obviously not, from the look on her face. I turned back to Nessie.

"You got me this?" I asked, finally finding the voice.

"For Valentine's Day."

"Nessie, I don't know…"

"Jake, I won a bet against Emmett about the last basketball game. He was so sure that he would win that he made a high stakes bet. I won fair and square. And I decided I wanted to get you something nice. Rose made the suggestion, because you know I don't know anything about tools. I'm waiting for March Madness, perhaps I can rack up some other stuff."

I looked to Bella again, and it wasn't hard to decipher the look she was giving me. If I took away Nessie's joy of giving, Bella was going to hand me my butt on a platter.

Seth jumped up stating, "Lift it up and I will pull the box out from under it."

Quil snickered as I lifted the red chest. "It took four of the guys to take it off the lift onto the porch. It must be full of stuff."

Sure 'nuff - as soon as it was clear of the packaging and was sitting on the porch I began pulling drawers out. This was the stuff of any man's dreams. Row after row of mechanical goodies…stuff for working on the car and the motorcycle as well. I was gonna kiss that blond headed leech…well if I could hold my breath long enough.

I did do what I could at the moment for the person responsible. I leaped over to Nessie, pulling her off my dad's lap, and spun her in the air. Our excitement caused the others to start laughing.

"Okay children calm down before you pee on yourselves," came Quil's brilliant response.

I realized I had been jumping up and down just like a little girl…didn't care though…this was seriously the best gift I had ever been given. The motorcycle Bella gave me had now been bumped to second place. Sorry, Bells.

Quil, Seth, and I took our time looking through everything. Every once in a while Nessie would reach out from my arms and grab a particular item putting her other hand to my face to ask about its purpose. I was totally pumped.

It took my father clearing his throat for the second time before I came around to reality.

"Didn't you have plans for this morning?" he reminded me.

"Sorry Bella…-" I glanced to her, embarrassed "- kinda lost myself there for a minute."

"More like an hour," she responded, but her smile made me realize she was okay.

I glanced over to the chest. I couldn't leave my baby out here, but I wondered if Bella would get pissed if I took the time to move it.

"Don't worry Jake. Quil and I will take it to the shed for you," Seth said, clearly understanding my dilemma.

Bella laughed at the expression on my face. "It will still be here when you get back Jake."

Placing Nessie on the porch, I went in to get Nessie's present and the basket that Rachel had helped me pack and we headed to the beach. Nessie ran ahead of Bella and I, wading into the waves coming in. Bella and I went to sit on our tree and silently watched Nessie playing. Bella reached over and squeezed my hand.

"Ever imagine we would sit here like this again?" Bella asked.

"Well, yes and no. I imagined us here like this, just not with Edward's kid." I smiled, but also felt a little embarrassed at the same time.

"Yeah, I guess you are right."

I didn't have to explain, Bella knew. Things had worked out just like they were supposed to for both of us.

"Go ahead and eat. I know you are starving. It has probably been, what, a whole two hours since you ate?" Bella stated, rolling her eyes.

Smart mouth…but it was true I was starving. I pulled the breakfast sandwiches out that Rachel had made me, and began to devour them while Bella laughed. Nessie came over as I was finishing and plopped in Bella's lap.

I pulled a small wrapped present out of the basket and handed it to her.

"Your Valentine's Day gift. Not quite as big as you got me, but I hope you like it."

She ripped into the packaging and uncovered a leather journal. Inside were the legends of my people dictated onto paper by Emily. I had begged her to reproduce her documentation for me, and I owed her several large favors for doing it for so quickly.

Nessie had shown great interest in the legends. The stories about Kaheleha, Taha Aki, and the third wife that Bella had heard, what felt like a lifetime ago. But also included were the stories about Raven the trickster and the Quileute Monsters. I had attempted at the beginning of each chapter to recreate the traditional art.

"I know it isn't a bound, professional copy, but…"

She interrupted me hugging it to her chest with one hand while her other flashed to my face.

_Jake it is perfect. I couldn't imagine a better gift._

"Jake, truly it is amazing," Bella said, at the same time.

I smiled realizing that they were being truthful.

"SO…the plan is to meet Edward at your dad's for lunch, and then you are secreting him on a plane to Chicago…correct?"

"Yep," she responded.

"Make sure you give him that present when you get to Chicago."

"Will do," she promised.

"Well let's get started with the rest of the morning so that we don't keep Mr. Happy waiting."

**Later that afternoon …**

Nessie and I drove up to the Cullen house after dropping Leah and Seth off at the reservation. Sue and Charlie were headed to Hawaii for their honeymoon, and Bella and Edward were off to Chicago. Nessie and I had packed our gifts to everyone in the car and headed over for our first Valentine's Day experience. Nessie had filled me in on the details of what to expect, but with her crazy family I had learned that anything could happen.

Entering the house was like entering a circus. Alice was running around attempting to organize the piles of presents. Henry crawled along behind her disrupting the perfect stacks. Emmett and Jasper laughed, offering no help until Rosalie smacked them both on the back of the heads. I quickly went over to the area and distributed our gifts. Nessie flew over to Henry and sat down in the floor with him, so I did what any self respecting wolf would do…I went to the kitchen to see what Esme had prepared for the day.

Esme smiled at me as I came in already heading for the plates she had piled full of sandwich stuff. Realizing my manners I quickly detoured just before reaching the counter and went over to kiss her forehead.

"Jacob, is Seth coming as well?" she asked.

"Nope…he's helping Leah with her final packing," I said as I piled two slices of bread full of meat, cheese, and other trimmings and shoved the finishing slices of bread on top.

I chowed down as Esme continued to assemble a casserole, humming as she worked.

She noticed me watching her and grinned. "I never realized how much I would like to cook again. It is good to have you and Seth around to taste my creations."

"Okay everyone, let's get started." We heard Alice call from living room.

"Jacob, be prepared. This can get a little rambunctious at times, " Esme warned as she put the dish in the oven, set the timer, and wiped her hands.

The group had already claimed seats as I followed Esme into the living room, swallowing the last bite of grub and began washing it down with milk. Nessie had saved me a seat on the couch with her. Rose liked to make sure I had to sit on the floor, so as I passed her and Emmett I made sure to trail the large glass of milk close to her face to aggravate her.

Her perfect little nose twitched.

Alice began. "Okay, Nessie tells me she has already explained the rules to Jacob, so we don't have to review those. Carlisle has the numbers for the couples to choose and for once, thanks to Jake and Nessie, I can't tell you who is first. So we will have to do it the old fashioned way and pick a number."

Carlisle went around to each pairing, and numbers were drawn. True to my luck, Nessie drew the number one. This could either be really bad, or really good. Bad in that they would have tons of energy to annoy me, or good in that I could get it over fairly quickly and enjoy the show.

"Jake you go first," Nessie indicated pointing to the pile in front of me.

The first present I picked up was wrapped in a hospital gown. If the information Nessie had told me was accurate, I would guess this one came from Carlisle. I tore through the paper and found a box labeled: Anti-Venom kit - "The mini vacuum pump is designed to gently and painlessly extract poison from bites and stings to reduce the pain, itching or allergic reaction that inevitably ensues – just push the plunger down for 20-90 seconds."

Flipping the box over I saw that Carlisle had taken the time to cut out a picture of Count Chocula and tape it over the snake. I looked up to Carlisle attempting not to grin. Anti-Venom my butt. The best defense against the animal that would dare bite me was to simply tear it to pieces.

"I have to admit Jacob, I have been attempting to come up with a way for you to carry that with you at all times." He stated, looking to me with his eyebrow raised, challenging me for a comeback. I had learned not to underestimate the Doc from the football game.

"Maybe we could get him one of those brandy barrels like Saint Bernards use to wear - cut off the end you know and attach a door," Emmett suggested with a smirk on his face.

"A little carry satchel that he can hold between his teeth?" Esme added.

Alice was bouncing up and down, I assumed from excitement, but before she could add anything ...

"OK, OK…enough," I interrupted. I could see that line going on forever.

I picked up the next package. It was in a Newton's Olympic Outfitters bag and had a note attached. Opening the note I recognized Bella's handwriting.

_Jake, Sorry I can't be there to enjoy with you. _

Untying the string at the top of the bag I reached in to pull out a kids Indian Chief Head Dress and Peace Pipe. The headdress had bright blue and red feathers with a white band that would run across the forehead. Bella had taken a black marker and on the white band she had added the words: Chief Jacob.

"Now that's funny," Emmett laughed, clearly not caring whether or not he won. He jumped up and began humming the Atlanta Braves chant putting one hand across his mouth and using the other to do the Tomahawk chop. Rose's lips twitched, but she grabbed his leg as he passed close to her dragging him back down on to the seat they had been sharing.

Jasper looked over to Emmett and raised his palm flat in the air. "HOW!"

Emmett roared, and Henry followed.

I looked quickly to see if I could catch anyone else. They were too good. I could see that Alice was struggling, but she had contained whatever reaction she had to Jasper before I could catch her. Carlisle was looking down rubbing his eyes.

That's okay….we still had their presents to go.

Figuring I would get Emmett's present out of the way, I looked for anything sports related. It wasn't difficult, I saw the jock strap box clearly in the middle of the pile.

"Very original Emmett, wouldn't have seen that one coming from you," I said, reaching for it.

"Don't ever trust Emmett's boxes Jake, things are rarely as they seem," Jasper indicated.

I opened the box and shook the contents into my lap. It was a large tube of Ben Gay.

"For when Dr. Grandpa kicks your butt again," he snickered earning a pillow to the head from Carlisle.

"I could have gotten a different brand, but you know with he and Edward that one seemed more appropriate."

Rosalie gulped loudly in an obvious attempt to hold back laughter.

"Well there has to be some logical explanation for all the 'waiting' ," he added.

I looked sideways to see if Nessie had caught on, but she seemed unconcerned. I glared at Emmett. He raised his hand palm up, bending his fingers inward several times, inviting a good brawl.

"BOYS!" Esme scolded.

Nessie placed a present in my hand distracting me, and I realized she may not have been as unaware as I thought. I looked down to see a small Christmas stocking with a dog paw on the front of it.

I felt her hand on my chin. _From me, and no it isn't the present. That's inside._ She grinned.

Reaching inside, I pulled out a black leather dog collar with spikes. It was only big enough to fit around a small dog's neck. Attached were two tags. Actually, one was more a tag and the other was a charm. The charm was a black bone studded with rhinestones. The other was a heart tag. It read:

"Jake"

Please call if found:

Nessie Cullen

360-867-5309

She took the item out of my hand and quickly attached it around my wrist. Rosalie began snorting, clearly her mind was thinking quicker than mine.

"Nessie, how brilliant! When he phases it will ride nicely against his paw - and it is just big enough to survive the process."

Rosalie threw her head back and her laughter echoed throughout the room. Nessie's eyes challenged me to take off the damn thing. Traitor! I was going to find a way to make her wear my present as well - just to pay her back.

"I helped Nessie pick out the Bling bone. Nothing is too good for her sweetheart," Alice narrowed her eyes waiting for my challenge.

Carlisle and Esme's eyes were bright with unshed humor, but they so far seemed to be the ones holding it together the best. Jasper looked in pain - huh - forgot for a minute that he feels everything the others are feeling. I wondered how I could mess with him.

Obviously feeling my challenge he quirked a grin at me.

I needed to regroup and figured that Esme would be the kindest of them all - although I wasn't entirely sure of that considering her satchel comment.

"Esme which particular gift is yours?" I questioned.

She smiled gently and pointed to a gift in fabric.

Untying the ribbon I was relieved to feel that whatever was inside was most likely clothing. I mean what could she get clothes wise that would be embarrassing?

I was reminded as the item fell into my lap of the old saying "Don't speak too soon."

Esme had found a white T-shirt that had in bold letters across the front: TEEN WOLF

Behind the words was an image of a werewolf face with sharp claws ripping through the shirt. The pack would crucify me if I wore this shirt. Sam would probably blab on about keeping everything secret, but the rest of the guys would just find it incredibly funny. I would never live it down. It was going to be bad enough if I couldn't figure out a way to get the collar off my wrist without hurting Nessie's feelings.

"You are too young dear to remember the movie, but you might find you relate to the character's life a little. Perhaps I should have bought you the movie as well," she said gently.

I wasn't buying the whole sweet motherly stuff…she was as devious as the rest of them.

Rosalie scooted a square box over towards me with her foot. I had come to know her well enough, over the last month, to know she was getting ready to enjoy the show. She had already lost the bet, so she wouldn't be holding back.

I unwrapped the paper and found what was described on the box as the Mossman Flea Circus: Complete with trapeze, dumbells, flea march, and firing cannon.

"I figured if they had somewhere else to go that we wouldn't get infested over here," she smiled innocently.

I felt the familiar heat rush up my neck. NO! I would not let her get to me. She continued to smile obviously not needing to be her 'touchy-feely' brother to realize she had stuck a nerve.

"You know what the Blonde and the flea have in common?" I asked.

No one took the bait.

"They both suck."

Rose snorted lifting her hands at me. She wiggled her fingers and said, "OOOH!"

Alice had continued to bounce throughout the gifts and finally reached out to the last three presents grabbing a large box and tossing it to me.

"Mine next! Mine next!"

She had taken brown paper bags and taped them together around the box. Snatching the paper off the box, I saw a large dog on the side. It had some type of backpack thing across its back. The label read Mountainsmith Dog Pack.

"Backpackers use them for their dogs to carry their own gear. I thought it was perfect for you, Jake. We just have to figure out how to train you to get it on once you phase. That way, you can stuff all your gear into it before phasing and quit embarrassing everyone."

She flew over to me snatching it out of my hands and pieces of the box went flying across the room. Within a second she was packing everything the Cullens had given me so far into the compartments.

Before my amazed eyes and ears, she continued, "I bought this particular brand because I thought the red would compliment your coat. I am still a little worried about what to do with the bottom buckles."

Jasper grabbed her up into his lap in a strategic maneuver to save his mate, sensing the retribution I was planning. In an attempt to distract me he nodded toward what must be his gift.

"Why don't you go ahead and open mine."

Tearing into the bag, I found a small mask and bright green cloth. It was one of those Halloween costumes people buy for their dogs. It was Count Von Count from Sesame Street. The mask was the top portion of his head, and the green cloth was a cape with numbers all over it.

"Jacob, being able to sense people's emotions the way I do I often can decipher their innermost fantasies. Usually people aren't even aware of what is the true desire of their hearts. I thought I would help you along a little - as it's the most a brother can do."

Esme gasped as she sensed the tumble coming. Alice leaped in the air to avoid the scuffle and I turned the chair they had been sitting in over when I made contact with his body. The little twerp was laughing the whole time. We traded a few good punches before Esme's voice broke through the noise.

"Boys if anything gets broken, there will be a price to pay. Jacob, that casserole can come out of the stove right now, and Jasper, I will personally guarantee Carlisle takes the keys to the motorcycle for at least a month."

We dusted ourselves off while Emmett and Rosalie continued to chuckle.

Alice politely said, "Well…well…this game is certainly eliminating the competition fast. Jasper is off the list as well."

I had one more present left. It was obviously from Edward. It was wrapped in aluminum foil and strangely looked like an aluminum foil box. After unwrapping the foil off the box, I found just that - an box of aluminum foil with a letter addressed to me wrapped around it with a rubber band.

The outside of the letter read:

Jacob, Please follow the instructions inside. I concluded this would alleviate your concerns with the pack and keep me sane at the same time. Edward

Opening the letter, I saw explicit printed directions for building what was called an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie. The top paragraph read:

_A simple, inexpensive way to build head ware that can shield your brain from mind control. It protects from incoming signals, but also blocks any form of brain scanning and mind reading…keeping the secrets in your head truly secret._

I was speechless. Nessie took the paper from my hands and began reading it to the family.

"Hey Jake, you could have used this to shield your 'innermost fantasies' from Jasper," Emmett taunted, after she had finished.

Carlisle smiled over to me, and Esme patted my head as she passed by having indicated she was going to check on the casserole. She whispered, "I am proud of you Jacob, only one scuffle. That is probably a record for a first timer."

I stayed silent, feeling like I had just been ran over by a Mack truck.

____________________________________________________________

_**For those interested - Website links for Jacob's gift can be found on my profile.**_

_**Also, I have a list of ideas for gifts - but would welcome any ideas/suggestions for the remaining Cullens. Please PM me.**_


	4. Nessie

Jacob POV

I sat, still a little shell shocked, while the Cullen crew continue to take jabs at me. Maybe they really were the ruthless monsters my forefathers had believed them to be. This experience … it was like they were giving themselves permission to tear into each other once a year. Even the pack's biting comments were tame in comparison.

Esme came back into the room and sat back down. She quickly glanced over to me, and I realized she had interrupted the flow on purpose. She was giving me the chance to recuperate a minute. Okay, maybe I would let the t-shirt and satchel statement slide a little.

I was curious as to how they would take on Nessie. The pampered princess of the Cullen empire - my pampered princess. If Emmett got her anything inappropriate, he and I were going to have a discussion outside. Noticing my gaze, the object of my thoughts looked over, quirking his eyebrow at me. He grinned evilly.

Alice arranged Nessie's packages in front of her, and then flew back to Jasper's lap.

Nessie looked a little uncertain, after seeing what her family had done to me. I could see that she tried to choose carefully which gift to begin with. She decided to go with the obvious one - mine - as I had placed it in an old leather pouch. As she untied the leather strings I wondered if this crazy family would get the humor, or not.

Nessie reached down into the bag and pulled out a necklace made out of fake garlic cloves. I had found them online with Seth. After receiving them in the mail, I spent an evening boring, very carefully, through each one individually. I then snaked a leather thong through each piece, tying knots on each side, to keep the cloves from moving.

"We need to do whatever we can, Nessie, to make sure that no other vampire gets near you," I said, as I took it out of her hands, and placed it around her neck. "You just never know with this group who might get a little hungry, and try to take a bite out of you."

I probably would have felt a little more guilty about the astonished look on her face, if the feel of the leather dog collar on my wrist wasn't so fresh. Nessie's hands went up to touch the necklace in disbelief. I knew of course that the whole garlic, cross, and holy water stuff didn't really work with vampires. I was sure, however, that the message would be clear to the Cullens.

Emmett was the first to speak through the stunned silence. "Well I guess that is as effective for marking your territory as pissing on it."

Emmett and Jasper snorted, but the others managed to get it under control. Carlisle's eyes were suspiciously bright, as he nodded his head to me in praise.

Nessie picked Jasper's present next, and it marked the tone of what she would probably receive from her family. She pulled back the tape to find a large blue box. The outside read: Large Pet Care Kit - Great for grooming care of dogs with longer hair. The picture on the outside of the box clearly displayed a large brush, nail trimmers and file, and what was probably a flea comb.

"Nessie, I know that Jacob would prefer to keep his hair longer. I thought if I bought a grooming kit for you, perhaps he could allow it to grow back," Mr. Touchy-Feely commented.

He turned to look at me. "Didn't you tell me Jake, that the reason you kept your hair so short was because it was more difficult to keep clean and free of tangles, as a wolf? Would it help if Nessie could groom your fur?"

He said this with an utterly sincere face, which was obviously part of the ploy. Okay….I see how it was going to be. Pick on the newcomer through the princess. I saw the game that would be played.

Nessie, however, opened the kit as if she was truly interested.

"Uncle Jasper, you didn't get me one with those electronic clippers?" she asked, upon fully seeing the contents.

Jasper looked to her quizzically.

"Jake, you do remember that vampires' hair stops growing when they are changed. So if Jasper was to accidentally get sheared, he would remain that way forever," Nessie said.

The statement, posed in such a sweet, innocent voice, had the profound effect of being intensively funny and threatening at the same time.

"Nessie, I thought Indians just take the whole scalp instead of cutting the hair?" Emmett retorted.

Rose giggled, but she did slap Emmett on the arm. You know, this family wants people to believe that Emmett isn't as conniving as all the others … playing up the big, dumb guy image. I was beginning to wonder just how much of that was true. He was too quick with his stupid remarks.

Jasper retorted, "Like a pair of clippers or a knife would even come close to hurting me."

A very large box, with a smaller one attached, sat in the middle of Nessie's pile, and I was curious as to the contents. They were wrapped in material, so I naturally assumed it was from Esme. Nessie choose to pick this one next. As she stood to slide it closer to her, it was amazing to see that the box stood taller than she did.

"Open the larger one first, my dear," Esme said, gently.

Nessie ripped the material away, uncovering a box for an extensive collection of Wolfgang Puck cookware. From the items listed on the side of the box, it appeared that Nessie would have enough pots to stock an industrial kitchen. Nessie was ecstatic with the pots and pans. She loved to stay in the kitchen with Esme or Bella while they cooked for Seth and me. She was even known to stick her finger in some of the batters, but few earned a second sample.

Although the gift was truly amazing, I was disappointed that Esme had only been able to find a gift that slightly referred to a dog or wolf. I had come to expect more of her. As Nessie tore the fabric off the second smaller gift, I was reminded, again, to not count Esme out of the game. She had purchased a cookbook for Nessie. In big letters: Pamper Your Dog: Gourmet Recipes for your Pooch. An idiotic dog stared from the cover with its tongue hanging out.

Not to be left out of the fun, Alice leaped over grabbing the book from Nessie and began to read a list of the recipes from the contents. Bow Wow Burritos, Rover's Rewards, and my favorite, MuttLoaf, were just a few mentioned. Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and even Henry snickered at a few. I wondered for a moment, if I couldn't talk Nessie into cooking something truly horrible for all them, and then have her guilt trip them into eating it. I would have to contemplate that possibility.

Nessie continued to smile throughout the whole incident, clearly still tickled about Esme's big gift. I was surprised she didn't come back with another comment.

Carlisle stood and helped Nessie move the items she had already opened over to the side. Four items remained on the floor, and he picked the one up in the hospital gown wrapping, handing it to her before going back to sit by Esme. It was obviously a book. I wondered what great title he had picked out …perhaps, _How to raise a content puppy_, or possibly he would go more traditional and buy something like Old Yeller.

The book looked old. Whatever it was, it obviously made her very happy. Her eyes lit when she looked at the title page. As she looked inside, her smile turned even brighter. She turned the book so that I could read the title: _Rotkäppchen. _ Okay, like I had any clue. Nessie sensed my confusion, and placed her hand to my face.

_Little Red Riding Hood, in German. A first edition - from 1857. Isn't it wonderful?_

Wonderful. I narrowed my eyes at Carlisle and he smiled. And of course he felt the need to share with the group.

"It's Little Red Riding Hood. I found Nessie a copy through a rare book dealer I utilize."

Okay here it comes….

"Who's afraid of the big bad wolf - the big bad wolf - the big bad wolf," Alice sang.

Jasper threw in, "Oh what a big mouth you have…."

"…the better to eat you up," Rosalie ended with flair, providing a realistic growl at the end.

And from the overgrown hormonal teenager. "Oh Grandmother, what big _hands_ you have!"

I knew he would find some way to add reference to sex in - one way or the other.

"Remember Jacob…I have seen you when you phase." He added.

He was going to die. No other way about it. Wait… he was already dead. Maybe I should say - he was going to be dismantled. Piece - by - piece. Nessie looked to me a little puzzled.

I looked back at her and said, "Emmett has insecurities, Nessie. Not all men are created equal."

I had, of course, just confused her more. But, Rose collapsed on the floor laughing and Jasper slid down in his seat. Alice's lips twitched and for a moment I thought she might have to mark herself off the list. Emmett sat fuming - obviously unable to come up with a comeback. He stretched his leg out, kicking one of the remaining packages closer to Nessie. She reached down and retrieved it from the floor.

Nessie tore into the sporting goods bag and something red fell into her lap. She picked up the material, and as it unfolded a very large wolf head with a cap on stared straight at the group. Nessie's eyes however were focused on the back. It was a North Carolina State Wolfpack shirt. Emmett had replaced the NC with the initials JB using what looked to be sewn on lettering. Nessie; however, was grinning from ear to ear as she continued to stare at the back of the shirt. She turned it around and clearly stenciled on the back was the wording, "Team Jacob."

She squealed and dashed over to Emmett, throwing kisses across his face.

"This is awesome!" she danced in a little circle.

"Aunt Rose, help me put it on."

The shirt was obviously too big for her, and the sleeves had to be rolled up so that she could use her hands. The hem hung to almost the ground.

Emmett leaned over to kiss Nessie's forehead while he stared at me over her head. "I thought you might like it - that is why I bought it so big. It should fit your mom, so I figured you could _wear it for years_."

He made sure to emphasize the last four words. Nessie barely heard him, because she had dashed upstairs to get a look at herself in the mirror. Her squeals could be heard coming down the stairs.

"You and I are going to meet outside after this Cullen," I whispered.

"Bring it on," he replied, clearly pleased.

Esme and Carlisle looked on with amusement. Clearly, death threats were a normal part of their routine.

Two items remained. One clearly looked like another book, and the other was a very large, flat box.

Rose picked up the box and set it in front of Nessie. Of course, when she tore through the paper the first thing I saw was the word Dog. Imagine that.

Rose had gotten Nessie a dog bed …one of those things that people put on the floor in the living room or bedroom for their dog to sleep on. As if that wasn't bad enough – she bought the thing in pink and had the words "Born to be Wild" stitched on the side in big black letters. A huge pink bow was attached after the "Wild".

I was waiting for the reference to pink, or how it would coordinate with my fur color, or some other stupid comment. The family looked to me with totally controlled faces. Figuring I would push my luck a little, I looked over to Henry.

"Henry, my boy, come here."

He let go of the couch and went down to his knees. His crawling reminded me of one of those wind up toys, as he shot across the room in a second.

I picked him up placing him down into the bed beside Nessie.

"Yup, seems about the right size."

Rose hissed at me, and I grinned in her direction.

I would love to know what went on in his mind, because he seemed to play along with me. He laid back into the bed and rolled around. Rose went to get him out and he playfully smacked at her hands in an attempt to be left in the thing. Jasper bellowed out a few good laughs at her expense. She glared at him.

"He seems pretty happy there, why don't you leave him?"

Realizing she wasn't going to get him out of the bed without a fight, she gave up and went back over to the couch she had been sitting on. I gave Henry a wink while she had her back turned.

Alice's present lay on the floor. It was wrapped in a shopping bag. Nessie picked it up and opened the bag. She pulled out a book, just as I had figured. It was Cesar Millan's "How to Raise the Perfect Dog." Ha! Ha! …. So funny.

"Nessie, the book is just part of the gift look inside," Alice directed.

Opening the book, Nessie found two airplane tickets to New York.

"He is going to be in New York signing that book. I purchased a trip for us and tickets to the event so you can meet him, and have your copy signed. In purchasing the package deal we also get to sit in a special session, where he talks about his techniques," she explained.

I have never seen the Cullens dumbfounded. I enjoyed the experience. Every set of eyes were trained on Alice waiting for the punch line.

"What?" she said, a little exasperated.

"You are taking Nessie to New York to see the Dog Whisperer?" Rosalie questioned, skeptically.

"Yes, it will be a wonderful trip – just the two of us."

Suddenly, Esme seemed to startle. "Just exactly when is this trip to New York?"

"Not until the first week of October. I had a hard time getting tickets to this event. It sells out very quickly, and I was lucky to snatch the ones for New York," Alice replied.

"Hmmm…isn't that also conveniently when the Paris Fashion group is in New York?" Esme asked, clearly on to Alice.

"Really, is it that week, man how lucky could I have gotten? I need to get on the computer and confirm…" she stopped, realizing that she wasn't getting too far in her con act, from the look in her family's faces.

Jasper just grinned at her. "She's on to you."

"Well, I'll make sure to at least take Nessie by there and get the book signed," she answered, pouting slightly.

Nessie looked down to the ground realizing that all the presents were gone. Then the most incredible thing happened. She began to cry. Everyone in the room froze. I quickly grabbed at Nessie attempting to find out the problem, but Alice beat me to her.

"Nessie, honey, I am sorry did I say something wrong," Alice said, her voice starting to rise as Nessie's crying began to escalate.

I was almost knocked off the couch by Blondie, in her attempt to get to Nessie as well. Within seconds the Cullens surrounded Nessie in an attempt to find the source for her crying. A thousand questions were thrown at her. She barely strangled out, "Jake."

That was all I need to hear. I pushed through the bodies and grabbed her out of Alice's arms. I sat down on the couch so abruptly that the stupid garlic necklace I gave her popped my chest.

"Ness… what's wrong?" I asked, panicked.

The crying escalated even again, but she attempted to force out words.

"With all the dog stuff…I thought somebody…might have gotten me a _PUPPY." _

The last word was wailed out and her little body began to tremble with the sobs. I started growling at the Cullens. All their stupid dog jokes – now look where it had gotten us. They had broken Nessie's heart. Alice started to reach again for her and I growled even louder at her.

They stood looking to us in horror. Carlisle was vibrating with his anxiety – Doc was never anxious. Esme's face was devastated – motherly concern apparent on her face. Mr. Feely had grabbed Ms. Fortune Teller to hold her still - he should have used the energy to calm the disaster brewing on his face. Dumb Jock and Ditzy Cheerleader stood frozen. I worried about Henry – he just sat in the damn bed grinning through the whole thing. Was there something wrong with the kid?

Nessie attempted to take a couple of deep breaths, but failed miserably in controlling her crying. She placed her forehead against my face, I was assuming to feel comforted. Then her hand, that was closest to my chest, stole to the back part of my jaw.

_Jake if you give me away I will never forgive you. You need to start playing it up for me. Start rubbing my back or something like you are trying to get me to stop crying._

Well damn – my devious little Nessie. Her mother could be a handful, but this was obviously all her father's influence.

I began to rub her back and pat her face.

"Sh…Ness. I'll get you a puppy don't worry sweetie. Sh…don't cry."

I looked up at the Cullens. "What were you thinking? She's just a little girl still. She obviously didn't realize you were teasing me through her," I said with just the right amount of disdain. I leaned down to kiss the top of her head in an effort to appear all tore up.

Carlisle crumpled into the chair putting his face in his hands. Esme sat as well, putting her arm around Carlisle's shoulders looking like she would cry if she could.

Nessie had kept her hands around her face, barely touching mine.

_Good one Jake, keep going because I don't know how much longer I will be able to fool Uncle Jasper – thank goodness Daddy isn't here to hear all this._

"What kind of puppy do you want, sweetheart? Tell me and I'll go get it." I said, trying desperately to catch up to the workings of her mind.

"A….a…terrier…something feisty like ….Alice," came through the sobs.

HA! A terrier indeed … or should I call it a terror.

"What about a Jack Russell?"

_Good one Jake, something that would pee all over the place and tear everything up._

I could see the horror in the faces, but they were caving. Henry cackled. Obviously the younger Cullens knew just how to play the older ones. They were going to be terrors growing up together.

Alice began to vibrate in anguish, wrapped in Jasper's arms. He looked almost frozen with the emotions raging through the room. Rosalie finally fell to her knees beside us. She reached up to place her hand on Nessie's knee.

"Nessie … anything you want…I am so sorry. It was just a big joke. I'll do anything…just don't cry anymore."

_Okay – I think we have accomplished what we need to do. I don't think I can keep this level of emotion up too much longer._

She dropped her hands and turned to the room with not a single tear in her eyes.

"Next time…" she turned pointing to the back of her shirt "…just remember whose team I'm on!"

She threw her hand up to mine for a high five.

______________

**Author's Notes: Links to Nessie's gifts to be posted hopefully this evening on my profile. Hope you are enjoying. Please feel free to PM me with any ideas you may have for the rest of the Cullens. **

**Thanks to ****Sammi for the TEAM JACOB idea.**

**Kudos to Saint Nic for the Gourmet Cookbook!**

**Jack Russell Terror was all mine - in memory of my Beau - God rest his hyper soul.**


	5. Jasper

Jasper POV

Nessie dropped her hands and turned to the room, with not a single tear in her eyes.

"Next time…" she turned, pointing to the back of her shirt "…just remember whose team I'm on!"

She threw her hand up to Jacob's for a high five.

Several thoughts hit me at the same time. First, I wouldn't want to make Nessie mad at me; it was clear she would be a formidable enemy. Secondly, I was amazed that she had been able to fool me with her emotions. I had never sensed that she was being anything but what she presented - an emotionally upset child. Lastly, I was quite humored by the looks on my family's faces and their reactions, including my own. I was a little in awe of her, but I would have to find a way to pay her back for taking me on the emotional roller coaster ride.

Emmett bellowed out from where he stood around the couch, "We've just been punk'd. Edward's little terror just punk'd us." He was clearly torn between laughter and indignation. As usual, with Emmett, the laughter won. He sat down in one of the chairs, his chest heaving with mirth.

Alice leaned into me, her eyes promising retribution, and said, "See, that's why we don't need to take in any strays – no respect." I couldn't help laughing. She was probably angrier that she hadn't able to see it coming than she was that it had happened. Knowing her, she would have participated in the drama if given half the chance.

Carlisle honestly looked like he was about to have a heart attack – if vampires could. His face seemed whiter than normal, and his hands continued to shake a little as he stared in disbelief at Nessie. Carlisle was as much a father to me as I could remember my own father being. He took Alice and I in without reservation, helping me to adjust to this foreign way of life. I had seen him go through the events of our lives together without one word of complaint.

During the time we waited to see if Alice and Bella had been able to save Edward, I had seen him grieve. His worry, during Bella's pregnancy, was apparent to everyone. Although I had also seen him contemplative, I had very rarely seen him speechless – but this was one of those times. His mouth kept opening and closing, almost like a guppy, in an attempt to say something. Esme finally leaned over and pressed his mouth closed with her hand, holding it shut.

Esme just smiled. Her happiness radiated throughout the room. She was obviously tickled that Nessie had stood up for Jake. I knew she had almost caved several times during the presents, and I had already planned an intervention if she couldn't hold it together. It was all okay that she was the heart of the group, but there were just times that you had to take invasive action against the individuals in this family - and this was just one of those times.

Rose had knelt at Nessie's feet in remorse when Nessie began wailing about the presents. Henry was sitting up, beside her, in the garish pink dog bed that Rose had purchased. "Born to be Wild" – it was quite funny. Sensing some of the emotions coming off Henry, I wasn't so sure that the bed wouldn't have been more appropriate for him. He was looking very cozy in it. Rose, however, growled as Nessie's hand smacked against Jake's.

Historically, Rosalie would have gotten extremely agitated and stalked off in a fit … even possibly broken a few things … or at the very least required Emmett to coddle her for at least a week or so. So when she stood to her feet with her hands fisted, I figured … here we go again … another Rosalie drama queen moment. Instead, her face stretched into a broad grin, as I sensed her mischievousness. She snatched Nessie off the couch quicker than I could almost follow her movements. Sprinting out the door with Nessie over her shoulder, a still-laughing Rose was quickly being tailed by Jacob. Although still somewhat in a state of shock, we all rushed to the windows to follow the action.

Rose was headed toward the river with Jacob close behind. She reached up, without breaking her stride, and first slipped off the garlic necklace chunking it at Jake. When that didn't distract him, she slipped the "Team Jacob" shirt off Nessie tossing it over her shoulder with precise aim. It flipped back into Jacob's face, causing him to stumble just a second. But that was just long enough for Rose to increase her lead. Without stopping, she jumped into the river with Nessie. When they surfaced, she started laughing out, "Do you know what we do to puppies that mess in their own house ...they get baths." Nessie's peals of laughter rang out through the air in response. Rose and Nessie went back under several more times before Rose felt vindicated. Jacob had slung the shirt over his shoulders and was walking back to the house grinning, as Rose and Nessie walked out of the river soaking wet. Nessie picked her necklace up, placing it on her neck again, while she threw Rose a fake challenging look. Rose doubled over in laughter.

Alice and I were next, but we had to give Rosalie and Nessie time to clean up. I knew that Alice would sacrifice me on the altar of strategic maneuvers. She would make me go first. She loved me to distraction, but when it came to winning the coveted last spot in this competition, Alice Cullen was a ruthless, cut-throat opponent. I knew she was miffed that she had not figured out her presents. We had each taken either Jacob or Nessie with us to purchase them, so that she wouldn't be able to have a clue. My poor Alice, her life changed with Jacob, Nessie, and Henry. She wasn't able to be all-powerful anymore.

Rose and Nessie finally wandered back down the stairs – having showered. Nessie had intentionally put her new shirt back on. She went over to Carlisle and I could quickly tell she was going to "suck up" to him, as Emmett would say. He attempted to give her a reproachful look, but she wasn't fooled. She turned her big brown eyes on him, and he lost the battle. She grinned in delight as he held out his arms for her. Esme patted her on the top of the head from her perch on the arm of Carlisle's chair.

I looked down at the pile of presents and attempted to decide which one to start with. I picked up Emmett's, to go ahead and get the sexual reference or sports memorabilia over with. His present – whatever it was – was tied into a Nike shoe box with a piece of string wrapped around it to keep the lid from falling off. He narrowed his eyes at me as I began to break the string. Opening the box the first thing I noticed was a black oval container of Kleenex. But, it wasn't like any box I had ever seen. Emmett had somehow had the outside cover of the container personalized. On one side, in huge silver letters, were the words "Hang in there." On the other side of the container were the words, "EMO in distress."

Smart ass… Included in the box were several DVDs. I found "Rudy," "Field of Dreams," "Hoosier's," "Brian's Song," and finally deviating from the sports arena came "Officer and a Gentleman," "Shawshank Redemption," and finally "Brokeback Mountain." I looked to Em while Rose began snickering. He, of course, took the opportunity to explain.

"I researched all the Guy-Cry movies to find the best for you. I know you secretly watch those Chick-Flicks with Alice, so I thought I would at least help you man up," he added, with just the right amount of challenge.

I held up Brokeback Mountain shaking it slightly, just waiting to see his explanation about this one.

"Well you know how you cowboys are?" he said, letting his voice trail off.

I knew what was coming…damn perfect vampire recall….

"Do you think I am going too fast? Maybe I should put on the brakes? Fast or slow, I like the direction you're going," Rosalie mimicked the actors' voices from the movie with perfect drawls.

Even Carlisle chimed in with the infamous, "I wish I knew how to quit you…"

But most amazing one was the statement from Jacob. "You're supposed to mind the sheep - not eat them."

Heads whipped around to stare at him in amazement for his uncanny intuition and recall. Carlisle lost it. He began laughing so hard that the structure of the chair was threatened. Henry obvious found the sight of his grandfather's body jerking in convulsions hilarious, and his high squeals joined with Carlisle's. Even Alice was fighting the twitching of her lips. Carlisle kept muttering, "…mind the sheep…not eat them." He continued to chuckle slightly to himself. Alice checked him off the list.

Esme looked to me. "Jasper, why don't you go ahead and open mine? I think it might go famously with Emmett's gift."

Esme really didn't have the heart to play this game. She loved to gently tease each individual in the family, but the all out warfare that generally occurred during this time was just beyond her level of comfort. I had helped her to get Edward's gift, and I honestly felt that she had outdone herself finding the Little Einstein's piano. I had suggested she get one of the xylophones, but she fell in love with the garish gift, swearing it would be just enough to get on Edward's nerves. I couldn't wait for Bella and him to get back to see the thing.

I untied the ribbon surrounding Esme's gift. It was a T-shirt. It was brown, and on the front it said in bold white letters, "NOTHING FEELS GOOD." Obviously it was fashioned after the one worn on the front cover of the similarly titled book. I raised my eyebrow at her and she smiled. Alice, however, had other ideas. Before I knew what she was doing, she ripped the T-shirt I was wearing off my body and was pulling the new one over my head.

"You look good in that color. Esme, I would have never realized he would look good in the winter colors. The brown does something for his complexion." Complexion my butt … my stomach sunk when I realized where this was heading. Every couple of years some poor sucker in the family would get unlucky enough to become a walking showcase for the gifts he/she would receive. There was no rhyme or reason to why it occurred - it just did.

The last really good episode I remembered was back during the late 70's when Edward had to endure dressing up like Elton John, large glasses, flashy clothes, and all and play piano for hours. Alice still had the video stored somewhere. Rosalie was quickly shoving her gift to me towards Alice, and I knew in that moment I had become the next sucker. You couldn't remove the items until the end of the game - and you just prayed that the person who won didn't require you to wear them for a longer amount of time. Edward hadn't been that lucky his year.

Resigned, I picked up Rose's small box. Tearing through the tape on the box, I opened it to find a mood ring. Great! She had harassed me with the things back when they were popular in the 70's.

"I figured we might need a better handle on your moods after the incident with Bella. Alice can help us monitor the colors and if it goes gray or black we can all take you down," she stated, smugly. "Just in case Edward isn't around to read your mind."

The eyes of the family flicked back and forth between us, waiting for my comeback. I took the ring out of the box and placed it onto my little finger – figuring I wouldn't retreat – knowing that would only make it worse.

She continued, "Oh look it stayed black…not good. Jake, grab Nessie and Henry and run - you are the only ones in here right now that might smell half way good to him." With this she stood up in front of them as if to block me.

Of course it was all black – the thing worked off the skin temperature and since I would register as 'dead' on that scale, it wasn't going to do anything different. I looked down, managing an utterly bored look on my face, pretending that the thing might actually work on me. "Hmmm….I wonder what color it would turn if I was being an as…."

Alice had cut off my statement, putting her hand across my mouth. She shook her head a little, looking over towards Nessie. Bella had a fit when any of the group cussed in front of her… although; Nessie's one true puppy love was the worst offender. Everyone, including Rose, smiled in attempts to keep from bursting out. Rose held the title of queen grudge holder, but Bella's temper was even more glorious than Rosalie's.

Speaking of Bella, I picked up her present next, being clued in by the note attached. The rectangular box was heavy in comparison to the other gifts and this raised my curiosity. I pulled the tape way from the paper, laughing that she had utilized left over Christmas wrap. Once I saw the labeling on the box, I was hesitantly hopeful. It said Franklin Mint – I couldn't have possibly gotten lucky this year – could I? Opening the box, I pulled out the chess set, running my hand reverently across the top of the board. Pulling the top off the set, I saw the civil war figures. I picked the Ulysses Grant King out of the box looking at the beautifully sculpted pewter figure. Bella couldn't have chosen a better gift, so what was the catch.

I then noticed two things. One piece was missing. It was Belle Boyd, the Confederate Queen. At the same time a glint of red, on the piece I was holding, caught my attention. Looking back at the figure more carefully I noticed two very small specks of red enamel paint on Grant's neck, in the historically assumed pattern of two vampire teeth. My lips quirked, I knew there would be more. One by one, I picked up the human figures. Robert E. Lee's hair and eyes had been brushed with golden highlights to represent me. George Meade and General Sherman's eyes were painted bright red. Various other of the Confederate soldiers bore striking resemblance to members of the family, while the Union side carried battle wounds, or resembled the others of our kind. It was cleverly done; however, not enough to keep me from truly using the set. My old one was about to fall apart. I would just have to use the Queen from my other set until I could find a replacement.

Esme stepped over to examine the set. "I've never understood why more women don't play chess. The Queen is the piece that holds all the power. The King is stationary."

Emmett hooted, looking over to Carlisle. "Are you going to take that off of her?"

Carlisle's softly accented voice carried clearly throughout the room. "Emmett, if you haven't figured out that the women in this family hold all the power, you are denser than I had previously assumed."

Jacob snorted, enjoying the dig at Emmett. "Come on Emmett, we know that Rose wears the pants in your marriage."

Rose gave Jacob a little smile but, coming to the defense of her mate, she responded, "At least he keeps his clothes on, well, except for the times I want it differently." She ended with a pleased look.

Realizing it was time to continue on with the show before it became too graphic, I reached down and grabbed the next present. It was obviously Carlisle's present, as it was wrapped in the paper hospital gown. I felt a tin can through the wrapping. Curious to see what Carlisle had come up with, I tore the paper and found a customized metal container. On the outside of the can read the words, "Mood Stabilizers." On the back of the tin was a prescription - such as you would find on any pill bottle. "Take ONE in case of emergencies." It was complete with an expiration date, and 'Cullen, Carlisle' listed as the MD. Inside the tin were licorice jelly beans. I quickly slammed the lid down on the package as my stomach revolted. Oh hell…

Emmett slapped a hand over his mouth and nose and looked as if he was about to be ill. Jacob and Nessie looked puzzled. Everyone else looked like they wanted to laugh hysterically. Carlisle looked to me smiling; I mentally bared my teeth at him after calming down a little. Clearly unconcerned about my feelings or dignity, Carlisle took pity on Jacob and Nessie and began to explain.

"Jasper caught the whiff of licorice jelly beans at a mall, years ago, during one of Alice's infamous shopping trips. He bought a very large bag and brought it home. I don't know what got into Emmett, Jasper, and Edward but they decided to try to eat them. Jasper was hooked after the first one. The boys ate the whole bag and walked around gagging for days afterward."

"I couldn't get the taste out of mouth," Emmett moaned, pathetically. "I hunted until I was gorged that week, but it was like the taste couldn't be washed out. My stomach still rolls whenever I smell those things." He was looking at the gift in my hand like it was a very dangerous item.

I could relate, as my stomach still hadn't settled from the whiff I got from opening the tin. I wondered briefly, if I could convince Henry to eat the things - that would be fitting retribution. I looked up and saw Jacob's questioning glance.

"At first they tasted good. I was amazed that I could taste human food, and actually enjoy it. I have faint memories of begging my family for licorice strips when we would visit town. Needless to say, that was the last experiment I attempted," I admitted, sheepishly.

I set the tin of jelly beans as far away from me as possible. As soon as my hands were free, Alice placed a gift in my hands, which I had to assume from the look in her eyes - was from her.

"Before you open this I want you know that I love you beyond all reasonable thought. I know however that my nature is often the exact opposite of your calm, reassuring manner…"

Rose interrupted slightly murmuring, "Except for certain birthday parties…"

Alice rolled her eyes, and continued, "…and I know my exuberance can often be a trial for you. I thought that, at least for the short times we are separated, I would get you a companion that would be perfect for you. A perfect mate…"

I grew nervous about opening the present after her comments.

Tearing into the stapled over brown grocery bag, I found a Deanna Troi figure from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Alice was a minx. I loved the Start Trek series, but attempted to keep my passion a secret from Emmett, who would tease me unmercifully. I looked up to Alice with the promise of payback. She grinned evilly.

"An emotional empath … how appropriate," Rosalie said.

"Hey, they can sit around all night psychoanalyzing each other's feelings," Emmett chimed in.

"_I'm curious. Why're you ignoring the one emotion you've already experienced?" _ Alice quoted one of Troi's scenes from an episode.

"_You're feeling a certain confusion about this mission." _Esme added to the chaos.

"_I can only wonder why, with all the hundreds of genetically compatible women, I would fall in love with you," _I threw out a line that was said to Troi in one of the episodes - but kept my eyes directed at Alice.

She didn't rise to the bait, however, like I was hoping. Instead, she took the figure and bent the legs into a sitting position putting Ms. Empath on my chair arm.

Jacob leaned over to Alice and said, "Get him back by exchanging the word Captain with Major - and say, "Major, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."

"Umm … Jacob … you've got that one wrong," Emmett said. "That was Princess Leia to Han Solo. I'm not a Trekkie, but I know Star Wars, and that was definitely Leia and not Troi. It was in The Empire Strikes Back."

"I think you are wrong Jacob. I believe Emmett is right. But, let's ask Jasper since he knows both of them so well - Jasper?" Alice asked, trying to look innocent.

Okay, now I was really in trouble, not only would my addiction to Star Trek be exposed, but my just as overwhelming dedication to George Lucas' creation was about to be disclosed. I decided to take the fifth and remain quiet, attempting to manufacture a confused look in response to my love's question. Alice reached over and grabbed a package, throwing it down into my lap, clearly not letting me off the hook.

"Edward asked that I make sure you open his present after mine, or mine after his – whichever the case may be." She reached to the bag and tore off the Card #1 – revealing behind it Card #2. Seeing an identical brown paper bag, I knew then that the two of them were in cahoots.

I opened the card and read it. _Knowing that Alice decided to get you a perfect companion for when she is away, I realized that it might possibly take two women to fill our sister's shoes. Then it hit me, you are in love with a woman who is also your sister – has that ever struck you as being odd. No wonder you have always felt so attuned to those movies. Then I knew who would be the most appropriate woman to complete your harem._

Before I even tore into the bag, I knew what I was going to find. I knew there was no hope at this point that I would get away without answering Alice's question. As I tore into the bag exposing the Leia doll, I answered, "Emmett's right … that was Princess Leia."

"See … told ya so," Emmett announced in victory, and then added, "Either way they were both pretty hot."

The men's eyes all glazed as they stared at the doll in my hand, mumbling simultaneously, "golden metal bikini."

"I would have a hard time choosing between those two Jasper, maybe you should just keep them both – you know have a Menage a Troi."

Emmett's reference to the title of one of the Next Generation episodes sent the male minds in the room to wandering. We all received smacks from the women beside us, but it was Nessie throwing the last gift at me, her and Jacob's present, that roused me out of my thoughts. The box hit me in the forehead, and I grabbed it as it started to fall to the floor. She had just a little too much of her mother in her.

Opening the box, I pulled out a souvenir hat. It looked like it had been splattered with red paint. Turning it to the front I saw it was the style of hat worn by General Custer in the Indian Raids. The fake head band read: Custer's Last Stand. Obviously the red paint was to represent blood. I actually quite liked this hat. Custer, from what I had learned from several officers in Texas, had been a jerk. He was constantly in trouble at West Point, and after various reckless but successful campaigns, went down in embarrassment at the Battle of Little Bighorn. He had earned his demise. Plopping the hat on top of my head, I grinned at Jake and Nessie and reveled in their disappointment.

"Figured you wouldn't be caught dead in a Yankee hat, Jasper?" Jacob attempted to recoup his dignity.

"But Jake, you forget - it's a dead Yankee's hat." I countered. Really, I could've care less about the War of Northern Aggression, as my fellow soldiers would have called it. I had joined the Army to find my place in the world. The reasons behind the war had been horrendous, and shameful. The war I had joined soon afterward had been even worse.

"Uncle Jasper, exactly what happened to this General Custer?" Nessie asked.

I explained to Nessie about the Battle of Little Bighorn, what had become more commonly known as Custer's Last Stand.

"Do you think Aro must have had some of the same thoughts as Custer the day the Volturi came to Forks?"

We all looked at her in total confusion.

"You know…. Where the Hell did all these Indians come from?"

The image, as well as the use of profanity from Nessie broke the dam. It took several minutes for everyone to pick themselves off the floor. Nessie had eliminated all the competition with one question. Clever Nessie had not been ready to go down without a fight.

"Young lady…" Carlisle attempted to act serious, "I better not hear that word come out of your mouth again –" he momentarily paused chuckling "- I will personally wash your mouth out with soap …. and even more important, your mother will kill us."

Jacob continued to wipe his eyes with his sleeve in an attempt to control his laughter, while his triumphant imprint jumped onto the couch beside him. I breathed a sigh of relief just a second too quickly.

"Jazz, I want to get a picture of you with your gifts, before we move on to mine."

Alice proceeded to arrange my harem, one doll to each side of me. She cocked my hat to one side, putting the remote control in my hand. The tissue box was tucked between my leg and the side of the chair, but with the "Emo in Distress" clearly visible. She cunningly arranged the videos to the other side so that Brokeback Mountain sat in front. The jelly bean canister sat between my legs, but she smart enough not to insist on opening it. The chess set was displayed on the side table just at the edge. She backed up to take the picture and then came forward again. She took the remote out of my one hand and placed it in the other, in order to position my hand perfectly for the mood ring to show.

As she was snapping the pictures, I swore that I would help Edward find the old video; as payment for helping me destroy the camera disk.


	6. Alice

Jasper POV

Finally tired of the torture, Alice put the camera down. She grinned at me slightly, knowing that she'd had her fun and that her turn was next. I could feel that Alice was nervous. For the first time since we began this crazy game years ago, she didn't know what she was getting. Alice was the undisputed queen of the Cullen family Valentine's tradition. It was easy to stay focused when you already knew what you, and everyone else, were getting. The fact that she had been ousted so early in the game was a true testament to Nessie's ingenuity.

Alice flitted nervously between the furniture; cleaning up the mess and getting her stack ready. The family had broken off into private conversations, waiting for the game to begin again. Alice danced in between the couch and the chair I was sitting in, coming just a little too close to me. I took matters in my hands; grabbing her around the waist and dragging her into my lap. She weighed less than a fly, looking like a child's doll in my lap.

"Jas…."

I cut her off by giving her a deep kiss. For just a few seconds, her body continued to twitch uncontrollably; seemingly traveling in a million directions. But finally I felt her relax and then focus on the contact between our lips. I knew I had her attention when her tiny hand slipped into my hair locking our lips together. I slowly eased my lips away, smiling down into her face.

"Feeling better?" I asked.

"Not yet," she replied, pulling my lips back to hers. She proceeded to kiss me senseless. I would have been lost had it not been for the sound of Nessie's giggling. Alice slowly broke away from me, reaching up to tweak my nose before she turned to the family. Nessie and Henry were looking at Alice and me; grinning ear to ear. Living in a family of mated vampires, they had probably seen more public affection than was healthy for their age, but it was an unchangeable fact. Em, Rose, Alice, and I were lucky. Edward was still dealing with his newly awakened sexuality, so he and Bella were the worst offenders for being caught by the kids in compromising positions. Rose loved to harass him about corrupting her "precious angel." It was great fun to be able to have this opportunity with Edward. My brother was finally happy, and I couldn't be more delighted.

Alice scooted off me and onto the floor. Henry crawled over to Alice and she crossed her legs, putting him into her lap. Nessie sat directly beside them. Alice was so tiny, that she almost looked like a third child. Nessie would catch up to her before too long. She seemed to ponder the stack before her. I had seen this look in her eyes before, when she calculated her next move when playing chess with me. Before, Jake, Nessie, or Henry's arrival, I had stood almost no chance of actually beating Alice. Now I bribed one of the kids to stay with me whenever I wanted a fair game out of her. Alice was attempting to decide which of her gifts to start with. Her eyes finally settled on the gift wrapped in Christmas paper. This would most likely be from either Bella or Edward.

Grabbing the package, she set it before Henry, so he could tear through the paper. Henry laughed as paper went flying throughout the room. Esme's smile at his laughter was glorious. She slid from the arm of the chair she had been sitting on, down onto Carlisle's lap turning to him with a message-laden look. Carlisle's peacefulness was palpable. He slipped his arms around Esme's waist, settling her firmly against him.

Henry uncovered a battered shoe box. As Alice was about to open the box, the timer on the stove in the kitchen went off, notifying Esme that Jake's casserole was done. Seeing the contentment on Carlisle's face, I started to rise to keep Esme from having to leave. Jake, however, beat me to the punch. "I'll get it," he said, rising.

"He just wants to get it first so that he can go ahead and dive into it," Emmett teased as Jake walked from the room.

"I have to taste it to make sure it is done," Jake called back. His voice continued, "Alice go ahead, I will be back in a few.

Alice took the top off the box, and I saw a folded over letter, addressed to Alice, in Bella's handwriting, sitting atop a pair of garish purple shoes. I also saw a pair of similarly colored socks, and a couple of CD's tucked neatly to the side of the box. I started laughing out loud when I saw the look on Alice's face. She was busted. I owed Bella big time. Alice picked up one of the shoes by the shoestring, holding it as far away from her body as possible. As the shoe turned, it glittered in the diffuse light coming through the window. She glared at me for my outburst.

While Alice was distracted by the sight before her, Nessie picked up the note and began to read aloud.

"Alice, I'm sorry I can't be there to share this moment with you. I recently uncovered, with the help of a few of your siblings, your previous infatuation with Donny. I was amazed that you would be so unfashionable as to wear purple socks, but I figured if you could break out of your mold, that I would help you with this character growth. Esme indicated that it has been a couple of decades since you purchased your secret addiction. For shame! I decided that if I was going to expand your horizons, I would also add comfort to them. To get you back into the mood, Edward helped me pick out a few of Donny's classics on CD. Jasper also helped me download some songs onto your IPod. No need to thank me. Love, Bella."

"Donny?" Nessie questioned the group. We all snickered, enjoying Alice's discomfort.

"Donny Osmond, Nessie. He was one of Alice's crushes a couple of decades ago. He and his sister had a program on TV, and Alice made us watch it every week. We caught her running around the house a few times wearing purple socks, although she would have never been caught out in public with them. Didn't she drag you to a concert, Jasper?" Emmett added, throwing a taunting look to Alice.

I groaned. I could still remember all the eight to ten-year-old girls screaming in delight when Donny took the stage.

"Do we all want to discuss our crushes?" Alice responded, having finally rallied. "I can think of a few that might provide some good discussion for you Emmett."

Emmett shrugged his shoulders; clearly unconcerned. We all knew Emmett's crushes, ie… anything female.

Alice threw the offending item back into the box, shoving the top back on. However, she wasn't fast enough to stymie Henry. He had grabbed the socks out of the package, and had begun to push at Alice's heels. Alice was stuck. She couldn't insist I wear the items for my roast, and then not wear hers. What was fair for the goose was fair for the gander. After Henry and Nessie placed the purple socks on her feet, he smiled; patting Alice's feet for good measure. He looked up at Alice with an angelic expression, seemingly pleased that he could help her in obtaining Nirvana. Looks could be deceiving. I could feel the impishness in the gesture. He turned to me, and winked. I loved this kid. Alice saw me looking at Henry and stuck her tongue out at me. She grinned; seeing my humor.

"Yeah, now you're forcing poor Jasper to put up with your addiction to Johnny Depp," Emmett announced, as Jacob walked into the room, with a plate in his hand.

"What are we talking about?" Jacob asked.

"Men," Alice giggled.

"Well Mr. Depp definitely provides us with an ideal for the perfection of the human male," Rose added, giggling as well, clearly picking up Alice's giddiness. Alice and Rosalie shared a knowing look and then beamed at each other.

Emmett threw a threatening look at Rose.

"What? You can have the 'Golden Metal Bikini," but we can't drool over abs?" Rose challenged.

I could sense the dichotomy of the responses in the males in the room. None of us were stupid enough however to admit we didn't want them looking, as it would be a double standard.

"Actually Aunt Rose, I think Zack Efron is cuter, and he has a nicer stomach," Nessie voiced.

You could have heard a pin drop in the room.

"WHAT!" Jacob roared, almost spilling his plate onto the floor as he stood. He looked incredulously toward Nessie.

The rest of us stared at her dumbfounded.

Nessie turned on him. "Jacob Black, _sit_ back down. I live with role models of perfection everyday. I know what constitutes 'good looking', and what doesn't." She sniffed in disdain at the rest of us, before slyly looking at Jacob with a smile.

Jacob collapsed back onto the sofa, properly chastised.

"Talk about wearing the pants in the family…" Emmett mumbled.

Alice reached blindly for the next present in an attempt to smooth over the awkward moment. She picked up what appeared to be a large poster tube. It had a note attached, so it was obviously from Edward. She opened the note and began to read:

_Alice, I have noticed that your visions seem unclear lately. Out of concern for your mental health, I have found a few things that will hopefully help you strengthen or clarify them. To make it easier for you, I attempted to put one of the items in terms that you could understand. Love, Edward_

Alice pulled the stopper off the end of the tubing. As she turned it upright a beat up pair of black horned rim glasses fell into Henry's lap. Nessie snatched them up placing them on Alice. Her eyes blinked owlishly through the lenses. We all laughed. She resembled a nerdy librarian, hmm…

She pushed the glasses to the top of her head. "I can't wear these; they throw my visual sight off. Wow….I can't imagine having to wear those long," she said, as she rubbed her eyes.

She then placed her finger into the tubing and pulled out a rolled up poster. She smoothed it out. Edward had created an alternative Snellen Eye Chart. Instead of the traditional letters, he had cleverly replaced them with famous designer logos. For instance, the C looked like the intertwined C's of the Chanel brand, the L was the LV for Louis Vitton, and the F was the flip flopped Fendi design. He had however broken the pattern on the last three lines of the chart. In the very small print below the 20/20 division was the following message:

- P L E A S E -

P R A C T I C E

F O C U S I N G

Rose snorted, "Like she would even need her sight to find those brands. She would be able to find them by smell."

"She can probably type them out on the internet and sort, just by touch," Emmett added.

"Aaaah … but those glasses … let me see them Alice?" I asked. I wasn't ready yet to let Edward's gift go.

She passed them off to me. I gently pushed the lenses out of the frames and then handed them back to her. She went to put them back on her head.

"Unh…unh….put them back on," I told her, holding her gaze intently.

She began to look at me crossly, figuring I was making her do it out of spite - then her eyes widened as she suddenly picked up on my mood. Her intrigued smirk conveyed her understanding.

Emmett snickered from across the room, but I was lost in my fantasies as I stared into her horn-rim-framed eyes. Nessie snapped her fingers in front of Alice's face to get our attention. Everyone in the room burst out laughing at how easily we had gotten distracted - again. Alice smile bashfully before re-focusing on her pile of presents. We definitely needed to go hunting tonight … by ourselves … Alice saw my decision, and her smile brightened considerably, obviously seeing our trip already in her mind. I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

Nessie took pity on Alice and picked up a box; handing it to her. "This is from Jake and me. Maybe you should open it next."

Alice slipped her fingernail in to break the tape and pulled the lid open. She reached in and pulled out a bunch of tissue surrounding a round object. She uncovered a used Magic 8 ball. The "8" on the side had a picture of Alice taped over it. She crossed her eyes in vexation.

"If Daddy's chart doesn't help, maybe that can clear up your problems, Aunt Alice," Nessie said through her giggling.

Emmett reached over and snatched it out of Alice's hands. He shook the thing and asked, "Alice, will I find a really angry grizzly on my next hunting trip?"

Alice was about to tell him that of course she couldn't know, because of the proximity of Jacob, Nessie, and Henry. Emmett continued however, with his plan of action by ignoring her and looking down to the answer window.

"_Outlook not so good._ What the heck kind of answer is that? I should be able to find at least one if I go far enough."

Rose jumped up from where she was sitting by Jacob and grabbed the ball from Emmett, sitting back down.

"Alice-ball, are Edward and Bella having a good time in Chicago?" She asked.

"_Cannot predict now. _ Hey what's wrong with this thing?" She then looked over to see Jacob sitting beside her. "Are you messing with this thing too?"

He snorted, taking it out of her hands. "Let me ask a better question, which might also answer yours. Alice-ball, are Edward and Bella utilizing my and Nessie's present right now?"

He looked down and his face split into a grin. "_Better not to tell you now."_

Jacob glanced up and saw quizzical looks on all our faces. He looked to us, glancing toward Nessie and Henry, and then somewhat embarrassed, said, "I found a copy of the Kama Sutra."

Emmett's face registered shock for the smallest of moments, and then he burst out into gut wrenching laughter. I was right behind him. I bet Edward was furious. I could only imagine what his face looked like when he and Bella had opened that one. I heard Carlisle's snorts coming from across the room. Jacob was attempting to hold it together because he was fielding questions from Nessie.

Alice was laughing despite herself. She chuckled before adding, "I'm not sure I would count Edward out on that matter, he has been privy to all our thoughts around here. He could probably author his own book."

Rose just sat on the couch shaking her head from side to side, smiling slightly. Esme was still sitting in Carlisle lap and smacked him in the chest trying to get him to stop. Carlisle began drawing in big breaths, and shrugged his shoulders at Esme. He leaned in and said something to her, low enough that the rest of us couldn't hear. She put her hands to her cheeks, and I was certain she would have blushed if she could. She smiled bashfully back at him.

Nessie, being a little frustrated by Jacob's evasive answers grabbed the ball and shook it. "Will anyone blame me if a certain wolf disappears?

"_My sources say no_. Hey, I like this present," she announced to the group. We all made various offers to help, but Jacob just rolled his eyes at the threats.

Carlisle, not to be left out of any opportunity to harass his children, grabbed the ball and shook.

"Alice-ball, will my children quit breaking Esme's furniture and begin to behave as rational adults?"

He looked at the window, "_You may rely on it_."

He then looked up at all of us. "This thing is as broken as our little Alice. It seems we won't get any clear answers from here either."

Alice had had enough. She flew into a standing position supporting Henry on her hip and stalked over to reclaim her gift from Carlisle. Sitting back down she put Henry back into his previous position. He took the ball from Alice's hands and began shaking it. Whatever questions he was proposing in his head must have been good ones, because smile after smile came to his face. Where was Edward when we needed him?

Alice reached over to grab a larger box. It was mine. Now thinking about it, I wasn't sure that my gift was going to be all that funny. I was relying on Bella's part to goad Alice, but it might be too subtle to really do the trick. Rose's part was much more technical. I had wrapped it in Barbie comic book pages, which Nessie and Henry had colored for me.

Alice opened the top lid on the box and looked down into the box. She reached in and brought out a very strange creation. I had found a Barbie Porsche on line. It was unfortunately red, and a Boxster versus a 911, but it was as close as I could find for what I wanted. Rose and I had taken the toy apart so that I could utilize the body. We had then purchased a used radio control car, one of those kinds that require nitro fuel. Generally the fiberglass outer shell on the RC cars is easily replaceable, as they take a good amount of abuse from their usage. The main point of the purchase was for the working car structure underneath. Rose had helped me re-attach the Barbie body to the frame. It was awkward looking. It reminded me of some of the toys the child villain had created in Toy Story. But it created what I wanted … a supercharged Barbie vehicle.

Bella donated a Barbie that she had found in her bedroom upon moving back into Charlie's house. It had been naked, so clothes were a necessity. We had found another darker headed companion at the store. Bella had gone overboard, mumbling the whole time she shopped about paying Alice back for making her a living Barbie dress up doll over the last few years. Bella's sense of humor; however, and her call to keep the tradition of "would not or could not use" alive in the game, was in full force. She solely purchased jeans and t-shirts for the doll – and a matching pair of purple tennis shoes. As a child, Bella had cut the doll's hair with scissors, so she went back and shaped the remains into spikes and dyed them black to make a mini Alice.

Alice quirked her eyebrow at me, before she set the vehicle and its occupants down on the carpet. Reaching back inside the box she brought out the remote control. She then gave into her curiosity. "I'm not sure I understand Jazz."

Emmett and Jacob; however, broke into the conversation.

"Those things are actually cool. They fly once you get the hang of it. You can build obstacle courses, and other stuff," Jacob stated, getting down into the floor to look at the contraption.

Emmett joined him.

Alice then looked closely at the dolls. "Are those the clothes they came in?" she asked, clearly offended.

"Bella picked out the clothes for you. There is a bag of items in the box."

I chuckled when she didn't even bother to reach inside and pull out the bag to look. Her judgment on Bella's fashion sense was clear.

"I figured that you couldn't drive your Porsche everywhere, or like you wanted, so I bought you a replacement."

Emmett and Jacob were already heading out the door with the invention, and the family followed. After priming the vehicle, Jacob grabbed the control from Alice and said, "Watch this, one of the guys on the reservation had one, so I have played with them before."

Mini Alice and Mini Bella flew across the cleared off space behind our house. The car went almost to the river before Jacob turned the controls causing it to spin erratically before heading back toward us. The Alice doll looked like she was holding on the steering wheel. Mini-Bella had slumped sideways during the turn, but her hair flew straight back in the wind. Half way across the field, Jacob headed the car for a slight bump in the ground. The dolls and car went airborne. The car landed, veering wildly before Jacob got it back under control. Mini Bella was lodged in a tree at the edge of the clearing. Mini Alice sat flat on the ground – her hands still extended as if touching the wheel. Henry started laughing hysterically and making crashing noises. "Krrr….Boom….."

Emmett sprinted to the dolls and retrieved them. He held his hand out for the control and Jacob handed it over. Henry held his hands up to Jacob to be lifted, obviously to have a better view of what was occurring. Emmett took the car out across the field holding the throttle fully open. The little vehicle streaked across the yard. As he arced back toward the house, he cut too close to one of Esme's planters knocking into the side of it, tearing a piece of the plaster loose. Esme growled at him. The car then headed directly toward us, spinning out to rest before us … the dolls however, without the benefit of seat belts, hurled into us. The Bella doll smacked Jacob upside the head, as his hands had been occupied by Henry and his food. Carlisle had caught Mini-Alice mid air.

"I wonder how many times Mama has wanted to do that for real?" Nessie pondered, with a smile.

"Thelma and Louise," Alice stated.

"Huh?" Rose asked, turning to look at her.

"I am going to call them Thelma and Louise," Alice grinned, eyeing the dolls with satisfaction.

She danced over to Emmett for tutoring on the controller. Within just a few seconds, Alice had the car streaking around the yard. Before we finally decided to go back in and continue the gifts, Thelma and Louise ended up dirty, from running through mud puddles, and had landed in various locations and positions throughout the back yard.

'Jazz," she said, looking up to me through her glasses, as we were entering the doorway. "I like my gift, but the clothes have got to go." She shuddered delicately.

I had been right. I had imagined a long internet session focusing on fashionable Barbie items. I heard her speak to Rose about rigging up some safety belts for the dolls. Well, I had failed in the funny department, but what I lost there was made up by the fact she was still wearing her glasses and socks. Holding the vehicle to her side, she had now transformed into the nerdy science geek chick, pondering the benefits of her creation. Or maybe it was Thelma from Scooby Doo. Man… I had it bad …

We all sat back down again. Rose was sitting in Emmett's lap on the couch, next to them were Jake and Nessie. Carlisle and Esme had taken the chair, again snuggling against each other. Henry was cruising around the area, hanging on to the chairs, couches and tables. Alice took her spot on the floor in front of her remaining presents. The presents were all connected by a ribbon that ran through four identical white plastic bags. Each one had a bright red cross on it. Obviously Carlisle had pilfered them from the hospital.

Alice grinned over at him and pulled the bags toward her. I could see at least one package wrapped in the paper hospital gowns. Alice pulled this one out and began to open it up. Inside was a dark gray and black robe. Alice shook it out. The family started cracking up and Alice looked up quizzically. Jacob twirled his finger to indicate that she should turn the robe around. When she did, I realized what had sparked the humor. The back of the robe featured a large wolf head.

"Considering the recent development of your headaches, I wanted to make sure that you had something to make yourself comfortable. Rose, Emmett, Esme and I felt that since you can't take medication, we would get you some items to help you during your time of need."

She smirked, starting to place the robe to her side. Carlisle shook his head and said, "I believe I would like to see it on you Alice … just to make sure it will fit."

Alice glared fake daggers at him, but no one was fooled - she was loving every moment of this. She stood up to put in on. It was so big that it almost dragged the ground. She cinched the belt around her tiny waist, and turned in a slow pirouette. She took off across the floor like a model walking the catwalk. She perfectly imitated the bored look of most supermodels, as her hips threw the material from side to side. Jacob let out a couple of wolf calls as Alice modeled her newest acquisition. Emmett let out a very karaoke version of "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred.

The family was rolling by the time she sat back onto the ground before the last three gifts. I could see that she decided to get them all done in one fatal swoop. She pulled out the next package, Rose's, and un-wrapped a pair of wolf bedroom slippers. The third package held a large stuffed wolf from Emmett, and the final package from Esme contained an ice pack and a CD that combined instrumental music with howling wolves.

"Wolf girl …" Jacob mumbled, throwing in a little barb.

Alice knew it was inevitable, so she proceeded to slip the wolf slippers over her purple socks and put the ice pack on top of her head, bringing the elastic binding under her chin, and stuffed the wolf under her arm without prompting.

"Like I said, we tried to think of everything," Carlisle snickered.

Even Esme joined in on the explosive laughing that followed the combined gifts. I quickly located the camera across the room. However, as I put my hand on it, Jacob's covered mine.

"I believe a joint picture might be just what we need here," his deep voice came from behind me.

Stupid mutt. Alice and I would never live it down. My own mother was the worst contributor arranging Alice, me, and our gifts to perfection. The whole family stood behind Esme giggling at the digital frames as picture after picture was snapped.

"Don't worry Jazz, we'll find a way to pay them back, one way or the other," my gypsy whispered into my ear.

__________________________________

I could still hear the roars of laughter downstairs as the family continued to tease Emmett about his gifts. The game had finally ended, and I had brought my and Alice's gifts up to our room. I reverently placed the chess set on the table between our two chairs. Even with all enhancements Bella had cleverly done, it was still a glorious gift. I was anxious to get on line and see if I could find the missing chess piece. To be missing the Confederate Queen would be a travesty.

I heard Alice's soft footsteps as she entered into our room and I turned to smile at her. She was still wearing the robe, and her slippers.

"I have something for you," I told her.

Going to the closet, I pulled out a gift bag. She had gone over to our bed and crawled into the center. I saw that she had two bags, sitting beside her as well. I quirked my eyebrow at her.

"I had them sitting beside the bed," she indicated, smiling her sweet smile.

I loved this woman to distraction. I wasn't sure what I had ever done to deserve such a mate, but I wasn't going to waste my time questioning my luck. I would rather spend it enjoying her. I scooted over to the center of the bed so that I could sit beside her.

"You go first, because I'm not sure when Jacob is going to be far enough away, that you will see it. I like having this element of surprise," I told her.

She began quivering with her excitement and squealed when I handed her the package. She reached inside the bag and pulled out a large memory album. The girls had been invaluable in helping me get this present together. We had spent hours cutting and pasting and decorating the gift. Emmett had unselfishly spent massive amounts of time helping with research - and a little breaking and entering. Jacob's talent at drawing had also been put to work creating whimsical scenes throughout the book.

The front part of the album was leather, and I had the letters MAB tooled into the material in calligraphy. Alice looked at the front of the gift for a few seconds, and then turned her eyes to me. Her expression told me everything. She reverently turned to the first page. In it was a black and white picture of Alice as a baby. We had placed her birth date below the picture. What followed on the pages to come were pictures of her family, pictures of her with her sister playing, pictures of as many of her relatives as we could uncover, including shots of her niece in Biloxi - and her family. Towards the end of the book, it transitioned. Next came pictures of our family. Random, but cherished shots of us together over the years; enjoying our lives.

Each of us had chosen an important picture of Alice and us together, and then written a little note to her. For instance, Edward had chosen a picture of he and Alice sitting at the piano. The light had been streaming through the windows creating a haloed effect around them. I had not read the words he had penned to the page, wanting those thoughts to be private between them. Rose had chosen a picture of her and Alice staring off into the distance. Henry was ensconced between them. I remembered the day. The boys and I had been rough housing out in the yard. Alice and Rose had sat on the sidelines with Henry making bets on who would be the victor. Esme had been taking pictures of us - as usual.

"How…?" her voice actually shook as she looked to me.

"I know you did research at the library, trying to find what you could, but I was honestly amazed you didn't go to the length of visiting your niece's house. Emmett and I didn't have such scruples. He's made several trips to Biloxi, to her house, when your niece has been away, going through her stuff, and books. He's become a pro at stealing pictures, copying them, and returning them without your niece even being aware. We left the spot in the back for a new picture of the two of us." At that moment, I realized that Esme would probably insist that the picture from just a few minutes ago would claim the coveted place.

"Jazz … I don't know what to say. I'm a little overwhelmed, and ashamed to say that my present is nowhere as incredible as this." She looked a little upset about this fact.

I reached over and grabbed her face between my hands. "You are my gift … every single day … I'm humbled that you love me, despite everything."

She ran her hands lovingly across the album in front of her, gazing unseeingly.

"Jasper, I am the one who has been given far more than anyone could ever ask for." She raised her hand placing it along the side of my face, for the briefest of moments. I turned my face to kiss the palm of her hand.

She reached down and picked up the smaller of the two packages.

"Bella wanted me to give this to you, after everything was said and done," she stated, handing the bag to me with a curious expression.

I was also curious why Bella would have an extra gift for me. There was a note attached.

_Jasper, for some reason I couldn't live with the idea of not making your gift complete. Maybe because of the incredible role you played in making my life complete. I know you believe that your actions on my birthday led to a horrible time in my life, and you have lived with that burden. I will not attempt to convince you that what happened that night, including the consequences, is anything different than what you have convinced yourself they are. You and I are both too intelligent for that. However, I offer you an addendum to that story. Had Edward and I not separated, had that separation not led to our visit with the Volturi - I wonder how long Edward would have continued to keep me at arms length - insisting that I stay human. I would have died growing old along side this family. It would have been an excruciating death. Instead, you served as a catalyst to my obtaining everything - everything I had ever wanted - everything I never knew I wanted. Inadvertently, you handed me my life. So I now, symbolically hand you yours. Love, Bella_

My hands shook as I read the letter again. I closed my eyes and suddenly, I was at peace with my world. The last remaining vestiges of the shame that had resided in my body for the previous year and a half now slipped away like a vapor. I was struck speechless. Alice broke me from my momentary reveries by reaching over to softly take the note out of my hands and replace it with an object wrapped in tissue paper. I unwrapped the paper to find the missing Queen: Belle Boyd, a Confederate spy and a gatherer of information. Appropriately, Bella had painted the figurine with spiky black locks and golden eyes, so that it now resembled my own little spy. Yes, I held a symbol of my life in my hands.

Alice had read the note, and met my gaze with a bittersweet smile.

"I told you, Jazz; it's time to move on." She grinned and leaned over to kiss me softly.

Before I could get carried away, however, she plopped her gift onto my lap.

"I feel bad now, reading Bella's note, that I didn't buy you something romantic. But Edward helped me find these, and I admit I have been waiting to see you in them."

I could smell the distinct odor of leather and against my better judgment I was curious. I reached down into the large bag and pulled out a black leather Ducati riding jacket. The pants quickly followed.

"It's for the motorcycle. Edward had purchased some for himself, when he planned to ride with Bella, but he and I both agreed that the pants would be short on you. I ordered a similar set for us to ride together. I know we don't really need them, but since we have to continue the human charade, I thought we could do it in style. Would you put them on for me, please …?" She begged, pouting her lower lip out.

I grinned, "Only if you do the same …"

Within a few seconds Alice stood before me decked out in a black leather riding outfit. I reached over to where she had put the glasses, and perched them on her nose. I imagine my eyes turned black with the emotions and thoughts I was having. My hands reached for her almost involuntarily. I was startled when she slapped my hands.

"No way …. I like these too much to get them ripped apart, and I like Esme's shirt too much to let anything happen to it either. Put some more clothes on and let's go." She bounced foot to foot as she changed her clothes in a whirl of motion. As she raced in front of me into the forest, I heard her tinkling laughter floating in the wind.


	7. Esme

Carlisle POV

The whole family stood behind Esme, giggling as she took frame after frame of Alice and Jasper. Esme had taken the time to arrange all their gifts around them for the photographs. I knew she would find some way to utilize the prints. She had a special album set aside just for the pictures of our Valentine's Day events from over the years. She kept it hidden from me; most likely afraid I would remove several of pictures. She was right. Several of them were frankly mortifying.

I heard Alice whisper to Jasper, "Don't worry, Jazz. We'll find a way to pay them back, one way or the other."

I found Alice's statement humorous. It was hard to regard her threats as serious. Because she was victorious in this game so often, we rarely had to escape her wrath. I would have to ask Edward to keep a good watch on her for me, just in case. Although, knowing how close those two were, it was hard to know to whom he would give his allegiance.

Esme and I were next. Looking at Esme laughing with the kids, I wondered whether she would opt to go first or make me. The kids thought that Esme was too soft hearted for this game; they just didn't realize the degree of subtlety with which she played. Looking over to see Jacob laughing along with the group, I remembered the moment that Jacob's face revealed his knowledge of Esme's talent. She had never been the one to carry the brunt of the winner's choice.

When she turned around, she caught me looking at her speculatively, and responded with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Since no one else was watching, I gave her the "bedroom" smile, as she called it. I was instantly gratified when she became flustered and had to turn away. She would probably bury me tonight, so I had to enjoy the small victories.

Alice and Rosalie began sorting our gifts in front of the chair in which I was sitting. I heard Esme walking up behind our chair and felt her tug my hair sharply as she walked around to sit back in my lap.

"That wasn't fair, Carlisle. Remember, our grandchildren are here now. It's bad enough that we live with three other couples, who are fully aware of everything. Let the babies have a few more years."

I drew her to me and began to nuzzle her at one of my favorite spots, between her ear and hairline. I spoke very softly in order to insure our privacy. "Those 'babies' have seen far too much already, and their parents are the main culprits." I continued to run small kisses and nips down her neck, using her hair to disguise my actions. "But, if I must, I'll behave until later," I sighed, huffing in both genuine and contrived impatience.

Esme hissed under her breath, but in her defense, she did attempt to do it softly. As Alice and Rose turned and smirked at us, I realized she had not been subtle enough. I grinned in good humor at my daughters.

"Okay everyone, let's get started," Alice called the group back to order.

"Esme, who's going first?" Rosalie asked. I liked how she completely ignored me, and then grinned at me in challenge.

"Children. You can raise them, but you can't make them grow up," I muttered to Esme, shaking my head in false exasperation.

"I'll go first, my dear, since it seems you need a few moments to deal with your failures as a father," Esme stage whispered, with the sincerest of smiles pasted on her face.

I heard Jacob, Emmett, and Jasper chuckling under the breath and shot them looks. Even my own grandchildren got into the action, as Renesmee mimicked the actions of pulling on a pair of pants while Henry watched in glee. I was instantly reminded of the comedian Rodney Dangerfield. "I get no respect."

Esme smiled over at Nessie and Henry, asking, "Why don't you come over and hand me my presents?"

Nessie picked up Henry from where he was playing in the hideous pink dog bed and flitted across the room. She sat down around the pile of presents, putting Henry to her side. Henry reached over and grabbed a small package. It looked to be a small book of some kind.

"That's a combined gift from Bella, Rosalie, and I," Alice indicated.

Esme smiled in affection at the two daughters present as she carefully tore the Christmas paper, revealing a small photo album. The front read: Grandma's Brag Book. I hazarded a guess at what would be on the first page.

The girls had arranged for us to go to a professional studio in Los Angeles and have family pictures made. Esme had been begging for years to get shots of us together. We had been able to accomplish this when Esme had taken a weekend trip to visit the Denali clan. She had been hurt that no one wanted to accompany her. We had all come up with excuses as to why we couldn't go. When she had begun to waver about going by herself, I enlisted Carmen, letting her in on our plans. Esme had been incapable of canceling, and thereby hurting Carmen's feelings.

The girls had insisted on two different family shots. One portrait was of us all dressed in formal attire. The boys all wore black tuxedos, and the girls were in matching floor length black dresses. The female photographer had a difficult time paying attention, and I saw Edward's lips quirk several times in reaction to her thoughts. The male attendant had fared no better.

Since I personally possessed the first picture, I was laying odds that the girls used a copy of the second shot for the photo album. Alice had found, through a costume company, black silk cloaks, lined in blood red satin. They resembled the ones worn in old vampire movies. She and I had gone together to purchase several bags of theatrical blood. I had used mine for Edward's gift, but Alice had used hers to set the stage for the second picture. Bella had found a long brown wool cleric's cloak for Jacob.

Rosalie had rented a chair from an antiques proprietor. It resembled the thrones that I knew Aro, Caius, and Marcus had in Volterra. At first I was slightly uneasy with the representation, but Rose was adamant. Alice had flitted around the studio, arranging everything to perfection. She sat me down on the chair and asked me to rest my arms on the chair sides, and steeple my hands. I was instructed to look at the camera with an authoritative look, and I was specifically told to quirk my eyebrow. I felt like the Godfather.

Henry was seated on my leg, leaning against the side arm of the chair. Alice turned his body slightly to the side, and asked that he turn his face to the camera. He held a small, detailed globe in his hands. Alice arranged the rest of her siblings around me as I sat in the chair.

Emmett knelt to my side, but slightly forward, with Rose's body draped over his bent knees. Rose's face looked toward the camera, and she was able to portray an expression of complete abandon. Emmett's mouth was latched on her white skin directly over where her heart would be. Alice had taken a dropper and placed a small line of blood dripping down from where Emmett's mouth would have theoretically pierced her skin.

Edward stood to my right side, with Bella's hair wrapped around his fist several times. It looked like he had forced her head backward as she stared straight at the ceiling in ecstasy. His lips pressed to her jugular area, with his face toward the camera. Blood dripped down Bella's throat winding its way down the deep V of her dress.

Alice had Jacob stand to my left side, holding Nessie in his arms. He was wearing a crucifix outside the simple cloak, and Nessie held a very long wooden stake in one hand and a bottle of what I would assume was meant to be holy water in the other. She instructed Jacob to glare at the camera; Nessie was directed to smile innocently.

Jasper had waited patiently to my other side while Alice arranged the picture to the girls' specifications. Our ability to stay perfectly still helped to create the scene Alice desired, but I could tell that the ambiance of the moment had finally worked through the photographers' subconscious. I could hear their heartbeats accelerate, and Emmett's slight laughter in response. Edward snickered slightly, obvious picking up Emmett's thoughts. I wasn't too sure I wanted to know what the two of them were thinking..

Finally, Alice flitted over to Jasper. She asked him to get down on one knee just in front of Jacob and Nessie. She sat on his leg placing her wrist at his mouth, asking him to place his teeth around her. She brought out the stopper and finished off the crime scene with several lines of blood traveling down her lower arm toward her elbow. She stared straight into his face, with a look of love, as he leaned over her arm.

Her "Okay, we're ready" shocked the camera crew into action. Several rounds of shots were done to insure a good one, just like the formal picture. We all heard the studio employees breath sighs of relief when we exited the building.

With our unnatural beauty, both pictures had turned out extraordinary. Jasper had teased Alice unmercifully, asking why she didn't just send Aro a copy of the staged one, so as to get the preliminaries of starting a war out of the way. She scoffed, telling him that she wasn't born yesterday; hence why the reservations had been in one of our aliases, and we had traveled all the way to Los Angeles.

In the end, the look on Esme's face as she opened the book was worth every effort we had put into it. She was horrified. Alice's giggles were heard first, but the whole family quickly joined her.

Jacob was laughing so hard that he leaned his head back on the back of the sofa and began to wipe the tears away with one hand, while he held his stomach with the other. Henry began to bounce up and down from his seated position at our feet, his baby laughter cackling throughout the room. I had the distinct pleasure of reaching over to close her mouth, as she gasped in dismay. I surmised that, if we could produce tears, she would have been crying at what she saw.

She strangled out, "Alice and Rose, I'm going to have Carlisle disown you right this minute. He can deal with Bella when she gets back. I've so longed for a family shot, and this is what you present me?"

Her body was trembling in her outrage, which, of course, sent Jasper and Emmett into deeper guffaws. My beautiful bride responded with baleful looks of retribution for the room in general. Rosalie attempted to control her laughter as she punched Emmett in the side, warning him.

Esme started flipping through the small album, and each additional picture increased her fury. The girls had taken candid shots of the family, particularly the two grandchildren, and placed them in the book. Each picture had the addition of either fangs or droplets of blood on the clothes. Catch phrases such as "I vant to suck your blood" and "Look into my eyes" had been bubbled in through out. Jacob hadn't escaped the process, either. Several of the pictures included the addition of vampire features to his countenance. I looked at him in one shot and laughed.

"Jacob, you look pretty good as a vampire. You remind me of George Hamilton with all that dark skin, eyes, and hair," I said, earning another round of laughter from the crew.

I reached over and took Bella, Rose, and Alice's product of comedic ingenuity out of Esme's hands before it met destruction. They had spent many hours putting the book together. She would be happy tonight when she received the real picture from me. Hopefully then she would be able to appreciate the brag book. Until then, however, I was going to insure its longevity.

Her hands continued to shake slightly as she reached down to receive the next gift that Nessie handed up to her. I was glad it wasn't my gift, because I knew I was going to be in deep with that one.

Nessie looked up at her and said, "You might want to use my and Jacob's gift now."

Esme tore through the brown paper bag to pull out a long wooden paddle. The words Attitude Adjuster were written in bold, black letters down the middle. A hole had been bored through the wooden handle, and a leather string strung through it to allow the item to be conveniently hung.

Esme grinned down at the gift with speculation. She looked up at Alice and Rose with a gleefully sadistic smirk on her face, and the room exploded in motion. My two daughters darted for cover, running in different directions. Esme had snatched Henry up in one arm while wielding the paddle in the other. She leapt after them; hot on Alice's trail.

Jacob and Nessie looked at me for explanation, a little dumbfounded at what they had just witnessed. I looked to each one of them before explaining, having to speak over Emmett and Jasper hysterical laughter and gasped breathing.

"Esme received something similar a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, the boys decided to have a disagreement over one of the gifts shortly afterward, and Esme took matters into her own hands. She broke the thing over Emmett's head. He swore for weeks that he was sore. I don't think that something as soft as wood could've done anything to that hard head of his, but they did listen to her more afterward. Well, at least for awhile," I amended.

"I swear to you, I really was," Emmett was able to rasp out through his laughter.

"Darn," Jacob swore, and then grumbled something slightly.

When I looked to him in question, he answered, "I was hoping you were going to say she broke it over Edward's head."

Nessie and I both had a laugh over Jacob's words. We heard the sound of contact between two hard surfaces from outside, and we heard Alice squeal, "OWW!" before hearing Esme's laughter. Minutes later, Alice came in rubbing her behind.

"Did she actually smack you with the thing?" I asked incredulously.

"No, she used her hand," Alice pouted. "She obviously grabbed Henry up so I couldn't see her plan," she spat. She sounded so disgruntled that it was hard to keep from laughing.

We all turned at the sound of Rose's voice from the top of the stairs. "Has she calmed down yet?" she whispered, peering around the frame of the door.

Then her face took on a pained look as she stumbled slightly sideways, revealing Esme's hand holding on to her ear. She dragged Rose down the stairs as Henry smiled at his mother from Esme's hip. The "Attitude Adjuster" swung from her wrist. She twisted Rose's ear slightly before pushing her back beside Emmett.

"Jacob, Nessie, thank you so much for this gift. It's very… empowering. Jacob, perhaps you would be so kind to put up a hook in the kitchen. That should be a convenient place should I need further encouragement," she murmured, in a delightfully wicked voice.

Jacob stared at my wife with a new appreciation on his face as he said, "Your wish is my command." He turned and grinned at the two disgruntled couples glaring at him from across the sitting area.

"Don't believe for a second she won't use it on you, mutt. You're as much her child now as us," Rose threatened in a delighted voice. Edward was a thousand miles away, but you didn't need a mind reader to know Rose was calculating ways in which she could get Jacob in trouble with his new mother.

As Esme reached down to Nessie, I was again praying that she didn't get my present next. My spur of the moment buy now seemed less and less like a good idea. I said a word of thanks as Nessie picked up what was obviously Emmett's gift, as it was wrapped in a Newton Outfitter's bag.

Esme untied the top of the bag and pulled out a referee shirt, and reaching in again, the matching pants and cap. He had added a C at the breast pocket of the shirt and on the cap, but what caused the group to stare in fascination was what was printed on the back. It stated simply, "Vampire." When Nessie looked up to see Esme's consternation, she took the bag out of her hands and shook it; having obviously felt more weight when she handed it over.

A smaller package fell out into the floor. She handed it back up to Esme. Tearing into the wrapping Esme found the letter "U" on a piece of black and white fabric with velcro on the back, and a sterling silver whistle. The whistle was from Tiffany and Company. I laughed internally, knowing that either Rose or Alice must have helped him to pick this out. Emmett wouldn't have stepped a foot in Tiffany's or visited their website without his sister's or wife's influence. I was as confused by the letter as anyone else.

Emmett rolled his eyes and snorted, sensing our confusion. We heard him mumble, "…and they think I'm the dense one." He stood and took the shirt and the letter out of Esme's fingers. He seemed to be pressing on the back of the shirt, and then he turned it back around to display the word "Umpire" instead. The "U" had covered the "Va" on the back.

He grinned at Esme. "Just trying to stretch your horizons, mom. Umpire, if you just want to be safe. Vampire, if you want to remind us. But I think we've gotten the picture … well at least some of us," he said, as his face stretched into a broad grin as he briefly glanced at his sister and wife.

Esme grinned, delighted at Emmett's gift. She threw the jersey around her shoulders, but not before removing the "U" again so that the shirt again indicated "Vampire."

Emmett laughed and stated, "We've been forewarned." Then, as he looked back to his wife and sister, he added, "Don't you wish she would've chosen mine first? At least you would've had better warning."

He chuckled at the sour looks on Rose and Alice's faces, when Esme placed the whistle in her mouth and blew. The sound was excruciating to everyone in the room other than Nessie, Henry, and Jacob. The room came to a stand still as everyone, including Esme, covered their ears in pain. The particular timbre of this whistle definitely hit a harmonic that we hadn't experienced before.

Jacob took in our reactions and began to laugh in delight. "You've got to be kidding me. A vampire whistle! This is great news." He jumped up almost quicker than I could follow and grabbed the whistle from where it had fallen in Esme's lap. When Alice went toward him to retrieve the torture device, he placed the whistle between his lips and grinned as he took a deep, audible breath. Alice froze in her footsteps.

"Uh, uh, uh. Don't come any closer. I sure would hate to have to use this thing –" then he cut a glance at Nessie sitting in the floor "- well, that's not really true, I would love to use it. Nessie, we need to order several of these. I'm not sure what they cost, but it will be worth it."

She shook her head in agreement, as she grinned looking to us with raise eyebrows. The little traitor … we were her family. Blood – well venom – should run thicker than young love. She continued to grin mischievously as she reached her hand out to Jacob for the whistle. We all watched it change hands, grateful for her intervention. Nessie handed it back to Esme and I expected the gift to be crushed by her fingers. I was surprised when she put it around her neck.

She looked over to me. "No Pain, No Gain. Really, what's a little pain when it'll bring such wonderful results? I imagine my furniture will become a little more sacred around here from now on."

That was fine by me as long as I was at least ten miles away from the house.

Henry picked up another package that looked like a book wrapped in newspaper. Jasper spoke softly from beside Alice. "Esme, that one's from me."

She tore through the paper and revealed "The Dracula Cookbook of Blood."

"Since you've decided to start cooking for Jake and Seth, I figured you might enjoy attempting something you could eat, too," he said. Then he began quoting from what was obviously an internet description of the book.

"The recipes are from around the world. This book relates the history of blood cooking, along with nutritional and safe cooking procedures, as well as where you can always count on buying blood. It even tells how to take out bloodstains."

Emmett interrupted, saying, "Well, that should help Bella; she still comes home a little disheveled."

Jasper ignored him, as the others snickered, and continued on in a very intentional monotonous tone, "A bundle of very obscure Vampire lore is interspersed with the recipes. One example is a Hungarian Farkaskoldus; a Vampire who, when dying, takes on the aspect of a werewolf."

Emmett smirked across the room at Jacob, "And what's the Hungarian word for a werewolf who secretly wishes he was a vampire?"

Jacob scoffed in response, "You're just trying to distract me from the fact that some vampires are actually willing to admit werewolves are cooler than they are, even if it is on their death bed."

Emmett threw a pillow at Jacob from across the room, hitting him in the head. Esme even cracked a smile at Jacob's comeback.

"A book about blood and vampire history. What more could you want, Esme?" Jasper spoke through Jacob and Emmett's bickering.

I held my hand out to Esme and she placed the book in my hand. I turned to the index, faking interest. "Blood pudding … hmmm … want me to pick you a little O positive at work, honey?"

I received a quick poke in the ribs for the comment. But she turned to me and smiled. "Only if I can make you eat some of it. Would that sully his record, do you think?" she asked turning to the group.

"No, but it would be nothing less than disgusting," Rose's mouth puckered up as if she had taken a bite out of Jacob.

"Well, just to be sure, maybe we need to just stick with a few of the ones involving bats then," I stated, as I ran my finger down the list of recipes, attempting to keep a straight face.

Esme actually giggled at my side as she peered at some of the titles and indications of folklore.

Henry patted an extremely large, very awkwardly wrapped present sitting to the right of my bag, clearly indicating his choice. Nessie went to pick it up, and then commented on its weight.

"It's from Daddy, and its heavy," she stated setting it in front of Esme.

It had angles and bumps across the whole periphery. Esme tore through the top section of paper and shrieked. Staring back at her was the ugliest ceramic gnome I had ever seen. The face, which peered out from under a cap, contained a huge nose and a profusion of wrinkles. As Esme stared at the atrocity, I heard her mumbling Edward's name along with a few obscenities. It was hideous. I couldn't imagine it sitting in Esme's pristine flower garden.

I saw all the kids smiling, and knew that they had been in on Edward's gift. Curious about the rest of the figure, I reached over and continued to rip the paper away from the present and uncovered that it had a sign between its hands. Edward had obviously painted over the original wording, and instead written "The World's Best Mother Lives Here."

Each of the kids and grandchildren had put their handprints on the edges of the sign. Each handprint was a different color; creating a kaleidoscope of hues. In each of the fingers and across the palms of the hands were words written in black script. Each of the kids had chosen expressions that had special meaning for them regarding Esme.

For instance, one of Jasper's read "Salvation." Alice choices included "Serenity." Rose had scribed "Patience" in bold flourish. "Inspiration" was written across Edward's palm. Henry's small hand held the simple, solitary word "Mine." I knew that Edward had helped him to pick out the right one, most likely during his artistic renovation of the statue.

I saw Esme trace Emmett's "Forgiveness" with her fingertip. Nessie included "Comfort" in her choices. Jacob had placed "Acceptance" in the middle of his broad hand. And looking at the last hand, I realized that Bella had decided on "Love" as her central theme.

It had been sealed to protect the handprints and the writing. It was an amazingly convoluted and cleverly crafted gift. In order for Esme to view the sign she so obviously desired, she would have to put up with the gnome. Edward had put her into a quandary.

She hissed loudly at her predicament, and I believe I heard even more curses connected with Edward's name. She traced the sign over and over with her fingers in contemplation. Then, amazingly, she turned back to the gnome in assessment. She loved the sign too much to give up on the gift. I wondered what make over she would perform on his homely face. She was stuck and we all knew it. Not one of the group dared to laugh; we all valued our existence too much.

The last present lay on the floor and it was my moment of truth. I figured she was going to kill me, but I might get lucky and she would see the humor in it. Alice grinned at me, knowing what I had bought. Jasper grinned even bigger, sensing my unease. Esme reached down to grab the bag from Nessie. It was one that the hospital gives out for patients to carry their personal items home after a hospital stay.

She looked at me and smiled sweetly. "Yours, dear?"

When she saw my uncomfortable look, she quirked her eyebrow at me in question. I responded, "Alice and Rose convinced me of it at the time, but I'm not so sure now."

Alice and Rose started making chicken sounds from across the room, and I shot them the best father glare I could produce. They, of course, burst out laughing, slouching onto their mates while everyone else looked on puzzled.

Clearly intrigued, Esme untied the string and reached inside. She pulled out a nurse Halloween costume. It came complete with a small nursing cap. But this was a costume seemingly built entirely from my Esme fantasies. The front came down into a deep cut, and a zipper continued all the way down to where the material would barely cover her bottom. A big, bold red cross was placed just above the right breast, and on the cap. Thigh high stockings, bright red high heels, and a stethoscope finished off the outfit.

Esme had forever teased me about the effect I had on the nurses at the various hospitals I had worked at over the years. She had even had Edward tell her a few of their thoughts. One particular incident ended up with me having to restrain her in regards to one particularly attentive ER nurse. I always assured Esme that she was the only woman for me. She didn't doubt it, but I had conceived the idea of this gift as a subtle challenge to her.

Looking at the shock on her face, I knew I had scored - or lost; whichever way you wanted to view it. There was no question that she was going to get me back in some way, shape or form. I had seen Esme as a human several years before she returned to me a broken woman. I knew of her attraction to me, in that her heart raced whenever I entered the room. But I would never forget the look of her face when she blushed; it was a telltale sign. Edward and I had that fascination in common. Esme would be blushing furiously right now - if she were capable. She turned her beautiful face and looked at me in astonishment as our children fell apart around us.

Emmett stared in shock before uttering, "Damn."

Then he cleared his throat and turned to Alice, the rule keeper. Although his eyes glinted merrily, his expression was thoughtful and his voice speculative. "Does the gift count if it only gets used once, and for less than three seconds?" he asked.

Jasper emitted a strangled, choking snort. I looked over to see him holding on to his sides, trying desperately to contain himself as he absorbed the powerful waves of humor ricocheting around the room. I suspected he might have fallen to the floor if Alice hadn't been there to hold on to him. He continued to gasp for breath as he slapped his knee. Rose and Alice sat basking in the glory of their recommendation. Jacob was attempting to hold it together, in obvious fear that Esme would take the Attitude Adjuster to him.

"I believe we'll all have to spend this evening out of the house. It's going to be entirely too noisy around here for _decent_ people," Emmett said, his voice laden with sarcasm.

"I agree," Jasper added, clearly enjoying Esme's mortified expression. "It looks like Dr. Cullen is bringing his work home with him."

Rose punched Emmett in the arm, and Alice slapped her hand across Jasper's mouth. Glaring at their mates, they simultaneously jerked their heads in the general direction of Nessie and Henry.

My grandchildren surveyed the scene as if the adults around them had gone rabid. Nessie finally looked over at Henry with a knowing expression on he face. The picture of an artless, innocent child, she rolled her eyes and said, "They're talking about sex."

______________

_**All credit goes to my two totally awesome Betas:**_

_**CullenFest - for her patience with me and my anxiety about writing.**_

_**Crmcneill - for his mighty red pen, and help in mapping out strategy.**_

_**For those that sent hate mail - Alice and Jasper's gifts are now up on my profile. I apologize. I can only post a few of Esme's gifts - unless some of you have connections with the cast of Twilight and would like to get them to pose for a picture for me?!?!?!**_


	8. Carlisle

Carlisle POV

_My grandchildren surveyed the scene as if the adults around them had gone rabid. Nessie finally looked over at Henry with a knowing expression on her face. The picture of an artless, innocent child, she rolled her eyes and said, "They're talking about sex."_

Jacob roared in protest at Nessie's observation, coming off the couch to grab her in his arms. He placed his hand across her mouth, effectively cutting off any further comments, but Nessie's laughing face was apparent through his hand. Alice and Jasper began giggling at Jake's discomfort as he glared around the room looking to find someone to blame. True to form, Emmett provoked the situation further by saying, "They're in Chicago, so you'll have to wait to take it up with them when they get back."

Esme even let a chuckle escape as she snuggled into my side. I was still waiting in trepidation for her response to my present. She slanted her eyes at me, and carefully tucked the present to her side. Her actions were making me increasingly nervous, but I wasn't given much time to think about the situation.

Esme reached down and grabbed my first present; a prescription bag from the local pharmacy. I saw where the white receipts had been stapled to the bag, but removed leaving the staple intact. I wondered when was the last time Bella had been to the doctor, and what she would have gotten me that she felt the need to put it into an old prescription bag. I was figuring this for her present, as she would be the only one of the group that would have had need of medicine in the past several decades.

Tearing the bag open, I dumped the contents into my lap. It was a prescription bottle, filled with several dozen little blue triangular pills. I blinked twice; not believing my eyes, even knowing my vision was perfect. It was Viagra. The prescription was written out to Carlisle Cullen, "Take as needed." I was absolutely mortified, trying to picture Bella putting this together without dying from embarrassment. I heard the kids stirring in curiosity to see what I held in my hands. Esme began to spasm with laughter.

The discomfiture escalated as I read, "Contact emergency services if condition lasts more than 4 days." The "hours" that would have normally appeared after the number "4" had been whited out and replaced with the word "days." It was then that I realized who the culprit behind the gift was. I knew that handwriting. My gaze flew up to Emmett's face as he was attempting to hold the laughter in. "Whose house did you steal this from Emmett?" I forced through my clenched teeth.

"No one's," he challenged.

I raised my eyebrows at him, and the group around us exploded in laughter as Esme whispered "Viagra" to them. I looked at her in astonishment, and she raised her eyebrows, subtly challenging me. I had been a participant in her horror picture, and the fantasy outfit. She wasn't about to make this easy on me.

"Emmett Cullen, this is a controlled prescription. You could get us all in a lot of trouble if you were caught with it," I reprimanded.

Emmett scoffed at the idea of getting caught. "I didn't steal anything, Carlisle. I went to see Dr. Gerandy. I explained about your little problem, and the fact that you were too full of pride in your youthful stamina to ask for help. I explained that our family was desperate; that we feared a breakup of the marriage if something didn't change. I broke down sobbing, explaining that this was the fifteenth foster home I had been in - that I couldn't take much more. That you and Esme made me happy and that I couldn't lose you. He wrote the prescription out, mumbling about the possibility of losing his license for prescribing something to a patient he hadn't seen. But he couldn't refuse this face," he concluded, posing in his infamous sad-little-boy look.

My hands trembled as I held the bottle in my hands. My voice came out in a mere whisper, "Where did you get these filled?"

"In town. Why?" he grinned.

Esme was holding her breath, attempting to contain her laughter as I vacillated between acute embarrassment and enraged insanity. If the prescription had been filled here, it wouldn't take a day for the gossip to be all over town. Then I looked at the bottle again, and realized that the pharmacy in question was located in Seattle. Emmett started bellowing out his laughter when he heard me release my breath in relief.

"I've never seen whether or not that particular appendage reattaches, Esme. I wonder what would happen to the vampire who lost it accidentally to a fire. I've never heard of anything growing back," I whispered. She immediately took her hand away from her mouth, and her pealing laughter rang out through the room. She was laughing so hard the she actually started snorting.

Nessie had left Jacob's arms to come over and sit at my feet. She had most likely been concerned about my too quiet voice but, when she saw Esme's reaction, a breathtaking grin split her face. Henry had crawled over as well and was staring up at me with his blue eyes. He beamed at me when I finally shook off the numb feeling. Emmett continued to laugh uncontrollably across the room, and Jacob's deep baritone laughter had joined in. I sent Jacob a stern look; letting him know what I thought of his traitorous ways.

I reached my hand down to Henry; letting him select my next gift. He handed me what was obviously a book wrapped in newspaper, and Nessie's excited smile told me that this was her and Jacob's gift. Tearing through the newspaper, I uncovered an almost new looking Dog Anatomy "Coloring Book." It was clearly a veterinary book, but one designed as an instructional aid. The description on the back cover indicated, "Helpful do-it-yourself coloring format maximizes comprehension and retention." I flipped to the middle of the book and found an intriguing layout of the internal anatomy of a German shepherd.

Jacob interrupted my browsing by saying, "Nessie and I figured that Henry could help you color in the lines, and in the process you might learn something useful. Originally, we had gotten the two of you the Attitude Adjuster together, but we found this at the book sale. I realized that it is hard to teach an old vampire new tricks, but maybe the coloring exercise will help your retention."

I heard Alice's tinkling laughter rise about everyone else's, and I was shocked to hear her say, "I'm really enjoying not having to worry anymore about laughing. Maybe next year we will have to let certain rules slide so that we can do this more often."

I continued looking through the book, thrilled about some of the stuff I saw. I would actually be able to use some of this knowledge in the unfortunate event I ever had to deal with any injury to the wolves again. I stopped at one page, and looked up at Jacob.

"The details in this book are amazing. Truly, I may able to use some of this later. For instance, this particular dog is so similar to your structure as a wolf that it is amazing, Jacob," I said, as I turned the book around for the rest of the family to see.

Rosalie punched Jacob in the arm, in her glee, "Hey, look; a little SHIT-zu." She continued, adding with just the right amount of innocence, "Do you think we might possibly consider getting an Irish Wolfhound for around the house, Carlisle?"

Jacob curled his lip back in a snarl, and Jasper snickered at his reaction.

"Good, so when you get me that Jack Russell you promised, I won't have to take it to the vet. That should eliminate some of the excuses about the cost," Nessie added, smiling at Jacob in response to my comment. Rose threw a pillow from across the room, knocking the laughing Nessie in the back of the head.

Henry had been picking up several of the presents and shaking them, obviously in an attempt to see what was inside. He handed me a small rectangular package that had a note attached. I read out loud.

_Dear Carlisle,_

_Since I've recently taken up new pursuits and responsibilities, I expect you will miss our frequent debates on religion and philosophy. I hope that, in lieu of my company, these gifts will sate your interest. And don't forget to "always look on the bright side of life!"_

_Love, Edward_

"Wow. I never thought of it that way," said Emmett mischievously. "If you'd like, I can see if we can get those Jehovah's Witnesses to come back again." The rest of the family snickered, while Jake looked back and forth between Emmett and I quizzically.

"I wouldn't be surprised if they went into Witness Protection after what you pulled," I rejoined. Seeing Jake's confusion, I explained. "Just after we moved to Forks, Alice had a vision that some Jehovah's Witnesses would be visiting the house one day while I was at the hospital and Esme was running errands. Emmett got Alice and Edward to keep it quiet, so Esme and I had no idea what was going on."

"An hour or so before they were supposed to arrive, Emmett put on a hockey mask and coveralls and went out hunting. He caught a deer and killed it but, instead of drinking the blood, he proceeded to chop it to pieces with a chainsaw, so the outfit he was wearing was covered in blood spatter and gore. When our guests arrived, he answered the door in that outfit with the chainsaw idling in his hand, then, nice as you please, invited them in for a snack, just so long as they didn't ask what it was. On top of that, Jasper was hiding out of sight, amplifying their fear and nervousness."

"The end result was that those two couldn't get out of here fast enough, and they ended up reporting us to the Sheriff. After Esme and I had come home, a few deputies came out to check on us. We had no idea what was going on because Emmett had cleaned up all the evidence, so you can imagine the awkward conversation we had. We smoothed everything over, but for obvious reasons, the Jehovah's Witnesses don't come to our house anymore."

By now, the snickering had become open laughter, while Emmett grinned triumphantly.

Esme frowned at Emmett, no doubt remembering her mortification when she found out how the uninvited guests had been greeted at her home.

Unabashed, Emmett looked back at her with feigned innocence. "What? I invited them in for some refreshments, but they were quite positive that they couldn't stay."

I shook my head. I might not agree with the philosophy of the Jehovah's Witnesses, but I always tried to treat them with respect. Emmett, the incorrigible prankster, had no such compunctions.

"The incident with the Southern Baptists and the rattlesnakes was a close second to that one, and only by a slight margin," Alice giggled as Jasper shook his head, agreeing with her. By now, Jacob was laughing uproariously.

Returning to Edward's gift, I ripped open the package to find two DVDs: Monty Python's The Life of Brian, and The Meaning of Life. Irreverent child - only Edward's black sense of humor would have thought of these. The Life of Brian poked fun not at the Christian Messiah, but at the artificial and sanctimonious religiosity surrounding him - much of it directly contradictory to the messages he preached. The Meaning of Life, in turn, mocked the various seasons of human life, from birth to death and everything in between.

Before Bella appeared and totally changed his life, only Edward, of all our children, had the time available to ponder and discuss religion and philosophy at my level. Now that I thought about it, watching these again would almost be like having a conversation with him. I couldn't help but laugh at the ingenuity of the gifts.

"_Hello. Can we have your liver?" _Rosalie intoned in a perfect English accent.

"_Listen! I can't give it to you now. It says, 'in the event of death'_." Emmett quoted and then added, "Oh wait - I guess then we all qualify except for Jacob, Nessie, and Henry." The group erupted, and I knew that they would continue with their perfect recall.

Jasper roared out a laugh, "I think Life of Brian fits Carlisle the most. _You don't NEED to follow me, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for yourselves! You're all individuals." _

Jacob chimed in with a heavily accented voice, _"Vee are ze Judean People's Front kwack suicide squad. Suicide Squaaaad, Attack!_" Then he pantomimed stabbing himself in the chest.

Alice, of course, quoted her favorite line, "_One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Bloody do-gooder."_

I glowered at each of my children in turn, attempting to reprimand them for their disrespectful additions. It was futile; they grinned back at me in impish humor. As I tried to intimidate my offspring, Henry was dragging a large gift bag toward me by the handles, and I reached down to help him. He grinned, patting the bag.

"That is from Henry and me," Rose added, confirming what I had deduced from Henry's actions.

Inside the bag were several individually wrapped gifts. As I reached down to get the first floppy package, Rose got up and walked around the corner into the kitchen. As I tore into the package, finding a floppy fishing hat, Rose leaned two fishing poles up against my chair, opposite of the side where Esme leaned. I glared up at Rose, and she gave me a dainty smile as Henry began bouncing up and down in excitement. I hated fishing. The smell was horrible and the feel of the fish …ugh, revolting and slimy. It was the main reason I had never attempted to utilize the hobby to bond with Charlie; I could be self-sacrificing, but fishing was just shy of martyrdom in my book. Rose knew, however, that I would do anything for Henry or Nessie.

"There's more," Rose giggled, "I realized that we hadn't bought you any appropriate 'Grandfatherly' type things."

As I unwrapped the presents, I found an assortment of gifts: A license plate ring for the Mercedes that read "I'm out spending my grandkids inheritance," a handicapped parking placard, and an outfit that consisted of a hideous Hawaiian print shirt, dark shorts, dark socks, and slip-ons to wear with them. In this outfit, I would look like the epitome of a retired grandfather enjoying his pursuits. She had also included an envelope that contained a reservation for Esme and I to attend one of those time-share conferences in sunny Florida.

"Henry helped pick out the outfit, Dad," Rose said, as Alice stared in horrified pleasure.

Henry squealed in glee and grabbed one of the fishing poles, pulling it to his side. As he pulled the one toward him, the other slapped me in the side of the head. I groaned, to everyone's delight, as the look in Henry's eyes guaranteed many long mornings of smelly displeasure.

I whispered lowly to Esme, "Maybe I can convince Charlie to take him." She shook her head side to side, warning me.

Henry grabbed my leg, having overhead me. He used my leg as an anchor to pull himself to a standing position. "No, damn it, I want _you_ to take me," he stated, pointing emphatically at me.

Everybody in the room froze. Just like Nessie, Henry had progressed in a moment from baby noises to his first complete sentence. It didn't escape anyone's attention that his first sentence also contained a curse word. As I stared in shock at his assertive expression, the room exploded around me. Rosalie leapt over several bodies as she pounced on Emmett. She pinned him to his chair with one hand and mercilessly pummeled him about the head and shoulders.

"Rosie, I'm sorry. I tried to keep from saying things like that in front of him," Emmett pleaded, but he was distracted from further conversation by the urgent need to protect himself.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN," she roared, as she continue to beat him, "I will never forgive you that my baby used a swear word the first time he spoke."

Emmett was all on his own. Jacob and Jasper were laughing too hard to intervene, and Alice was in danger of falling out of Jasper's lap in the throes of her own mirth. I started to rise, but Henry continued to glare at me, silently demanding my acceptance of his request. He was less concerned about his father than wrangling a promise out of me. I lay my head against the back of the chair for a brief second, in resignation, before looking at him and saying, "Okay, Henry, I promise."

Before I could lift Esme off my lap and go over to intervene between Rose and Emmett, Henry turned to his parents.

"Mama…"

It was the first time he had said that word aloud, and Rose froze in place. It was quite comical. Her fist halted in mid-swing, and she turned to Henry with a love struck look on her face. After a split second, she loosened her hold on Emmett's jacket and straightened up, coming over to lift Henry into her arms.

"Don't blame Daddy, he can't help himself. I hear more than people think I do."

Rose was still glaring daggers at Emmett, but her anger was swiftly abating. She had the audacity to giggle as she handed me the next gift. "Bella asked that you open hers with mine, since they both relate to the grandchildren."

At least it was a book. How much damage could be done with that? I unwrapped the paper and found the child's flip card book "No Biting" by Karen Katz. The back cover displayed the summary, "How to teach your babies not to bite." I opened the front cover to see the first cardboard page. It had the adult looking at the baby and speaking softly, "What can you bite?" A note had fallen out when I opened it.

_Carlisle,_

_Since this family seems to have problems with this particular issue, I thought you might want to start early with Nessie and Henry. Good luck!_

_Love, Bella_

Esme took the note out of my hands and read it to the others.

"Well, at least it isn't a book about having a biting fetish," Emmett joked, cutting his eyes toward Rose, "I sure would hate to have to go to Dr. Gerandy for a treatment for that, too." I growled at his reminder.

"I'll show you a biting fetish, you oaf," Rose grumbled at her husband, still not ready to let Henry's first swear word slide so easily.

"Well he did stop at four, so I'm not sure that would technically qualify as a fetish," Jasper joked, as he handed me the next gift.

I held the poster container in my hand as the family continued to banter around the topic.

"He did choose equally between males and females, so its not like he's gender selective," Alice noted, pretending to ponder the subject in an introspective manner.

I opened the end of the container and spun the cap at her. She caught it in midair just before it would have hit her head, and I grinned as she began to laugh.

"Had I known the trouble I was getting myself into, I might have stopped way before four," I swore back at the family.

I reached in and pulled the rolled paper out of the container. It was a poster similar in size to the Eye Chart that Edward had done for Alice. It was one that doctor's offices generally utilize to educate individuals about Blood Typing and the Rh factors. Jasper, however, had provided his own clever spin.

Under the type A column, he had placed a picture of Edward's face. Just above the large A he had written in small script "Type" and below the A was "personality." Below the picture of the blood cell, where the remarks about the blood type's characteristics generally were found, he had written in several comments. "High Stress," "High Maintenance," "Whiny," "Needy."

Under the type B column, he had placed the same changes to the heading, but had placed a picture of Esme. Her comments included: "Easy Going," "Sweet," "Patient," "Low Maintenance."

The AB section came next and Emmett's smiling mug stared out at me. "Gets along with everyone," "Mixes well," "Will donate to anyone," were a few of the things listed.

The final column was the O section. Jasper had placed the words, "The Big" above the O and Rose's smiling face in the picture area. He had put comments such as "Dishes out to everyone," "Picky about what she receives," and "Unlikely to find someone suitable for compatibility."

Jasper had taken true characteristics of the human blood types and matched them to his siblings and mother. I wondered however why he hadn't chosen to use Alice in one of the areas, as she would have fit several. When I asked the question, I was floored by my lack of understanding.

"Ah, Carlisle, this is about the four human types _you've_ tasted."

I started laughing, along with the rest. "This is very clever, Jasper. It's a shame I can't keep it at the office. The humor is great, although I'm sure Edward is going to be insulted."

"Like I noted on the poster - typical type-A personality," he responded.

Alice was helping Nessie to pick up a fairly long, flat box, as the laughter continued.

"Be careful, Carlisle, it's breakable," she said as she sat it on my and Esme's laps. I opened the end and saw what looked to be neon glass. Carefully reaching in, I felt the structure supporting the glass and used it to pull the item out of the box. It was a neon Vacancy/No Vacancy sign.

Esme and I both looked over to her in confusion, but I could see that everyone else was able to decipher the connotation, as they were collectively gasping.

"I found it at the motel on the way out of town. They had it in their window, but they were throwing it away because the switch is broken. It only reads No Vacancy," she said.

Maybe I was beginning to see the effects of my over 350 years, because I still stared at the sign in puzzlement.

"I don't want to come home one day like Edward did and find all my stuff moved out of my room. With the rate we're adopting strays around here, I think that might be a possibility. I'm proposing that we put that up in our front window to warn others away," she said, projecting a serious tone with her voice.

Jasper burst out in fits of laughter at the look on my face, and Alice's. "Your….You…You're the one who threw the poor guy out…saying you liked his room better. No more strays…ha…you tried to drag Bella home the very first day."

His words and laughter continued to come in fits as Alice finally lost her control and began to grin at us.

Jacob joined her. "Seth's already commandeered Edward's old room. I think he has more clothes in there now than Edward does. Maybe I should take over your and Jasper's room - its not like you need it to sleep in."

Alice let out an unladylike snarl at him. Jacob shrugged his shoulders, indicating just how unaffected he was by her threat.

As they continued to bicker, I realized that Esme's present was the last one on the floor. It was a small package wrapped in cloth, and tied off with bow. Nessie handed it to me and I noted it had to be clothing of some kind. I pulled the ribbon to undo the bow and saw a pair of scrub pants on top. I was again confused by the gift, until I lifted the pants and saw the shirt. Above the pocket on the chest was embroidered, "Dr. McDreamy."

Esme snatched it up out of my lap and held it up for the group to see. My children had no shame. They all burst out in laughter at Esme's reminder of my nickname at the hospital, compliments of a television show many of the nurses watched. She looked over to Alice and Rose, who had obviously been in on both of our gifts and grinned. The girls were looking like cats that had caught the proverbial canaries.

Emmett bellowed out, "See, Rose, I told you you're never too old to play doctor," before he was buried under a barrage of thrown pillows.

_________________

As Alice and I walked up the stairs together, I was still laughing at the expressions on Emmett's face when he received his gifts. Jasper had gone up just a few minutes before us. I was going to put my and Esme's gifts in our room.

The girls had informed me that the kids were all leaving for the evening, letting me know none too subtly that Esme and I would have the house to ourselves. Jacob was taking Nessie and Henry back to spend the night with him and Billy.

I heard Esme step into the room behind me as I placed the picture of the family and the brag book on our high boy. Her arms wrapped around my waist as she placed her cheek against my back. "I had an amazing time this evening. I hate that Edward and Bella had to miss it, but I'm guessing they're having a wonderful time in Chicago," she said, in her softly musical voice.

I turned so that she was now pressed against my front, wrapping my arms around her.

"It is amazing to see the difference in our family since just this time last year. Edward and Bella are together, forever. We have Nessie and Henry, and I've never seen Rose this happy," she said, softly nuzzling her face into my chest.

She let go of my waist, leaning back to look up into my eyes; her's flashing amber in the soft lighting of our room. "In fact, Carlisle, I would have never dreamed that _I_ could be this happy. Our family feels whole for the first time." She smiled, bringing her hand up to my face to cup my chin. She proceeded to run her fingertips up the line of my jaw and across my shoulders, trailing her fingertips down my arms. Small rumbles of pleasure broke from my chest.

I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, marveling in the powerful feelings she continually evoked within me. She stood on tiptoe to give me closer access to her mouth, but I gently lifted her to bring her solidly to me. The intermingling of our breath between our opened mouths washed over my senses. She pulled back, looking at me with adoration.

"Before I get too distracted, I'd like to give you my present," she said, gently tapping on my arms. I grinned and released her back to the ground, albeit reluctantly. As she was walking over to the closet, we heard Jasper and Alice's laughter as they ran into the woods. She turned in the direction of the sound with a pleased look on her face. I turned to the nightstand and pulled out the two gifts that I had hidden there for her.

We met in the middle of our king sized bed. She looked quizzically at the gifts I placed before me. I was as intrigued by the large box that she had sat on the bed.

"Esme, before I give you my present, the family wanted to give you something from all of us," I said while reaching for the elaborately wrapped box.

"Carlisle, Esme, we're leaving now," Jacob's deep voice call from the garage area.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Emmett called out before starting up his Jeep.

We heard their combined laughter as they pulled down the driveway, and the garage door shut. Esme's eyes darkened considerably when the silence of the big house signified our solitude. Her fingers twitched above the bow on the package, as if in indecision as to where to go next, the present or me.

I leaned over, putting my lips as close to possible to her without actually touching. I used the tip of my tongue to outline her lips. She gasped, and leaned forward to deepen the connection.

I laughed, pulling back. "I don't want to get between you and your presents."

She looked at me, frustrated, and then smiled her siren smile. "You know, two can play that game."

"Please, don't. I'll be good for now," I groaned, realizing nothing would please me more than to put the gifts aside for the rest of the evening. I had promised Rose and Alice that the gifts would come first, and now I knew why Alice had laughed so much when I made the promise. She had clearly seen how distractible I would be at this moment. I had long since gotten past my embarrassment over what Alice saw with her little gift.

Esme untied the bow of the present and unwrapped the paper without moving her eyes from my face. When she felt the box under her fingertips, she finally looked down to remove the lid. Under several layers of tissue paper was a framed picture of the group of us, all together, in our formal attire. This was the picture that had been taken before Alice set up the staged shot. It looked like a fashion shoot with the perfected faces and bodies present, the formal black attire contrasting startlingly with our pale skin, Jacob looking debonair with his startlingly white smile. I saw Esme run her fingertips over the faces and was momentarily jealous of the glass that she caressed so lovingly.

She looked up to me. "This is exquisite. I …I don't know what to say," she murmured. She looked down again, but not before I notice the bright sheen to her eyes.

"Although they will moan and groan about it, we actually have another appointment scheduled, but this time with you. They want to get a picture made for Christmas, with all of us together. Alice already has it scheduled for just after Thanksgiving. Henry and Nessie will be too different to go back to the same person, so she has it set up in Seattle with someone she located there."

Esme glanced back up to me, and her lips trembled with emotion. "Our family, Carlisle. Look at our family."

I let her linger in the moment, wondering for a brief second what it would be like to have Edward's gift. To be able to see into the incredible mind in front of me. She shared herself so fully with me that I couldn't imagine knowing her any more intimately. But there was always that small feminine piece of her that was so elusive. Anyone else would have grown bored looking at the picture in front her, but not Esme. It was as if the picture truly contained her whole world, instead of just being a representation of it.

She gently placed the picture down on the table beside her, brushing her hand over it again as she did. When she looked up, I was holding a small rectangular box in my hand just in front of her. She smiled gently at me and took the box from my hand. I had asked Rose to wrap it for me, and she had an artistic flair for making even the simplest thing spectacular. Esme opened the box to find several pieces of folded over paper. Upon opening them, she realized that they were three airplane tickets to Chicago, one for each of us, and one for Nessie.

She raised her eyebrows in question, before saying, "Carlisle you know I would love to go to Chicago and spend time with Edward and Bella, but don't you think they will enjoy the time alone. Its not like they enjoyed a traditional human or vampire honeymoon period with Nessie coming so quickly. Shouldn't we give them some time alone before we take over the house?"

I smiled a very pleased smile before I lifted the rest of the tissue. On the bottom of the box was a solitary key and another piece of paper. She retrieved them from the box and slowly opened up the paper, quizzically. It took her only a few seconds to read all the fine print. And then she launched herself at me.

I was thrown onto my back from the force of her impact. Staring up into her elated eyes, I barely heard, "MY HOUSE!" before I was smothered by kisses and little girl squeals. Any other time, I would have been thrilled for Esme to tackle me in this manner, but I realized she was too excited about her gift to realize the effect her enthusiasm had on me.

"Carlisle, when…? How…?" she stuttered in her excitement, looking down at me.

"I got the call from the agent a month ago. The lady that lived in the house passed away and her kids weren't interested in keeping it. I'd already told him that it didn't matter about the cost, so he spoke to the family before it went on the market. Bella knows we're coming, but she's going to let us surprise Edward. I've already hired a crew to go clean up the yard and create a path between the two houses," I smiled, running my hands through her hair as she grinned down at me.

She must have seen the darkening of my eyes, and quickly jumped away.

"Not before you open your gift from me," she retorted.

I sat back up as Esme placed a large wrapped package in my lap. I could tell that it was a box, and it was definitely heavy. Tearing through the paper, I uncovered a Victorian Era Apothecary Medicine Chest. The wood was in immaculate condition, and as I ran my fingertips along the wood grain, I felt the soft luster of a well-loved piece of medicinal history. It was stunningly beautiful, and I laughed as I realized that I was probably displaying the same affection toward my box, that she had toward her picture.

She looked to me questioningly.

"I watched you looking at your picture, the way you handled it, and I just realized I was doing the same with my gift," I could tell she understood completely by the look on her face.

"That's not all. Look inside," she said, motioning with her hands.

I flipped the two locks and opened the chest to find a myriad of cobalt blue jars, a 18th Century Boxwood Pill Silverer, a Brunton silver plated Otoscope, and a brass Pill Press. Several of the blue jars contained ingredients. I opened them to smell, and the aroma of Foxglove, Hawthorne, and Chinese Sage Root mixed with the more familiar scents of our room.

"I couldn't find items that were true to the era of the box, so I looked for things I found interesting," Esme said.

"I assume that you choose these specific herbs for a purpose?" I asked, as I handled the items with reverence.

She smiled, "Carlisle Cullen, you are quite aware that they are things used to treat maladies of the heart." She laid her hand where my heart should be beating. "And we both know you were the ultimate cure for the affliction of mine."

She leaned forward over the box and gently feathered her lips against mine. Before I could even reach over to seal her body to mine, she flitted across the bed with a smile on her face. "I'm going to take a quick shower before we 'go to bed.' Henry and Nessie kept me busy outdoors today. I'll be back in a few minutes."

I heard the shower in our bathroom turn on, as I continued to marvel at the beautiful gift she had given me. Within just a few minutes, I heard the shower shut off, followed by the sounds of cloth on skin as she dried herself. And then the door opened. I looked up to ask her a question about where she had found the Otoscope, and I froze.

Esme stood in the doorway wearing the nurse outfit I had purchased her. I couldn't have taken my eyes off her if I wanted to. In a slow traverse, my gaze followed her figure down to the red high heels on her feet, then returned back up the white thigh high stockings, the tempting line of bare flesh between the stocking tops and the bottom of the dress that barely covered her hips, to the cleavage displayed by the low cut top, and finally to her beautiful, eternal face, with the bedroom eyes that she reserved just for me.

I didn't remember putting the chest down anywhere, so I was hoping it wasn't lying on the floor in a broken pile as I pressed her body against the doorframe. My hands shook as I battled for control, remembering Emmett's jibes about the glorious outfit not lasting longer than three seconds. Taking a few deep breaths, I slowly lowered the zipper, revealing inch after inch of creamy, perfect, bare skin. I chased the zipper with my questing lips on her body as Esme's victorious laugh echoed above me.

**An alternative scene for Emmett (after Edward's gift) was deleted, because I thought it might be a little too controversial - and hit several of the no-no's for the site. Leave a review if you would like to see it and I will forward it along.**

_**All credit goes to my two totally awesome Betas:**_

_**CullenFest - for her patience with me and my anxiety about writing.**_

_**Crmcneill - for his mighty red pen, and help in mapping out strategy.**_


	9. Rosalie

Emmett POV

Esme snatched the outfit out of Carlisle's lap and held it up for us to see. We all burst out in laughter when we saw Carlisle's nickname at the hospital stitched above the pocket. Dr. McDreamy. It was hilarious. The ER nurses had dubbed him that after a television show. Edward had shared with Jasper and I some of the fantasies they concocted. Needless to say we had enjoyed ribbing him with them. Esme would probably tear a few heads off is she knew about all the close encounters Carlisle had thwarted. I bellowed out, "See, Rose, I told you you're never too old to play doctor."

As a barrage of pillows landed on me, I realized that Rose hadn't even cracked a smile, obviously still in a snit about the cursing thing. Now that he had gone verbal on us, Henry and I needed to have a little talk. There were certain things that a father and son should keep secret between them. Heaven only knew how much Carlisle had helped me cover up.

It wasn't the first time I'd been in trouble with her, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. I knew from experience that our make up session would be more than worth it; I'd have her purring by the end. Jake had already offered to take on Henry tonight. I would make it worth his while, assuming the reservation was still standing come morning. Henry, the little con artist, was looking up at her adoringly with those blue eyes. He had Rose so whipped.

"Okay Henry, you're first," Alice giggled.

"No, Uncle Jasper and Uncle Edward always tell me that ladies go first, so Mama gets to open hers," Henry said with flawless sincerity. With a dazzling smile, Rose grabbed Henry and hugged him to her breast. I'm sure Carlisle would tease me about Freud if I told him that I almost got jealous of my son.

Still cradling our son against her, she reached down and picked up a small package. It had to be from either Edward or Bella, because it had a note attached. For a moment, I wondered if Edward was taking full advantage of the book Jake had bought for them. I made a mental note to call the hotel to inquire into any damages in the room. It would never go without saying that any ammunition I could get on him would be worth the effort.

She read the note aloud: _Rosalie, I apologize for our absence. I found this on-line and felt that you, and consequently the family, may benefit from its lessons. Love, Edward_

She tore the paper off to find a book titled: Cell Phone Etiquette: What to say and not say over the cell phone. By: Michelle Cimino

As she looked at the title in shock, I burst out laughing. Oh Hell yeah! My baby brother had grown some balls. I couldn't believe he had the audacity to tease her about that ill-fated call.

Henry reached up to take the book out of her hands, confused at what would cause Rose to become so still so quickly. As he opened the page an invoice sheet fell out. Jasper reached down to retrieve the paper, and glanced at it. He began snickering and said, "Hey, everyone, even better. The place he ordered it from: Bellaonline dot com."

Carlisle and Esme froze, obviously hoping to keep from setting Rose off, but it was obvious from their faces they were having a hard time containing their humor. I just enjoyed the moment as she continued to stare at the book (I knew I was in the doghouse already). Jacob and Nessie were looking at Rose with concern. I wondered what was going on in her head, and looked over at Jasper to see if he could interpret her emotions. He was smirking.

Finally, Rose twitched and broke out into a smile. "I wonder if they have a follow up book. Decision Making 101 - How to act instead of react? Steps for logical decision making."

Everyone else in the room relaxed once they realized that Rose was in a playful mood. That couldn't always be said for this game, as she had stormed off on several occasions. This should prove quite entertaining.

"Just change his ring tone from you, Rose. Decide on something that will make him pause. May I suggest "Relax" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood?" Alice giggled, clearly enjoying dishing on Edward in his absence.

That was an excellent suggestion, talk about getting on his nerves. "I think we should all do that," I suggested. I was envisioning Edward rolling his eyes every time he received a call. It was an amusing thought.

"I have a better suggestion. I'll let everyone borrow some of my aluminum foil to make caps, and that way he will only be left with his own thoughts to agonize over. Wouldn't that drive him crazy?" Jacob laughed.

Carlisle's eyes lit up. "I'm envisioning more of the scene from Fried Green Tomatoes. I think we should meet him, when they come back from Chicago, wrapped completely in aluminum foil."

Wow, I was actually proud of Carlisle for getting in on the scheming.

Esme attempted to bring us into control, "Rose, perhaps we can just send the two of you to a communication retreat?"

"Please," I snorted derisively, "that conversation would end up as a special report on CNN."

The group laughed as Rose shook her head and took the next present that Henry offered her. It was another hospital bag so I was guessing this was Carlisle's present. Opening it, she pulled out a boy doll with black hair and blue eyes. She cocked her head to one side, confused, as she pulled out another male doll with blond hair and golden eyes. This doll was dressed in a doctor's uniform.

Carlisle grinned as he began to explain. "I spoke with a therapist at the hospital. She stated that 'empty chair' therapy is a good way to handle unresolved issues. I know what a visual person you are so I bought you two dolls to put in your 'empty chair.' One to deal with Henry as he grows up, and one to deal with your 'father issues.'"

Alice and Esme started giggling as Rose's mouth fell open. Wow, even Carlisle was going to challenge her this year. Clearly, Carlisle and Edward were counting on motherhood to mellow my Rosie out. My evening could prove to be very interesting indeed. Perhaps I should help them tweak her a little. I internally grinned in anticipation.

I adopted a vaudeville Austrian accent, "Vhat we have here is a classic case of the Electra complex. The female, here ve shall call her Patient A, desires her father and the _things_ he can give her. But conflict is present. While she desires his gifts on one hand, she detests them on the other. Resolution will only occur when Patient A can resolve her pen…" I stumbled for a moment realizing what I was about to say and hearing Jacob's growling, " … envy." I ended on a grin. Although I knew Jung had actually coined the phrase, much to Freud's consternation, it was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

"Such wisdom, particularly coming from the man that perfectly personifies the 'Id'," Jasper threw his hat into the mix. "I've never seen a more blatant example of the pleasure principle run amok in my life."

Carlisle snickered and Alice turned her golden gaze upon him. "Have something to say, Mr. Ego?"

He laughed, "Well somebody around here has to be the mediator between Emmett and Edward."

The room burst out in laughter as we realized that Carlisle had just dubbed Edward the "Superego." Hmmm. I'd never thought about it, but his morality and "doing the right thing" complex did fit perfectly.

Jasper grabbed the blond doll, holding it in front of his face, and adopted a fairly good imitation of Rose's voice. "How dare you turn me into this ravishing creature. I was close to perfect already."

Jasper was treading on thin ice here. I wondered if his comment would ruin the moment. Rose's face however tilted in a humorous slant.

She picked up the 'Henry' doll. Mocking Jasper's voice, but intentionally adding just a little too much twang, she whispered, "Henry, suun, what have you dun to my buuks? Thems was first editions!"

She continued speaking, mimicking Henry, "But mama said it was okay to use them to draw on."

Jasper gave as good as he got. "Henry, this sander will be fine to polish the car with. It'll provide just the right amount of texture to the paint."

Esme shook her head and laughed, interrupting their mock bickering, "Our family is a psychoanalyst's dream…"

"Or nightmare," Henry perked up. How ironic he would come up with those terms.

Jacob turned to Nessie, "Wow. Nessie, now that I think about it. I'm not sure hanging around your family is such a good idea. Too many unresolved desires, swirling conflict, and ego problems." They grinned at each other.

"Well Jacob, at least we only have to deal psychological issues, you have the whole collective consciousness. The pack is the stuff built of sociologist's dreams," Rosalie challenged him.

I snickered at my wife. She had scored a point on Jacob for that one. Henry handed Rose the next gift as she and Jacob mock glared at each other. I saw Jacob's eyes shift slightly downward, taking in the present, and a smile replaced the scowl on his face.

Nessie spoke up. "That one is from Jake and me."

Rose un-wrapped the paper to find another book: Parenting for Dummies. Jasper burst out laughing, feeling the undercurrent of humor in the room. Rose's glare darted to him, but he was unable to get himself under control.

"I … I'm … just feeling what … they are … can't help it," he panted out.

Alice tried to keep a straight face from atop her perch on his legs, but his humor was infectious. She looked at Rose grinning, swinging her wolf clad feet in reminder. "Maybe there will be some helpful hints," she said, just before exploding.

"We looked for a Parenting for Blondes book, but we couldn't find one. We even looked in the books-on-tape section when we remembered that blondes can't read," Jake added, raising his eyebrows Rose in challenge.

Henry had taken the book out of Rose's hands, and Alice reached over to take it from him. "Hey Rose, it says that there are sections on childhood growth and development, that should be really informative," she said, in a sarcastic tone.

Jasper pointed to the back of the book, "I think this section, _Keeping a sense of humor_, may be more pertinent. He looked at me, cracking a smile. I didn't have to be Edward to read his mind. He was remembering all the precarious moments Henry had already managed in the first weeks of his life.

Jacob held out his hand toward Jasper for the book. "I thought you might find these parenting definitions funny." He turned in the book and began reading.

_"FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him/her_

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Jacob slanted a knowing look my way at that one. I glared back, imagining my revenge. Just wait until he had kids. I was going to teach them every swear word I knew in the four languages I was fluent in. Let's see how he would feel about his puppies swearing at him in French. He continued:

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house..."

Henry started laughing. "Uncle Jake, tell momma the blond joke you told me the other day."

Rose stared at Jake with an arch expression, challenging his nerve to tell Henry jokes behind her back.

Henry continued, "You know, the one you told me about why she bought her car?"

Jacob shifted, looking decidedly uncomfortable, so to be honest, I really wanted to hear this one.

Henry looked to Jacob and realized he wasn't going to give. He was the picture of innocence, but I had a feeling that my little guy was stirring the pot intentionally. He looked up at Rose and said, "Why do blondes drive BMWs?" He asked his mom, and continued when she didn't answer. "Because they can spell it."

We all snorted as Rose growled at Jacob. Alice whispered, but intentionally loud enough to be heard, "Perfect example of that Hearsay definition."

Carlisle chuckled. Rose looked up at him with a sour expression. "You're just lucky we were all out of that 'open mouth and embarrass your parents stage' when you got us."

Carlisle opened his eyes wide and looked right at me. "Really?" his cultured voice carried just the right amount of incredulousness. Esme's tinkling laughter chimed in as she looked at me as well, while nudging a gift toward Rosalie with her foot.

Henry grabbed the package and handed it to his mother. He smiled up at Esme as he told Rose, "This is from Nana."

Esme gasped, hearing that word for the first time. She flitted over and scooped up Henry, carrying him back to sit on her lap while she sat on Carlisle's. She started peppering kisses across his skin while she brushed the hair back from his face. Henry gave her the soulful eye look. My boy was good, really good. He was conning her into forgetting about the damage and destruction he had done to her flower garden, just this morning. She had threatened him with time out. It looked like he was maneuvering his way out of it. 'Nana', huh? Good way to honor her with being a grandmother without calling attention to the fact that she was old, like, really old.

Rose had torn through the paper and found yet another book. She grinned in good nature at Esme. Looking at me, she held up the book so that I could see the title: The Taming of the Shrew. Ah, this could be really good. Katherine was the more interesting character of the book. Quoting Shakespeare might be bad for my image, but it would be worth it if I got to tease my wife just a little.

"Such duty as the subject owes the prince, Even such a woman oweth to her husband," I murmured to Rose, grinning evilly.

"Small choice in rotten apples," she snarked back at me. From the look on her face, she was probably planning on handing me my "arse" later.

Still, I couldn't help myself. The family sat in eager anticipation to see what I would throw out next. So I decided to challenge her a bit and throw out some other lines.

"Then God be bless'd, it is the blessed sun: But sun it is not when you say it is not, And the moon changes even as your mind." Fickle woman, let's see how she responded to _that_.

Rose grinned serenely at me, "No profit grows where is no pleasure ta'en."

"Dude," Jacob interrupted. "She just called you out. No pleasure taken. Ha! Maybe I needed to get you that book instead."

Rose grinned over at Jake in appreciation. No way. Was she really going to gang up on me with him?

"Ah, sweet Rose. Your every wish, and be it moon, or sun, or what you please. Henceforth, I vow it shall be so for me."

Jasper gasped in laughter, "Rose, please don't wish for the moon. We've seen enough of those from Emmett over the past years. I'm still traumatized."

"Do you remember that poor family in Wyoming?" Esme laughed. "They almost ran off the road when Emmett and Edward passed them in the car. Carlisle and I thought perhaps the sun had reflected off Emmett. It wasn't until later that I found out what Emmett had done." Esme attempted to bring her tone back around to disapproval of me, but just didn't quite make it.

"My favorite was the teenage girl that actually did get a shot of Emmett's butt sparkling," Rose choked out. I shrugged modestly. I'd had to break into the girl's house and steal the film on that one, but I had won concert tickets off Jasper for it.

From Carlisle's expression, I could see that he still hadn't forgiven me for the last time I surprised him at the hospital. He was always so prim and proper that I just had to throw a monkey wrench in his life once in awhile. Rose smiled knowingly at Carlisle, obviously remembering the same incident.

She looked over to Jacob, explaining. "Emmett's most famous mooning incident happened in Alaska. He snuck into the hospital and posed as an emergency patient. When Carlisle came in with the ER nurse, Em was lying face down on the bed with a hospital gown on. Needless to say, certain attributes were prominently displayed." She giggled before continuing. "He'd gone and gotten one of those temporary tattoos. It wouldn't transfer to his skin, so he cut around the edges and laid it just on top."

Jacob started chuckling, "What did the tattoo say?"

Carlisle spoke up, clearing his throat, "Bite Me! I could have strangled him. The nurse grabbed his wrist to check his pulse and called a code blue. I had a very interesting time explaining where the body went."

Jacob snorted, before saying, "Rose, are you sure you aren't the shrew tamer in this relationship? It seems like Emmett has calmed down quite a bit since being in Forks."

I glared at the mutt. I'd show him tame. Wait until my darling niece wasn't around. I picked up the bag from Newton's Outfitters and tossed it to Rose. I had her other present upstairs, but the gag gift had to come first.

She untied the string and reached in to pull out a bottle of suntan lotion, a pair of awful sunglasses, several different styles of hair clips, and a hat that said: Soccer Mom. Finishing off the bag was two bumper stickers: "Soccer moms do it in the minivan" and "My other car is a BMW."

She growled at me. "I hope you didn't think I would _actually_ put this on my car," she said, holding up the first of the stickers.

"Nope, they're actually for the minivan I'm having delivered. I bought it second hand. The salesman said it was in fairly decent shape. I just thought with our expanding family that you would need more room than the sports car. The owner of the car dealership said we could trade in if you didn't want to pay full price?"

"Perhaps the Jeep would be a good option for trade, Em," she countered, ignoring my challenge with a deadpan face.

I attempted to keep a straight face as Alice began snickering, and then went very still as if she was seeing one of her visions.

"Rose, I see it. It isn't too bad, if you don't mind butt ugly." She burst out laughing, and the group followed along with her at the look on Rosalie's face. Bless Alice's heart for playing along.

"I'm told on good authority that the other items are necessities for the perfect soccer mom," I said, pressing my luck just a little further.

"Yeah, I see that suntan lotion coming in handy," Jacob started laughing, looking over to Nessie. "Maybe if they use like 1000 spf the disco ball effect will go away."

"Stayin' alive, stayin alive, Ah … ah … ah … ah … staying alive, staying alive. Oh wait a minute that doesn't apply here," Nessie added, grinning mischievously at us all as she moved her finger u p and down in rhythm.

Rose rolled her eyes at Nessie and reached down to grab the next gift. Jasper grinned, so I was assuming that the present was his. Rose untied the bag and reached inside. She brought out a First Generation Ipod. This was one of the newer black and white models. She looked up to the group quizzically, wondering what the gag behind the gift was.

Jasper said, "It is from me."

"And?" Rose asked softly.

"I took the liberty of loading several programs for you. The first one is an Anger Management program by Dr. Phil. It's followed by a relaxation CD," he placed his hands in front of his chest as if he was doing yoga, bowing his head.

Rose's lip curled up in derision. Her stress reduction plan generally included pounding or dismantling something, or taking her aggression out on me. I had my preference, but I didn't always get my way. Jacob started humming what sounded like a Gregorian chant under his breath, and Alice picked up the tune as well. Esme and Carlisle looked on in glee, waiting to see what Rose would do. Henry grinned at his mother from Esme's lap.

She turned to Jasper. "I'm disappointed in your strategy this year, Jasper. Usually you give one of the cleverest gifts. The trash on here is easily rectified. I'll just record some good music over the 'mumble jumble." She looked to him smiling.

I wondered about the look on his face as he smiled. "Oh, Rose, I forgot one thing. Alice saw a recall happening this fall on that particular model. Something about the lithium ion battery breaking into spontaneous fire…"

The Ipod landed in a shattered heap as Rose tossed it to the floor. Alice and Jasper started pounding their legs in hilarity. Finally, Jasper looked up at the group. "Alice has already called in a complaint, but it looks like they won't start taking it seriously until this fall. She saw that yours was fine. Well, it _was_."

Even Rosalie began chuckling. She reached over and smacked the side of Jasper's leg, eliciting a yelp.

Nessie and Jake were shaking with their humor. Nessie said, "And I was anxious to see if Dr. Phil's techniques would work."

She then began to mimic Rose's voice. "Well, when I get mad I just hit my big oaf of a husband. I swear it's like trying to teach a grizzly bear table manners."

Her rendition of Dr. Phil's voice came next, "And how is that working for you, Rosalie?"

"Well it hasn't made any change in his behavior, but since he's a vampire and therefore pretty much incapable of changing, that is to be expected. But it does make me feel better," Nessie's 'Rosalie' voice answered.

"Vampire? Hmmm. Possibly our problem here goes far beyond the scope of a talk show. Have you considered hospitalization?"

The group exploded over Nessie's little performance. It took a few minutes before order ruled again.

The next package had a note attached, so it was obviously Bella's. As Rose reached for it, Alice spoke. "Mine and Bella's gifts go together."

Rosalie tore into the leftover Christmas paper that surrounded Bella's present. She opened the box and reached inside, pulling out a canister of Pepper Spray and a box that indicated it held a wireless taser. Rose held them up, clearly perplexed. Following the directions from Alice, she opened up the next box before asking any questions. The next item out made us all draw a collective breath. Alice had purchased Rose a male chastity belt. Looking at the assortment of items in Rose's lap, I grew a little nervous. I knew the mace wouldn't affect me and I was figuring that the stun from the gun would only feel like a tickle, so what the hell…?

Rose looked up at Alice, and I believe she would be blushing if she could. Jacob had already covered Nessie's eyes with his paw-like hands. "Alice?" she strangled out. "I'm pretty certain I won't be using these on Emmett."

"Silly. Bella bought her gifts because it's quite clear that you just don't scare away humans the way you would like to. She figured you could use the pepper spray and stun gun to chase any more humans away from the family."

"Why would I need to chase anyone else away? We're all mated," Rose queried.

Alice giggled, and her eyes shifted to Henry sitting in Esme's lap. "The belt isn't for Emmett. And we aren't _all_ mated."

As Rose leapt to her feet, visions of grand-hybrids ran through my head. We all knew that Alice was seeing brief blurs of Nessie and Henry's future. We figured it had to do with her familiarity with them. Just what was Alice implying?

As she gained her feet, Rose roared, "WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN, ALICE?"

A/N: Bellaonline dot com is a true company and the book mentioned was found on that site. TRUE STORY! :)

**__**

Again, I cannot say enough good things about my two betas:

CullenFest - for her patience with me and my anxiety about writing. Visit her stories for good lemony experiences. She specifically wrote one of her chapters on Loving Edward for me - she is a doll.

Crmcneill - for his mighty red pen, and help in mapping out strategy. If you haven't read his story Downward Spiral you are missing an experience. It isn't a happily ever after story, but is an excellent read!


	10. Henry

Emmett POV

_Alice giggled, and her eyes shifted to Henry sitting in Esme's lap. "The belt isn't for Emmett … and we aren't __**all**__ mated."_

_Suddenly, as I saw Rose rising to her feet, visions of grand-hybrids ran through my head. We all knew that Alice was seeing brief blurs of Nessie and Henry's future. We figured it had to do with her familiarity with them. Just what was Alice implying?_

_Rose roared as she gained her feet. "WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN?"_

Alice giggled in response. "Nothing, Rose, but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up."

The family breathed a collective sigh of relief. Rose continued to stand frozen as she tried to shake off her anxiety. She continued to glare at Alice, but then her face shifted and she grinned malevolently, her look promising retribution. I wouldn't want to be Alice when Rose finally dished out her payback.

Henry smiled up at Rose, as she sat back down and began arranging his gifts in front of him. I felt a moment of terror when I realized that he was about to be subjected to our own personal brand of torture. Venom filled my mouth, and I was momentarily startled to realize that I was about to jump to his defense. Jasper's head jerked toward me, and then the big jerk smiled. "Never thought I would see you being all protective, Emmett."

Carlisle's head moved in my direction; his face was a study of concern, not quite understanding the undercurrent between Jasper and I. I glanced quickly down to Henry and then back up to him. Carlisle quickly picked up my unspoken answer. His face lit with joy. Crap, he was going to start getting all emotional on me, too.

In that moment, I realized that the family had probably planned to go lightly on Henry. After all, it wasn't like he would have been able to defend himself, until just a few minutes ago. I turned back to watch him, and caught Rose staring at me. She had seen the interaction between Jasper and me, and then between our father and me. She gave me the "baby I love you" smile, and my mood improved immediately. I was back out of the doghouse, albeit unintentionally.

"Poppa, Nana, which one is from you?" Henry asked, looking up to Carlisle and Esme. Nessie began laughing hysterically on the couch behind him. While he looked up into my parents' love-struck eyes, his hand snuck around to secretly pinch Nessie's leg. She whacked him across the head. I realized I had just received a momentary glimpse of what life was going to be like around here over the next few years.

"We bought ours together. It is the one wrapped in the comics," Esme all but cooed.

Henry pulled the package over and ripped the paper off. Looking inside the box, he reached his tiny hand in and pulled out a black medical bag. The thing was almost as big as he was. The initials HJC were tooled into the leather above the brass mechanism. Henry grinned up at Carlisle and Esme. He loved going into the library to study with Carlisle. I had heard Carlisle reading to Henry for hours from the dry monotonous medical journals he received. I guess Carlisle had finally given up on getting Edward to follow in his shoes.

Henry maneuvered the lock and opened the bag. He began to reach inside and pull out various items. A digital thermometer, blood pressure cuff, stethoscope, and then something I had never seen before. It was about 6 inches long and looked like an old fashioned thermometer, the type that had the silver mercury in it. Henry held it up looking to Carlisle.

"That's from me," Esme giggled. "It's a veterinary thermometer. They're used for animals larger than a dog." Her glance then slid to Jacob as he sat on the couch. It hit us all at the same time just exactly where that thermometer would be utilized and what she was insinuating. Alice was laughing so hard she fell off Jasper's lap. A memory of an old TV commercial ran through my brain; a baby's face looking horrified, with the words "You want to put that where?"

Jacob snarled at Esme as Henry began to chuckle. "I'm not sure this is going to be long enough," he said, cutting a quick devilish look to me. Atta boy.

Between Esme and Carlisle's gifts, Henry uncovered various implements that would cover both humans and large animals.

"With this family, you have to be prepared for just about everything," Carlisle smiled as he added.

"Between my presents and Henry's, we should have you all covered, Jake," Nessie said in a very serious tone. The look on his face was priceless. I often couldn't decide who provided more comic relief for our family: Bella as a human or Jake. I was leaning more toward Jacob because he was so easy to rile. Bella had just been a klutz; boy how I missed those days. If I couldn't get my humor kicks off Vampy Bella anymore, I could tease her best friend, and future son-in-law. That thought fueled my humor even more, which brought something else to my mind.

"Not true, Nessie. We still need to get everything for the neutering process."

I knew that I had finally tipped the scales when I saw Jacob's hands begin to tremble. If he didn't realize Nessie was intelligent enough to know all about sex, then far be it from me to be kind and not utilize everything I could to mess with him.

Several things happened all at the same time. Rose snatched Henry out of the way, Jasper and Alice broke out in startled laughter, Esme grabbed the ugly gnome Edward had given her to protect it, and Jacob launched at me from across the room. Guess we didn't make it until it was "all over", as he had threatened earlier. From the corner of my eye I saw Esme put the whistle to her mouth and I knew she would use it if I got near her furniture, giving Jacob the advantage. So I met Jacob halfway and used my momentum to propel us toward the back a door and out into the yard.

Damn, he was strong, even in his human body. He slammed us into Esme's planter, shattering it everywhere as he continued to pound me. At least it was the same one I had chipped before; now I would only have to replace one. We both started laughing from the thrill of it all. After several minutes, I heard Esme hesitantly ask Carlisle if he should break us up. Obviously seeing how much Jake and I were enjoying ourselves, he murmured, "Let them be boys, Esme. At least they made it outside and off the deck."

Jacob and I each landed several more good punches before we flopped to the ground, laughing. I had held back, not wanting to hurt him, but it still felt good to tussle like this, even if I couldn't pound him like I would Edward or Jasper.

"I haven't had a good brawl like that since the last time I pissed off Paul," he laughed, clearly having enjoyed himself.

"I can't ever get close enough to Edward, Jasper is about my only hope," I responded, feeling very satisfied.

We heard a huff and looked up to see Nessie standing at the top of the stairs to the deck, with her fists on her hips glaring at us. The rest of our family stood behind her with varying looks of amusement on their faces. I saw Jake sit up from the corner of my eye, as I did the same. Then the family exploded in laughter. I wasn't clear what had brought on the new round of amusement, so I turned to Jake to help figure it out. He had several clods of dirt and pansies stuck in his short hair. I figured I looked pretty much the same. I noticed several cuts on his skin, from the broken shards of pottery, which were already beginning to heal. He resembled an Indian returning home from a war party with the dirt and blood smeared across his face.

Figuring to irk him just one more time, I copied Jasper's previous dig. I held my palm out flat to him and muttered, "How!" Jacob smirked before he landed a punch to my nose, knocking me backwards.

As we were walking back into the house, Alice nudged Jasper and said, "I'm surprised you didn't jump in." Jasper just laughed

We reassembled after Jacob and I both washed the dirt off our faces and changed. It was amazing to see that he had already completely healed, only faint lines showing where the pottery had slashed into his skin. I would never admit to him, but if I couldn't be a vampire, then being a wolf would definitely be my next choice. Even with the smell.

As Alice was moving a large box over toward Henry, she said, "This is from Edward and Bella."

Henry grinned in anticipation. Tearing into the box he pulled out a Recaro racing car seat, and a smaller package that had been wrapped and put into the box. Rose turned her head quizzically at the car seat.

I started laughing, "Rose, I'm surprised Edward's helping you out like that.

Just a few weeks prior, Charlie had nearly had a coronary when he took Nessie out to the Volvo and realized that there was no car seat present. Charlie had read Edward the riot act and threatened that if he didn't install a car seat in his and Bella's car that he was going to put him in jail and throw away the key. He couldn't have known that, in a wreck, Nessie would do more damage to the car than vice versa.

Everyone else laughed in agreement as Henry crawled into the thing, settling back nicely with the other package in his hand.

"At least he bought you one that's stylish and matches the color of your car," Alice chimed in looking at the red and black striping on the seat.

"I'm not buying it," Rose said to me, as she turned to look at Henry and the package in his hand. "Go ahead and open that one, Henry. I'm thinking Uncle Edward and Aunt Bella have something else in store for us."

Henry tore into the package and three things fell out, a toy steering wheel, a stuffed "truck", and an envelope. There was a message written on the envelope:

_Henry, Sorry we aren't there to explain our gifts. Since you will hopefully be good in helping your mother to not get arrested by Uncle Charlie, we have provided you a few tools to sharpen your back seat driving skills._

Henry hit the center button on the steering wheel and an obnoxious honking sound emitted loudly. He giggled and began punching button after button, resulting in various commands such as "Hey, turn here!" "You missed our turn." "Have you looked at the directions?" "STOP!" "You're driving too fast!"

As Henry was ecstatically waving the gift in the air, a look of horror spread across Rose's face as she realized just how many times Henry would be pressings those buttons on a car trip. As his mother sat and boiled, Henry picked up the stuffed toy and looked at it quizzically. It looked like a tow truck, but it had big goofy eyes and buck teeth.

Puzzled, I turned to the others. Jacob took pity on me. "That's Mater from the movie Cars."

I was about to razz him as to how he would know this when he answered defensively. "Quil made me watch the DVD with him and Claire. It's an animated kid flick; didn't you see the commercials for it last year?"

"I don't think they advertise kid's movies on ESPN, Jacob. And since that's about the only channel I watch, I can't say I've had the pleasure," I responded.

Jasper added, "It was actually a cute movie, great one-liners."

"Maybe I should've bought you Disney movies instead of guy-cry flicks," I snorted at him. He was caught red handed.

He realized my mood and quickly said, "I accompanied your sister and wife to that movie, while you were watching baseball. You'd better rethink what you're planning."

Rosalie and Alice looked at me menacingly in his defense. I'd talk to him later about hiding behind skirts.

"It's all right, Jasper," Alice sniggered, "Daddy here is going to have plenty of time to catch up on kid movies in the next few months."

"Well, I think it's appropriate that Bella would buy Rose's son a late 50's model Chevy pickup, even if it is a tow truck," Jake said, casting a pointed glance at Rosalie.

I was intrigued because she almost looked guilty; I started wondering if there was something I didn't know. Had Rose had something to do with Bella's truck dying? Hmm… I would have to torture her tonight to find out the answers.

I wiggled my eyebrows at her in question, and she muttered, "Shut up, you big hillbilly."

I chortled in glee. She was definitely mad, which meant I was going to have a very good night. Henry took the opportunity to smack the toy in his hand and the words "Git-R-Done!" echoed throughout the room. Everyone in the room froze momentarily and then burst out laughing, as it was clear from the look on my face that that was exactly what I had been contemplating.

Clearly tickled, Henry quickly hit the thing again, to which "I'm happier'n a tornado in a trailer park" came out.

Jacob looked over at me smirking. "That brings up an interesting point. Aren't you from Tennessee? Maybe Rose could be the queen of your double-wide if you ever have to move back."

Rose picked up a pillow and lobbed it at Jacob as he chuckled at the look on her face.

"Mama, what's a double-wide?" Henry asked, looking up at Rose.

Alice answered, "Your mom's personal version of Hell."

Jasper rolled at Alice's comment. Henry accidentally hit the toy in his own glee and Mater muttered, "Now, I don't care who you are. That's funny right there."

Rose held her hand out to Henry requesting the toy. Then in frustration, she threw it back into the box the seat had come out of. A muffled, "Later, Mater" caused the room to erupt again.

Rose cursed under her breath, before regaining control and looking to Alice. "I think we should move ahead."

Henry interrupted, "Mama, wait; I think there's something in the envelope." He held it out to Rose.

She tore into the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper. A myriad of emotions, including anger, fear, and (strangely) anticipation, flew across her face. I reached over to take the paper from her and realized it was a receipt for a 2007 Honda CRF50 Dirt Bike. Edward had ordered Henry his first motorcycle. Hell, yeah - this could be really fun. I looked up to find Rose torn. I explained to the others what the order slip was for.

Edward had written at the bottom of the paper "Henry, I'm sorry your real gift didn't make it in time. I had it special ordered, and the next production will not occur until mid summer. In the meantime, please accept these other gifts, and make sure to harass your mother with them."

Rose growled as she looked at the box and the wheel still firmly grasped in Henry's hand.

Even Carlisle had a hard time getting himself under control. "I may not have missed the "open mouth, insert foot" time period, but at least I missed the annoying toy stage," he said in mock relief.

Esme turned and looked at her husband with an arch expression, "Oh, really, Carlisle? Four words: 'Emmett' and 'Dance Dance Revolution'. If I could sleep, that would have been the stuff nightmares are made of."

"The Whoopee Cushion," Jasper added, looking at me in exasperation.

"Paintball guns," Alice added. I could tell they were just beginning to pick up steam, so I interrupted, "Enough, enough …"

By now, everyone was laughing. Even Rose let out a little giggle.

Alice handed Henry a long, rectangular box. He rested the box across the arms of his new car seat, as he grinned at her. "From you and Uncle Jasper?" he asked. Alice nodded her head in answer. He tore into the end of the package and pulled out a black bag with a Bushnell label on the side.

Jasper spoke up, excitement evident in his voice. "It's a portable telescope."

Henry squealed in delight. Great. Jasper was going to teach him to be a 'mamby pamby' man. Looking at the stars; sheesh. I would much rather Jasper teach him warfare skills. I had held my tongue when Jasper had taken both Nessie and Henry out to stargaze, but buying him a telescope definitely increased the seriousness of the "hobby." Jasper quirked his eyebrow at me, obviously sensing my disquiet. Perhaps he and I needed to go outside next. He chuckled and then sent a wave of weepiness my way. I would have been crying if I could. I snarled at him before he let up on me.

"There's more," Alice said as she picked up the end of the box and shook it, interrupting Jasper and I. Two smaller packages fell out.

Henry opened the first package. Alice had bought Henry Les Propheties by Nostradamus. A book from a seer about a seer. Ha! I opened my eyes wide in question to her.

"Well, he was an apothecary," she said, cutting her eyes toward Carlisle, "and many of his visions have been declared accurate. So, I think this gift correctly represents at least two of our family members." She grinned, secretly challenging me.

Opening Jasper's present, Henry found a book on astronomy. Jasper looked at me when he sensed my annoyance spike again. "Up until the last century, knowledge of the stars was critical to navigation. In the event of technical failure, it's still a desired expertise. Nostradamus utilized his knowledge of the universe in his predictions. Knowledge _is_ an immeasurable gift. Are you opposed to your son being given every opportunity?"

Rose started growling at me. Leave it to Jasper to make it sound like I was attempting to hold Henry back. I had stepped right into his trap, the ass. If he got me back into the doghouse, I was going to really take it out on him later. As soon as Rose turned back to Henry and his astronomy book, I narrowed my eyes at Jasper in warning. He and Jacob both started laughing, clearly enjoying the predicament I was in.

After a few moments, Henry looked up at Jasper. "Uncle Jasper, this is great. While you and daddy were glaring at each other, I was showing mom some of the constellations you've already pointed out to me."

Rose started grinning at Jasper, and he immediately began shifting in his seat uncomfortably. Alice looked at him and began laughing, having seen where this was going. She said, "Go ahead, Henry, tell everyone the ones Uncle Jasper pointed out."

Jasper grimaced at her.

Henry ignored the outburst. "Well there is Chepheus, the King; that's Poppa, of course," he said, looking over to Carlisle, who appeared stunned. "Cassiopeia, The Queen for Nana. Circinus, the compass for Aunt Alice, and Centaurus, the centaur, for Jasper." He looked over at Jasper with a smile, "I assigned that one to you myself."

He grinned before turning to the next picture page. "Scutum, the shield, for Aunt Bella, and Columba, the Dove, for Nessie because she brought peace between us and the wolves."

"Lupus, the wolf, for Uncle Jake, although we did talk about Indus 'The Indian' also for second choice. Mama is Andromeda, the chained maiden, and Daddy is Ursa Major, The Great Bear."

He looked to the group and said, "Uncle Jasper said I would have to be Ursa Minor, The Little Bear." He smiled so hard at me that his dimple appeared permanently etched into his cheek. Okay, so maybe I could live with the Mamby Pamby stuff.

"Wait, you forgot Edward, which one is he?" Jacob asked.

Jasper attempted to stop Henry before he spoke, but my little one completely ignored him. "Uncle Jasper said he would definitely have to be Cancer, the crab."

Jacob erupted into full-throated laughter just a second before we all joined him. "Crabby" what a great nickname. Possibly I should attempt to use that one on him when they returned from Chicago, maybe he would loose a little of that "control" and we could go at it.

Rose lifted the final gift; setting it in front of Henry. I heard the sound of metal rattling against metal and wondered what Jacob and Nessie had gotten him.

Excited, Henry ripped into the paper to uncover a small red toolbox. Opening the top, he pulled the first tool out and I saw Rose's eyes widen. It was a Snap-On Allen wrench. Henry continued to pick up various wrenches, sockets, ratchets, and screwdrivers. It was a nice starter kit for Henry to utilize. Rose looked up at Jake and Nessie with an unfathomable look on her face. Jake shrugged his shoulders as Nessie giggled.

"I had no clue you helped Nessie pick out tools for me. When I suggested that we buy Henry a tool set, she said 'I'll handle that part'_._"

"Daddy helped me pick it out, when we went to Seattle this week," Nessie explained. "I told him what you had helped me get for Jake, and that I wanted Henry to have something to work on your car with you."

"My personal addition is at the bottom of the box, and yes, I did find it at the yard sale," Jacob stated.

Henry moved the tools around and pulled out a book. He turned it to the group. BLONDE JOKES by Red C. Stangland.

Rose hissed as Jacob explained, "I thought that as soon as Henry starts reading, he could at least keep you entertained while you work on the car. I took the liberty of marking a few particular jokes for him."

Alice flitted over to where Henry was sitting and he handed the book over to her. She turned to a marked spot and began reading before she even sat down.

_A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over._

The policeman walked up to the blonde and said, "Excuse me ma'am, could I please see your driver's license and registration?"

The blonde looked at the policeman angrily and said, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

Knowing that Rose was a speed demon, this was exceptionally funny. _IF_ Rose had ever gotten pulled over, I was sure she would have charmed her way out of it, but the intent of the joke was clear.

Nessie held out her hand and Alice tossed the book to her. She looked at Carlisle with a suspicious looking grin as she turned to another page.

_A blonde pushed her BMW into a gas station. She told the mechanic, "It died." _

_After he worked on it for a few minutes, it began idling smoothly._

She asked, "What's the story?"

He replied, "Just crap in the carburetor."

She asked, "How often do I have to do that?"

As everyone else laughed, Carlisle growled out, "Soap, young lady, I'll use soap."

Jasper gestured for Nessie to throw him the book and grinned as he turned to the next bookmark.

"What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?" He looked to the group.

Jacob started snickering before he answered, "A blonde going through a flashing red light."

Henry looked up at Jasper. "Funny, Uncle Jasper, that sounds like you trying to ride that motorcycle of yours." He pointed to Jasper's hair conveying that he too was blonde, warning him that he shouldn't be throwing rocks in a glass house.

Jasper's expression was stunned as we all reacted to Henry's quick repartee. Carlisle was smacking his knees in laughter and began to say something. Henry cut his eyes at his grandfather pointing to Carlisle's hair. My father, the person who was most likely able to come up with a good quick comeback, held his hands up in surrender. Rose smiled down at her knight in shining armor, grabbing him out of the seat into her arms for a hug.

After a moment, Rose looked up at me anxiously. I knew what she wanted to do. We hadn't really discussed how we were going to give Henry our gift. It didn't fit with the liveliness of the moment, but everyone in the room had contributed to helping us put it together. Rose had mentioned that she wanted everyone to be present, but that was before we knew that Edward and Bella were going off to Chicago. As she put Henry to the floor beside her, I walked over and pulled her into my arms whispering, "Your decision."

"Thank you," she replied adamantly, hugging me tightly.

I quickly went upstairs and retrieved the package, handing it to her before I also sat down beside them.

When Henry realized that we had sat together and that everyone was staring at him, he looked up at me, "Am I in trouble?" He did look guilty, and I wondered what I hadn't caught yet. Jasper picked up on my fear at about the same time as Carlisle interpreted my facial expression. They both snorted.

Rose answered in a soft voice, "No, Henry, we just have a special gift for you. Everyone helped put it together, so we wanted to give it to you now."

The night that Henry came to be with us, Jasper and I had gone to the apartment after breaking into the rental office. The place was crawling with police as they conducted the investigation of her 'murder,' courtesy of the phone call the wolves had made, and even a vampire couldn't have come and gone without notice.

Although we were quite certain we could get by without notice during the days that followed, Carlisle forbid our attempting a visit. Carlisle was generally pretty relaxed about most things, so when he forbade something, we didn't generally go against him. So, Jasper and I began to follow the leads that Jenks could find on Lucy, Henry's biological mother. We found her family, in Oklahoma. Through the same breaking and entering techniques I had utilized to get pictures for Alice, I collected as much as possible for Henry.

Rose handed him the photo album that the family had all worked so hard on. At first, Henry looked perplexed and I wondered if he was just too young. We had all discussed the possibly that this should wait until he was a little more mature, but Rose had insisted. Strangely enough, Rose wanted Henry to know up-front about the woman that had borne him. We knew that Nessie's first memory was being inside Bella, and she had remembered Bella and Edward from the second she was born, so we all assumed that he would be the same. Henry turned to the first page and saw the high school picture we had found of Lucy.

"She looked so much like Aunt Bella," he noted. Everyone froze for a barely perceptible moment. Unaware, he continued to flip through the few pages that had pictures. Rose reached over to grab my hand, needing support in the moment.

I looked down at him; a little ashamed that we had so little to give him, "We'll find some more as we have the time, Henry."

He looked up to Rose and me. "I remember her voice, but it was muffled."

Vampires were physically incapable of shedding tears, but the accompanying expression was unmistakable. I saw it now on the faces of the ladies in our family as they watched Henry look back down at the pages again. I wondered if his silence had to do with any other memories, perhaps of the time alone in the apartment with her body.

He softly closed the book and whispered, "Thank you. It's nice to have something of her. But I know who my mother and father are." He placed his hand on top of ours.


	11. Emmett

Emmett POV

_Henry softly closed the book and whispered, "Thank you. It's nice to have something of her. But I know who my mother and father are." He placed his hand on top of ours._

Rose grabbed Henry, pulling him into her lap again. She pressed her lips against his head, just at his hairline, and began rocking him back and forth. I saw Esme place her head on Carlisle's shoulder and Alice lean into Jasper, smiling gently up at him. Nessie wrapped her tiny arm around Jake's massive one as they sat beside each other on the couch. Rose continued to squeeze Henry to her, running her fingers through his hair. I turned my head for a minute so that the others couldn't see my expression. I was going to face the music next, anyway: no need to give them the extra ammunition of knowing just how profoundly seeing my wife this way affected me.

"Mama … can't … breathe," Henry murmured, and I laughed, remembering Bella using those exact words.

Rose released him immediately, smiling down into his tiny face.

"Besides, it's daddy's turn now," he grinned up at her.

"It is, indeed," she agreed, brushing his hair back as she looked at me with a blank face.

Alice pushed the remaining gifts over in a stack in front of me, and then ran up the stairs. Where was she running off to? Jasper grinned in anticipation at me as he said, "Bella and Edward's gifts are upstairs and she just went to get them."

I looked around and realized that everyone was staring at me. I groaned; this wasn't good… I was getting the feeling that they had all ganged up on me. I looked up as I heard Alice's footsteps at the top of the stairs, and I froze. Coming down the stairs was the largest arrangement of daisies I had ever seen. It must have stood three feet tall, and probably that big around. I could only guess that Alice was under the pot bringing it to me, because I couldn't see her body through the profusion of blooms, just a bag dangling.

I shook myself loose from the shock and looked around the room. Oh, crap. I knew what was going to happen now, all because of Edward and his stupid trip to the bath and body shop. I was never going to live it down.

"Alice pot" stopped at the side table closest to me and placed the arrangement on it. She then ducked out from under the monstrosity with a florist card in her hand, and the bag dangling from the other. Giggling, she dropped the card into my lap as she passed me and crawled into Jasper's waiting arms.

I stared down at the card like it was one of the Volturi, crouched in attack position.

"What does it say, Daddy?" Henry asked, looking up with expectant eyes.

I had planned to throw it away versus reading it, but his question kept me from doing that. I took an unnecessary breath and slowly opened it.

_Emmett, Since your love of daisies has so recently come to my attention I thought that nothing could signify my love for my new big brother better than a continuous gift of your passion. I have arranged for daily deliveries from the local florist. No need to thank me. The joy on your face will be thanks enough. By the way did you know that there are over 200 varieties of daisies? Figuring one a day, you'll still be done in time for next Valentine's Day. Bella_

_P.S. Since I knew this first time had to be a surprise I asked the singing delivery person to wait until tomorrow to start that service_

I tried to keep from growling as I looked up from the card - two hundred days of daisies. I knew they were probably rolling with silent laughter, and I expected to see humor in their faces, bodies twitching and the like. However, when I looked up every face looked at me in joy. They were smiling in appreciation of Bella's gift. What the …?

Esme looked over to Rose and Alice, "The arrangements will look nice on the dining room table, and they'll help brighten the room in there and in the kitchen."

Alice and Rose both agreed adamantly and began discussing where my "lovely" gifts could be utilized around the house. While their conversation continued, Nessie asked, "Uncle Emmett, may I have some of the daisies from your vase?" She practically looked like she was begging.

I nodded my head in a jerky assent, afraid to say anything for fear my voice would probably crack. I was going to tear Edward apart. He _had_ to be behind this fiasco; either him or his charming bride.

Nessie skipped over to the large vase and pulled out a handful of the flowers from around the arrangement. Sitting back down, she tied them together into three necklaces as my mother, wife, and sister continued their interior decorating discussion.

I should have been forewarned by her innocent expression, she was Edward's daughter after all. Knowing that we had made Jasper wear his gifts, she strolled back over and put one of the creations around my neck. She leaned in and kissed my cheek before going back over to place one around Jacob's neck and her own. I couldn't rightly refuse since they were also wearing one of the numbers.

Henry reached up to pat the flowers against my chest. "I like your necklace, Daddy. It makes me want to smile."

_Makes me want to smile?_ Was he in on it too? Crap, crap, crap…

Still talking with Esme, Alice reached over and handed me the bag she had brought from upstairs. It was a gift bag, covered in daisies of course. I read the tag silently:

_Emmett, Sorry we can't be with you tonight. I hope you and Rose will enjoy these later. And by the way, like Bella's gift, mine is a gift that keeps on giving. You'll receive a package of assorted lotions and oils each month for your and Rose's pleasure. Edward_

I snarled internally. I didn't have to be Alice to know what I was going to find. I deluded myself briefly into fantasizing that I could get by without opening the package. Rosalie, the love of my life, the one that should've been helping me at this time of crisis, looked up at me with her golden eyes and asked, "Em, what's in the bag?"

She smiled with blatant curiosity apparent in her eyes. I steeled myself for the comments I was sure were waiting expectantly on the tips of everyone's tongues. Reaching down into the bag, I grabbed whatever I touched first. It was a large bottle of daisy scented body oil.

Rose squealed in delight, reaching up to take it out of my hands. "Thank you, Edward; that's my favorite." She turned it to the group. "This is the best stuff, if you heat it just slightly in the microwave, it's perfect. I'm so excited. We're out of the stuff that Emmett purchased."

She grabbed the bag from me and started pulling it all out, and then read the tag. "EACH MONTH … I'm starting to rethink what I got for Edward. Maybe I need to do something else …"

Jacob snorted cryptically at Rose, but then turned to me with a genuine smile on his face. "Looks like you may have gotten one of the few gifts that will actually get used."

Rose opened the oil bottle and squirted some on her hand. The smell permeated the room. I waited again for someone to break – I was betting on Jasper. I started counting 10…9…8…

I was pleased when I saw him begin to speak; I knew he wouldn't be able to last long.

"Did you know that, historically, the daisy symbolized innocence? It was used in most wedding ceremonies until the rose replaced it in popularity. I remember that there was a tradition as well for a maiden to be blindfolded and placed in a field of daisies to see how many she could grasp within a time period. It was believed that her years of marital happiness would be directly reflected by the number of daisies found in her hands at the end of the time period."

He looked like a freaking history professor – so sure in his knowledge. Pompous jerk.

"I wonder if that's where the whole 'he loves me, he loves me not' thing came from," Esme pondered.

Carlisle looked to her perplexed. She shrugged her shoulders at him when she saw his curiosity. "Remember, I grew up on a farm. When I was able to socialize with the other girls in town, usually after church on Sundays, we all sat around envisioning our future and husbands. Needless to say, I didn't quite envision my husband being so handsome," she smiled over to him, "or so old." She ribbed him gently at the last statement.

"Esme, help your _old_ husband a little, what exactly does that have to do with the daisy?" Carlisle grinned at her fondly.

Rose spoke up, "A young girl picks a daisy. Envisioning the individual that she believes is her true love, she picks off the petals as she alternately states 'he loves me, he loves me not'. When she pulls the last petal, whichever phrase she ends with 'the truth' about how the object of her affection feels."

Carlisle looked at Rose incredulously. "You're teasing, right? Tell me human girls do not actually believe that a random number of petals will foretell the level of commitment between them and their mates."

Nessie had darted back toward my flower arrangement as Carlisle was speaking. She returned with a single flower in her hand and began picking off the petals. We all watched in fascination as she got to the last petal. She started grinning. I sniffed; as if the level of devotion her mutt felt for her was ever in question. It was fanaticism at the very least.

Rose leaned over and grabbed my head between her hands and kissed me passionately. Halfway through the kiss, she grabbed my hair, securing my face to hers for a few more moments before she pulled away. "Don't ever think I had to go through all that to figure out your feelings for me, baby."

After she released me from her wicked ways, I realized there was one problem. She still had the oil on her hands, and it now covered my skin. She realized the problem almost immediately, "Oh Em, I'm sorry I forgot all about having the stuff on me."

She leaned over and began swiping at my face with her hands but all that accomplished was to smear it even further across my face. "Oh shoot, that's not helping, let me go get a paper towel," she said beginning to rise. I stopped her.

"Let me just go wash it off."

I walked into the kitchen and proceeded to scrub my face at the sink. As I turned the water back off, I heard what sounded suspiciously like a snicker coming from the living room, but when I dashed to the door, the family was interacting normally with each other as they awaited my return. Henry looked up and waved his little hand impatiently, encouraging me to hurry. I could still smell the oil in my hair (nothing was going to solve that problem but a shower) but at least I didn't feel it all over my face.

Henry was holding up an envelope when I returned to my seat. He crawled into my lap as soon as I sat back down. "This is from Uncle Jasper and Nana."

I looked over at Jasper and Esme. Esme answered my unspoken question, "Jasper suggested the gift, and I decided I wanted to help out."

I tore into the envelope and found a receipt from the local car-detailing business in town.

"Esme and I decided that you really deserved to have your Jeep detailed, Emmett. Everything has been polished and scrubbed to perfection," Jasper smiled at me.

They had _touched_ the Jeep. _Nobody_ touched my Jeep! I jumped to my feet with Henry in my arms and raced to the garage. If those thugs down at the local shop left one scratch on it, I was going to thrash Jasper. He knew better. I raced out into the garage and came to a dead stand still as the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

I heard the family behind me.

Huge daisies, peace signs, and smiley face magnetic decals covered almost every bare inch of my Jeep. The spare tire was covered by some horrendous image of a cow with a multicolored pattern behind it. Below the cow's face was the wording, "Daisy the Cow." Stickers had been applied to the bumper. One read, "I love Daisy." Hanging from the rear view mirror was a Daisy air freshener. Finally, adding insult to injury, someone had put a vanity license plate on my baby that read "MS. DAISY."

I felt the rumbling in my chest as snarls and growls ripped out of me. Pandemonium ensued behind me as the group burst into laughter.

"I thought I was going to loose it earlier when Nessie put the necklace around his neck. Did you see his face? I wished I had a picture of that for my photo album," my own mother said, just before she slid down the wall of the garage landing on her butt in laughter.

Carlisle stood beside her with the palms of his hands rubbing his eyes. "I almost didn't make it that far. When he saw Alice coming down the stairs I almost blew it then," he guffawed as I snarled at him.

"Rose, you're a natural. When you started rubbing that oil into his face, I thought I was going to come unglued," Jacob howled out in laughter. "Did you see him; he didn't know what had hit him. It was priceless."

"The word 'innocent' combined with any conversation about Emmett is hilarious," Alice said, her tinkling laughter added insult to injury. She actually snorted as she continued to carry on, sidestepping to the right just before the ratchet I threw at her whizzed by.

Nessie leaned over to Rose, giving her a 'high five' slap while Jasper leaned helplessly against the doorframe. He was rendered mute by the amusement of the others. He had his arm wrapped around his stomach like it was hurting from laughing too much. I handed Henry, the only person in the room to remain loyal to me, to his mom and started over to the Jeep to begin the process of removing everything.

"Ummm.. daddy, you aren't through with your presents yet," he whispered. I spun around. Et tu, Brute? Et tu? Even Henry had abandoned me in my hour of need.

He smiled at me angelically as he plunged the knife, "and Nessie hasn't decided what her reward will be for winning. She might decide you have to live with your presents."

He turned and grinned, attempting to convey a message to his comrade. Nessie's eyes lit in merriment. _WHY_ did he have to encourage her?

Carlisle reached down and pulled Esme up and the family staggered back into the living room, gasping for breath as they went. I was pondering what evil plan I could foist on Edward to pay him back for this. It wasn't like I could just buy him Strawberry stuff – he would like it too much.

I saw the family handing money to Esme as I came through the door. When she saw me looking at her, she grinned. "We took bets on which present would break you, Jasper and I bet on ours and won."

I hissed at her as she turned half of the money over to Jasper, and everyone collapsed again. "By the way, we really did have your Jeep detailed. We wanted our presents to be showcased in the best light," she said, patting me on the shoulder, as I passed her.

I had four presents still left on the floor. I decided to ignore the frivolity that the bet had caused and go sit down. They all continued to laugh around me. As Rose put Henry back down into my lap, I relented and broke out into a smile. Okay, they had gotten me; I could give them a little slack, as I had been known to be totally merciless in the past.

Alice came over to me smiling and leaned down to pick up a small package. She placed it in my hands before leaning over to kiss my forehead. "Em, you're a great big brother." I froze.

"What's the catch?" I asked her.

She patted my cheek and then walked back toward Jasper as she said, "Nothing, I just think you need to know sometimes."

I continued to stare at her as I opened the package. She had found a hideous shirt. It was designed like a Hawaiian shirt and was solid black with bright white and orange daisies randomly scattered across the fabric. Each daisy had a smiling face in it. It was gaudy, and I loved it. I threw it on over my t-shirt, just imagining going out with Rose in this. She would throw a hissy fit. I'd borrow the awful shoes that Carlisle had gotten and wear some khaki shorts and knee high athletic socks with it. I was already envisioning the threats she would throw my way. I grinned in anticipation and saw Rosalie tense up at the look on my face. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Alice, this is awesome!"

She hooted; leaning in to Jasper to whisper something she had obviously seen in a vision and his face lit in amusement. Rose looked at Alice fearfully, but before she could ask any questions, I distracted her by asking. "Which one did you and Henry get me?"

Henry pointed at a square box. I reached around him and picked it up. Tearing the paper off I found a toy called the "Crazy Daisies flower toy." Imagine… The front of the box depicted a family running through the water spray of the toy.

Henry looked up to me. "Mama said as soon as I start running well enough, you and I can hook this up to a water hose outside and have fun."

I looked down into his face, realizing we would do exactly that. If the family didn't watch out, I was going to do it naked, just to get back at them for all the daisy love.

Carlisle pointed to a manila envelope on the floor saying, "Henry, go ahead and give Emmett that next, it's from me."

I was curious, as the envelope had a fairly large bulge in the middle. I opened the top flap and turned the envelope upside down to dump the contents on the floor. The first thing that fell out was a large roll of clear surgical tape. Then a piece of transparent paper fluttered to the floor. On it was a drawing of a large daisy. The paper had been trimmed to conform to the artwork.

Carlisle snickered. "Take them all out, Emmett. I wanted to give you some variety to choose from, so I had them drawn especially for you." As he explained, I pulled out more drawings for a total of ten.

"I had them designed by a tattoo artist in Seattle, on the clear film, and then it was treated to keep the art from fading. Now Emmett can have a different tattoo every day if he so chooses. The tape should help hold it on, and when he puts it on, all that will show is the design."

I laughed at his ingenuity and choice of drawings. One of the flowers had a traditional smiley face just like my new favorite shirt, but an almost identical one had fangs drawn on to it with droplets of blood streaking down and, of course, the words "BITE ME" to the side. Another one had a pair of sunglasses on. My favorite had a rose and a daisy with the stems entangled as if they had grown together in support … it was an extraordinary piece of art. The stem of the daisy had grown between the thorns present on the rose. I looked up at him a little stunned at the symbolism.

He grinned as he said, "I figured that when you opened Henry's gift, you would start plotting how to run around naked to shock your mother, so I made sure to supply your traditional naked wear."

Even Esme laughed when she saw the look on my face. I was busted. It was like the man had eyes in the back of his head. He either knew exactly what I was doing behind his back, or guessed at what I was going to do. I could credit the guessing the future thing to Alice tattling on me, but the eyes in the back of the head I hadn't figured out yet. Although, as I looked down at the black hair of my son, I began to have a sneaky suspicion I would sooner than later.

The last present, Jacob and Nessie's, sat before me. I reached over and pulled the lid off the box. Reaching inside I pulled out some sort of daisy toy. The daisy's head had sunglasses on, and was on the top of a long stalk with appropriate leaves. It sat on a black base. Henry reached over pressing the button on the base and the stalk began jerking back and forth to give the impression that the flower was dancing. Then the most horrendous whistling and "OOHing" issued from the base. After a few stanzas of the noise the thing spit out "Don't Worry, Be Happy." Jacob picked up the whistling, making it doubly annoying.

Alice's voice picked up the first line, "Here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note."

Jasper rumbled, looking very pleased with the obnoxious song, "Don't worry, be happy."

Jacob picked up, "In every life we have some trouble." Everything came to a stand still as everyone froze, staring in horror at him.

"Jacob, um, we'll stop now, really," Alice's eyes were as big as saucers.

The family broke up at how truly horrible Jacob's voice was. He grinned, not even caring.

"I told Bella once she didn't want to hear me sing," he stated, shrugging his shoulders.

"I don't know which version was worse, yours or Bobby McFerrin's. If you were going to get me one of these, couldn't you have found one that at least used the Bob Marley version?" I begged.

"Luck of the yard sale draw."

Henry, of course, reached over and pushed the button again, laughing at the look on my face. "Uncle Jacob, sing it all," he begged.

Rose flew into the garage muttering about the need for a screwdriver to remove the batteries as Jacob rattled the windows with his version. Nessie attempted unsuccessfully to put her hands across his mouth; he held her in his arms and stretched his neck to keep her from being successful.

I looked over to Esme, begging permission, and she quickly handed Carlisle the whistle. Nessie bounded out of the way as I leaped across the space placing a pillow across his face. I heard Rose attempting to talk Henry into handing over the toy. His answer was to press the button again. Rose literally growled at him, as we could still hear Jake's muffled caterwauling and laughing.

________________

The party had broken up with Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle going up to their rooms. I knew Alice and Jasper were going hunting, and the rest of us planned to give Esme and Carlisle some privacy tonight, so we were all heading in different directions. After Jacob had offered to keep Henry for the evening, I had reserved a hotel room in Seattle for Rose and me.

Rose grimaced as she buckled Henry into his new car seat in Jake's Rabbit. "You really need a new car Jake. That certificate will only pretty this thing up so much. If my car wouldn't stink, I'd let you drive it instead."

She wrung her hands nervously as Henry waved bye to her. This was the first time he would be out of her sight since he had come to be with us. She was torn; it looked like she wanted to reach back in and rip him back out of the car.

Jacob walked over to her. "Rose, he'll be fine. He'll be surrounded by the pack, Nessie and I will be there; just how much trouble do you think he can get into? Go and enjoy your night, and we'll see you back here tomorrow evening."

She grimaced at Jacob and made an attempt at humor. "Henry, if they bother you, just threaten to bite them."

"Carlisle, Esme, we're leaving now," Jacob spoke loudly, as much to tell Esme and Carlisle they were free to frolic as to put an end to his and Rose's conversation.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," I called out to Carlisle, pulling Rose toward the Jeep.

Rose's scowl deepened as she looked at my poor baby. "I can't believe Nessie made you live with this for a week."

I smiled at her as she slid into the passenger seat. "You knew it was coming. It was an ideal opportunity for her to make us both suffer." She huffed over at me as she hit the garage door button to close the door. I knew the only thing keeping her in the Jeep was the fact that the windows were tinted and no one could see inside.

We followed Jake's wreck down to the highway where we turned in opposite directions. Nessie waved at us as they turned for the reservation and we began sped off towards Seattle.

"Where are we going, Em?" Rose whispered over to me looking up at the full moon as the dark clouds raced over the sky.

"I reserved a suite at the Grand Hyatt in Seattle. I didn't think you would want to stay in town." The local motels were below Rose's standards.

As we traveled toward Seattle, we laughed about the evening and some of our favorite gifts. We arrived in Seattle not too many hours later, and I thought Rose would die of humiliation when the valet greeted us at the hotel entrance. She attempted to walk away from the vehicle as quickly as possible, so as not be associated with it. However, in her haste, she dropped her scarf without realizing it. After picking it up, the doorman called out "Pardon me, Miss?"

Preoccupied, Rose didn't realize he was calling her. He called out a little louder "Pardon me, Miss Daisy?" I froze for a minute attempting to get my humor under wraps. He saw me coming around the back of the Jeep, "Pardon me, sir, are you driving Miss Daisy? She dropped her scarf." I swallowed my humor as I took it out of his hands, "Apparently, I am."

Rose was waiting by the counter, mortified. "When we leave here, I'll meet you down at the corner," she said.

I laughed, throwing the scarf around her neck and using it to pull her over to lightly kiss her lips. As soon as we were in the room, she relaxed.

She giggled and said, "It is pretty funny when you don't have to be in it."

I looked at her and sarcastically said, "Ha, ha, ha. It's too bad that she didn't make you carry around your therapy dolls. I'd like to see you explain those."

She smiled as she slowly walked across the room toward me. I dropped the luggage, immediately grabbing her to me.

"I love you, Rosalie Hale Cullen," I murmured against her lips. I knew, however, if this continued, I would be too distracted to remember my gift to her. I slowly let her go and backed up. She started slowly unbuttoning her sweater, smiling at me.

"Arrgh, OK, stop that for a moment," I turned away to keep from attacking her.

"Hmm, are you attempting to be in control, Emmett," she whispered from just behind me, running her fingers across my back.

I jumped to the other side of the room. "Rose, stop," I said laughing. "I'm attempting to keep your clothes on for a few more seconds so that I can focus long enough to give you your present."

She smiled at me. Going to her luggage she removed a package at the same time as I took one from mine. We met at the couch.

"May I go first," she asked me solemnly. I nodded my head.

"Em, I had a really hard time deciding on what to give you. Honestly, I just couldn't find a gift that really helped me to express what you mean to me. You put on the big, dumb show for everyone, but you know they all understand the true you. They just let you carry on because you are so much fun to be around. You bring joy to our family, and you've been the antithesis of my brooding behavior for so long."

"Now we have Henry, and honestly, I can't find a single thing to be sad about anymore. I know that I may have made you feel unwanted at times because I longed for my old human life. I can only apologize for my disrespectful behavior."

I attempted to interrupt her; to let her know I already "knew" all that, but she placed her fingers over my mouth.

"You had my heart from the first moment I looked into your face. You have my forever, but what I have never truly surrendered to you was my past. I had the ring that Royce gave me melted down and made into this for you. I don't know why I ever kept it. I guess to remind myself of his betrayal." She handed me the package in her hand.

I opened the package to find a gold charm suspended on a chain. A grizzly and a cub. Ursa Major and Ursa Minor.

She saw me touch the bears in reverence. "Edward helped. My contribution was the gift of my past. His was the idea for what my past should be fashioned into."

I placed my hand to the side of her face, using my thumb to gently skim the perfection of her cheekbones.

"I know you don't wear jewelry." She quirked her eyebrow at me, "Even the 'manly' stuff. But maybe you can wear it on special occasions?"

"Wi..." I had to cough to get the frog out of my throat. "Will you put in on for me, please?"

I handed her my small package as she sat back down in front of me.

"I went with Jacob when he went to Seattle to order Bella's gifts. I had it made for you. Edward also helped me talk with Henry to find out what he would like." I huffed. "Guess I'll have to let Crabby off this time."

Rose giggled at my name for Edward as she tore into the package. Inside the box was a platinum mother/son pendant and chain. The artisan had fashioned the pendant in the likeness of the Madonna and child. It was an exquisite piece, but it still didn't outshine Rose. The joy on her face was mesmerizing. I repaid the honor of placing the jewelry around her graceful neck.

She smiled up through her lashes. "Em, I love you." I reached over and captured her lips with mine. Very soon, the only thing between us was the gifts we had fashioned. And the scent of daisies. Damn it.

**Author's Notes:**

**I apologize for the delay in posting. I wanted to post both Henry and Emmett's chapters in the same week. I have to say - wrapping up my first multi-chaptered story comes with a little sadness. FT came out of a reader's request for out-takes from Harvest Moon - I don't think she knew what would come from such a simple request. If you have ideas - send them my way. I can say that although I conclude at least this story with a little sadness - that the joy of not having to come up with anymore clever gifts outweighs the sorrow. **

**Thanks to fellow country girl, winterstale, for helping me figure out what Rose would get Emmett. Her avatar was my inspiration. It is a small world when two individuals who grew up so close to one another, and now live in the same metropolitan area can find each other over Twilight. **

**Again, I cannot say enough good things about my two betas:**

**CullenFest - for her patience with me and my anxiety about writing. She keeps me sane! Visit her stories for good lemony experiences. She specifically wrote one of her chapters on Loving Edward for me - she is a doll. **

**Crmcneill - for his mighty red pen, and help in mapping out strategy. I have attempted to convince him that he needs to give up his day job and start a editing business. Help me in my quest! If you haven't read his story Downward Spiral you are missing an experience. It isn't a happily ever after story, but is an excellent read!**

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	12. Henry One Year Later

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer created it all.

A/N: Dedicated to Starla1979 who challenged me to write this.

"Hey, you two, what are you doing?" I asked Emmett and Henry, leaning over the back of the chair to peer over Emmett's shoulder.

They were sitting at the computer, and I realized that they had pulled up one of the astronomy CD-ROMs that Henry received for his birthday. They were looking at an article about the formation of a new supernova that scientists were monitoring. Henry glanced up at the screen, seeing my reflection. A curiously blank look came over his face and he glanced over at Emmett, saying, "Did you hear something? I could have sworn I heard someone talking to us."

Emmett turned and looked around the room, glancing right over me as he did so, and then responded back to Henry, "Huh…I thought I heard something, too. House must be haunted; good thing we're moving soon."

Henry snickered at Emmett's supposition. They turned back to stare at the screen, completely ignoring me. Infernal vampire, and…vampire's spawn. They were going to actually hold me to losing the Valentine's Day challenge. I heard Alice and Jasper come in the door behind me and figured I would at least have someone who would talk with me. Alice skipped toward me with a big smile on her face, and I responded in kind, grateful that she wasn't going to make me deal with the silly requirement Henry had imposed.

To say I was mad when she skipped by me, heading straight to Henry and Emmett, was an understatement. I did see Jasper's lips quirk slightly as he passed me, which seemed to be the biggest acknowledgement I was going to get.

I started back up the stairs, stomping my foot on each individual one and mumbling under my breath about what I thought of Emmett McCarty Cullen, and his son. I heard said son's giggles as I reached the floor on which our rooms were located. I wrenched the door to my and Em's bedroom open and then slammed it closed as hard as I thought it could withstand. Flopping down onto the bed, I threw my arm across my face and began to run through the memories of the day that had started my torture.

It had been a traditional Valentine's Day with the Cullens. We were merciless in our gifts to each other, as usual. The addition of Edward, Bella, and a walking, talking, calculating Henry, complete with his side kick Anna, were the only changes from the previous year.

I had been extraordinarily proud of Henry because of his ingenuity and finesse in finding gifts. He won the winner's rights because he had not only remained stoic through the whole affair, but also because he had spent absolutely nothing on any of the gifts he gave. He had connived; sweet talked, or just plain begged his way into acquiring each and every one. I never thought he would turn it around on me, but when I saw his face I knew I was being paid back for his birthday party.

Carlisle and Esme had drawn first place, and I actually heard Jake groan about he and Nessie getting second. He was hoping to get through the gifts early, as he had done the year past. We should have known by the first gift from Henry to Esme that we were in for a ride. It was in a large wrapped package, obviously a box, and the very distinct odor of rotting organic matter emanated from it.

Esme handled it with extreme care; not knowing what to expect. She knelt down on the floor when Henry told her to not tip it over. When she tore through the burlap wrapping, she found a wooden box full of dirt. In Anna's flowing handwriting, the phrase _Esme's garden_ was painted around the wooden sides, with various flowers, bugs and butterflies in attendance.

Esme had looked over at Henry quizzically until a pinkish tendril squirmed to the top of the soil. She shrieked, leaping through the air to land in Edward's lap across the room. Emmett burst out laughing from the look on Esme's face, not caring that he immediately was thrown out of the running. He'd never won, and didn't care, because he enjoyed laughing at the participants' reactions and gifts, much to Alice's consternation.

Several other worms joined the first on the top of the soil, responding to the light that was coming through the windows.

"It's a worm farm, Nana. Charlie helped me make it from some of the left over wood he had from other projects. He took me to Billy's old gardening spot to dig up the starter soil, and we specifically picked through the worms to find the best ones to start the process. He and Ms. Sue said that they will give us the scraps from their kitchen to use. Actually, it's technically called vermicomposting. Since you're constantly teaching about the environment and ways to be environmentally friendly I couldn't think of a more appropriate gift."

The room was deathly silent, but Carlisle's facial expression said he was about to join Emmett in the disqualified list. Esme was extremely embarrassed from having overreacted. Although worms were not her favorite creatures, she ran into them regularly while gardening and had never reacted thusly. She elegantly slid off Edward's lap, dusting off her pants as she sniffed, "It just startled me, seeing it from my peripheral vision."

"Of course, Esme; no one would dream you were afraid of a few red wrigglers," Edward said with mock seriousness.

She swatted him quickly before walking back over to where her 'gift' sat, the rich soil undulating with the worms contained within; the rotting smell emanating from various pieces of food that were now visible within the soil.

Henry spoke up with enthusiasm, beaming at his grandmother. "The best thing is that it'll serve two purposes. It'll make very rich compost for your flowers, but it'll also serve as a breeding ground for some very juicy worms for us to take fishing. Charlie indicated that, by this summer, when we go on our trip, we should have plenty to divide and take with us."

Edward looked over to Henry and I could see the apparent delight in his face, although he had yet to make a peep. I knew what he was so clearly tickled about. Henry had utilized Edward's tactic from last year. He had given Esme a gift that she was guaranteed to keep, but in the process she would have to deal with rotting food scraps (one of a vampire's worst scent nightmares), and it would produce the worms she would hate to touch when they finally did go on the fishing trip she and Carlisle had planned. From the look on Edward's face, Henry knew exactly what he was doing, and yet he sat before his grandparents with a faultless innocent expression.

Henry's façade of innocence began to crumble when Carlisle had finally got around to his present. The trademark pink box was decorated with kiss marks (courtesy of Anna) and large black X's. Carlisle opened it and pulled out a pair of red silk boxers. The boxers had white hearts all over them and, at first glance, it would have seemed an almost appropriate gift for Valentine's Day. Well, if they were coming from Esme, that is…

Upon closer inspection, the white hearts that covered the red silk boxers contained messages penned in black permanent marker. Witty repartee like: Bite Me, Love Doctor, Freud Rocks, CC & EC 4-ever, Sucks Life (which took me a moment to figure out was an intentional slam on Carlisle vampire nature) instead of the traditional Life Sucks, and my favorite – Trust me; I'm a Doctor. These and various other combinations had been finely printed across each and every heart. Carlisle had raised his face toward Esme and she arched her delicate eyebrow at him in subtle challenge. I was guessing a repeat of from last year's escapades would be occurring at the first available moment. Emmett and I might possibly need to go ahead and call a hotel for them in Seattle and send them along their way.

"Aunt Alice got those as a free gift when she went to that girly shop at the mall for her Valentine's Day present for Jasper."

Jasper's eyes snapped up, and a truly anticipatory look washed across his face as his face as he gazed with expectant hunger at Alice. Alice knew Jasper had a soft spot for racy lingerie, and she used it at every opportunity to surprise him. We were only going to have about ten percent of Jasper's attention for the rest of the evening, and I didn't have to be a mind reader or an empath to know what was going to occupy his thoughts. Edward threw a pillow at him from across the room, startling him back to reality.

I learned later from Anna that she had helped Henry to come up with the sayings and penned them herself to the underwear. She had admitted to her embarrassment in doing this, and I warned her to hang on for a wild ride. She was a part of this family now, and she might as well get over the shyness or she was going to become a target.

I laughed as I looked at the ceiling in my bedroom, remembering running into the same boxers a couple of days later when I had gone into their room to retrieve a shirt for Esme. Carlisle had utilized a hanger and put the shorts on the back of their bedroom door. A black silk arrow had been hot glued to a safety pin and that said arrow had been pointed to the Love Doctor heart. I really didn't want to know…truly.

We'd all heard at least part of the "doctor's house call" the night of Valentine's Day. Alice had screamed, causing laughter to explode from various parts of the house. Esme and Carlisle ran into the woods chortling, as Alice yelled out the window after them that leaving would help everyone but her. She had shaken her head with a mischievous smile the next morning when they returned. As much as my family probably thought I regretted not being "special" with my prima donna complex, I was immensely grateful that I didn't have Alice or Edward's gifts. It was bad enough that we could hear everything without having to deal with the visuals.

I smiled and rolled over onto my stomach, remembering the satisfied look on Esme's face when they returned the next morning. My eyes were drawn to the picture of Henry and Nessie that sat prominently on my side table. I reached over and grabbed the picture, running my fingertips across the laughing faces.

Alice had captured them on Esme's bench down by the river. The sunlight filtering through the clouds turned their skin luminescent; highlighting Henry's hair blue/black and Nessie's liquid gold. They sat reading together, and something in the story had tickled them. Alice had captured the moment perfectly. It was one of my and Bella's favorite photos. They were thicker than thieves, and a source of constant amusement and worry for us with their super intelligence and quizzical natures. It was said quizzical nature that Henry utilized to annoy Nessie during the celebration.

After Carlisle's moment, Nessie had picked up the reins and began opening her gifts. When she reached Henry's, she was stumped by the large box. I had originally thought that the present was Carlisle's gift to her, due to the medical packing tape that had been utilized to secure the flaps on the Biohazard box. Instead, it was purely a Henry Cullen special. Beakers and test tubes, droppers and stirrers, slides and covers; a scientist's delight and exactly perfect for Nessie's experimental nature. I was about to complain when Jasper stepped in.

"Hey, that's a perfect gift for Nessie. What's the catch? Or are you down on your game, Henry?" Henry had just pursed his lips and indicated with a wave of his hand that Nessie should continue to explore the box.

The quirk was at the bottom; two smaller packages – one was a fire extinguisher and protective eyewear, and the other was a small lab coat. Nessie's face turned red when she saw the eyewear and lab coat. Henry had obtained fake grey hair from somewhere and fashioned tufts of bushy hair at the tops of the goggles. The lab coat had "Dr. Nesstein" stitched finely across the pocket, and then a quote from Albert Einstein was finely penned just above that in the same black ink used for the boxers. It read: If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

Edward roared in laughter at the look on his daughter's face, ejecting him from the game. She had been busted. She was known to be dogmatic about her theories, and was known to question the facts first, even in the face of adamant opposition and failure of her experiments. Unfortunately for us, Nessie was almost always right when it came to her theories, but it took experiment after experiment to dispel the faulty facts. Emmett had labeled her Dr. Nesstein in response to her persistence, and teased Bella about her parentage – intimating that Bella must have had an affair with one of Einstein's spawn.

Someone, I was suspecting either Jacob or Anna, had drawn an incredible likeness of the scientist on the back of the lab coat and Henry had written further Einstein quotes surrounding it. "Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them." "It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education (a direct reference to both Nessie and Henry's complaints about their home-schooling)." "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." And one of my favorites, considering how the two of them covered for each other: "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."

The fact that Henry had placed it all in a Biohazard box was also a stroke of creative genius. The two were both hazards to most any form of life that got too close to their experiments.

"I went with Papa to the office the other day, and I met one of the nurses that stops by there all the time." Carlisle looked down sheepishly as Esme giggled under her breath, but Henry continued on. "She thought I was cute and asked if I wanted an ice cream. I couldn't hurt her feelings so I went with her, figuring I could ditch the stuff. On the way down, she stopped by the lab to introduce me to the techs there, and they were clearing out some old equipment. They also had the lab coat that had been sent as a sample and were delighted to let me have it, since it was too small for anyone else."

Henry looked over at Emmett, wriggling his eyebrows, and it was apparent to everyone that he had charmed the technicians out of the equipment.

Then, as an afterthought, he said, "Papa, I forgot to mention that the nurses think I'm your son. I heard them talking, wondering how you and Nana hid me from them all this time. Several of them think you might have had an affair with someone, since I don't look anything like you or Nana. That caused a flutter, because they began wondering what it would take to convince you to have another one."

Jacob burst out; spewing the Coke out of his mouth and nose down the front of his shirt. He began coughing, attempting to clear the liquid from his lungs, while the rest of us stared in fascination at Carlisle's horrified face. Nessie started beating Jake's back to help him out and picked up the next gift to start us back on the way.

Jacob's gift had been the source of a fight between him, Emmett, and Jasper. When Jacob un-wrapped the package from Henry to find a copy of the new American Idol Encore game for the Wii, Emmett and Jasper jumped at him before a word was even spoken. There was no way they were going to let Jacob sing.

"What the hell were you doing giving that to Henry, Jasper," Emmett roared as he attempted to rip the program from Jacob's hands.

"I didn't know he was going to give it to Jacob, I thought he wanted it for himself," Jasper rasped out, while he attempted to help. Jasper had received the copy as a free gift from ordering so many other programs.

Jacob had huddled into a ball, protecting the box from the two. He began huffing in an attempt to keep from laughing as Jasper began working the mojo on him. Jacob's arm whipped out, grabbing Jasper's legs from under him and knocking him to the floor in an effort to interrupt his concentration.

"Alice, isn't there a rule about stealing someone's presents?" Jacob yelled out, fighting the two of them as best as he could.

"Jazz…" her voice came out softly.

"Damn it," Jasper's voice had barely been discernable, even for us.

Having been released by the Pixie judge's ruling, Jacob flashed over to the Wii, putting in his new game and bringing up the program as we all groaned. Nessie grabbed the pillows around her, putting them over her ears. Jacob began muttering about the song choices and then his voice brightened. "Hey, here's a good one, Hotel California."

He turned toward us excited, ready to start the torture, but instead of the sounds of the guitar strings of the Eagles, a group of horns issued from the machine and the song "I'm Coming Out" by Dianna Ross began blaring.

Jacob turned to the control and again muttered under his breath, believing that he had hit the wrong choice. I saw from across the room him choose Sharp Dressed Men by ZZ Top only to get "YMCA" by the Village People. When he hit "Living on a Prayer" and got The Weather Girls' "It's Raining Men," it was obvious what Henry had done. Jasper snorted and looked over at Henry in dawning respect. Before Jacob could hit the controller again, Alice blurred up beside him and began singing, forcing Jacob to at least join her physically in the show by wrapping her tiny arm around his waist.

I wasn't one to stand back in the wake of an opportunity to embarrass the mutt so I joined them our voices at least helping to mask Jacob's croaking. Esme, Anna, and Bella quickly followed and Jacob was surrounded by the women, unable to leave. The men began throwing catcalls and whistling obnoxiously, and Nessie sat on the couch laughing so hard she was actually crying. Henry watched the whole event with a look of tolerance.

When the song came to a conclusion, Jacob stood glaring at Henry as the animated British commentator announced, "That was quite possibly the worst audition I've ever heard."

"Sounded like a bunch of wolves howling at the moon," Emmett added in at the same time.

Those of us that still hadn't lost on the bet attempted as best as possible to keep from exploding. As Jacob returned to his seat, Emmett and Edward began throwing out further criticisms mimicking the British accent.

"That was horrific; it sounded like a bunch of dying cats."

"I think you should pack your bags, because you're going home after that audition."

"Its okay, Jake. I think you're great. You'll always be a star in my eyes," Nessie said, patting his hand as he sat down beside her, ignoring her father and uncle.

"Really, how could you tell through all those pillows, Ness?" he had challenged, grabbing her to put a kiss on the top of her head.

Even to this day, Henry wouldn't confess which one of the others had helped him reprogram the disk. I was laying my money on the silent one. Anna had remained poised by his side throughout the whole day. I grinned, remembering the only time I'd seen any hint of mutiny in the ranks was when she'd opened her gift from him. She had been kind to him, buying him a t-shirt that said "Stupid is as stupid does." Henry was known to mumble the phrase, his favorite from the Gump movie, whenever he felt any task was below him.

Emmett had labeled her another word for her "nice" gift, but Edward had quickly punched him in the side for being disrespectful. Henry waited anxiously for her to open his gift. It was in a reused baby gift bag from Emily. Anna reached in to pull out a stuffed cougar toy. She looked at it quizzically until Emmett lay down in the floor laughing, saying "That's my boy."

Anna had narrowed her eyes at Henry, finally clueing in on the cougar reference, and he responded by winking at her flirtatiously. Even Carlisle suspiciously coughed into his hand during their exchange.

"Emily received it as a double gift for Gabriel and she told me it was just the thing to give to you," Henry informed her.

"Did she really?" Anna's voice carried her petulance.

Edward's lips twisted, I was sure from Anna's thoughts. "Henry, you know that cougars are solitary creatures, only coming together for short periods of time. You'd better step lightly to avoid being left out in the cold."

"Nah, Anna and I are like peas and carrots," he responded, elbowing her in the ribs and then looked up to see her glaring at him. He swallowed hard, realizing he had to execute a quick plan of "sucking up."

"I think cougars are the most beautiful animals in the world, and that's all I've got to say about that," he ended with a hopeful expression, clearly counting on his flattery and humor to win her over.

She attempted to stare him down, but ended up grinning at his earnest face. "Just remember who knows your secrets."

He had nodded seriously at her, obviously taking her warning to heart. I was a little saddened as I watched my son and the woman that I believed he had already selected as his mate. Not because I felt any animosity toward Anna (actually, my feelings were quite the opposite), but because I already saw how short my time with him would be. My baby would grow up too soon. You could still see him and Nessie change perceptibly by the day. At times, it was too much to consider that these bright and vibrant children would be adults within just a few years. I wanted to beg for more time and I knew Bella felt the same; we'd spoken about it many times. I looked up and caught her looking at me, noting my expression. She shook her head just slightly; acknowledging my feelings, but telling me also that this was not the place for my angst. That day had been about having fun with the family, not revisiting our 'lost' feelings.

Ironically, it was the concept of being lost that Henry utilized to harass his Aunt Bella. She and Edward came after their daughter and soon to be dog-in-law. By chance, Bella opened Henry's present last. It was neatly wrapped in an old Washington state map that he had found in the garage during the beginning of clean up and packing.

Inside were a scrapbook and an old compass. Henry had convinced Alice to give him the scrapbook one evening when she and I were arranging some of the kids' pictures. As we had done with Nessie in the beginning, she and I were constantly snapping pictures and arranging them into albums to create the illusion of a normal childhood for the two. Henry joined us briefly, but when a speculative look had come across his face, I knew we were soon to be dismissed. When he begged for the book, Alice had agreed without a second thought, having purchased a box of them. He disappeared up the stairs with the album under his arm.

The front page of the book had a cleverly drawn picture of a girl, who looked like Bella, with a compass and map in her hands. The title of the book was stenciled down the side. _De Bella and the search for the Fountain of Youth_.

"Aunt Bella, you have to read the story to us, and then show the pictures so that everyone can see what's happening," Henry directed.

The pages portrayed De Bella as she tripped and fell through a series of familiar scenes such as Forks High School, the woods, the beach at La Push, Charlie's house, and our home. The map held in the figure's hand indicated for her to continue following the arrow on the compass. Always at the edge of the pages, where the compass pointed, there would be a tendril of copper colored hair, or the bottom part of a leg, or the back end of a familiar looking Volvo. The pages were exquisitely done.

At first glance, you would have believed that a child had drawn the figures, but on further inspection it was clear that an artist of some caliber had taken on the task of creating the simplistic looking portrayals. I looked up at Jacob's curiously blank face and snickered. It was then that I began to notice the wolves carefully disguised in the foliage. They were sleek and handsome. Suspecting what I did, I couldn't wait to see what the "Fountain of Youth" looked like. Henry's careful penmanship spelled out the troubles poor De Bella faced on her quest … evil pixies, bloodthirsty savages, and the like. The Fountain of Youth was always just out of the poor girl's reach.

Bella's face was a curious mixture of humor and dread. I began to believe she had the same suspicions as I did. When she turned to the last page she snorted before reading the words out loud. "And De Bella cleared the edge of the woods and stepped into the meadow to finally discover her final destination. As the arrow pointed directly forward at the creature before her, only one thought ran through her mind … RUN!"

Bella turned the book so that we could see the final page. De Bella was running for her life out of the area. Edward's look alike stood in the middle of the meadow, but to call him a look alike was a far stretch. The copper hair of the figure stood out around the face like a haystack. Edward's hair looked like he had stepped out of a salon in comparison. But Jacob's embellishments didn't stop there. The gold eyes look like they were shooting daggers as the creature attempted to dazzle the fleeing figure. The creature was slack jawed with obvious fangs protruding, and a large wart sat squarely on the nose. His skin was white - bloated dead whale white - and his scent, well, it was obviously something special because the flowers around him were drooping. Bela Lugosi's vampire was handsome in comparison.

"I must have been rolling around too long with the wolves," was Edward's deadpan response, choosing to focus on the flowers untimely demise.

Jasper coughed, attempting hard to not laugh, but he lost it when Henry looked around the group and explained his gift, "Well, she did keep chasing him down attempting to stay young forever, so the story seemed appropriate."

As the others around her cracked up, Bella rolled her eyes at Henry and held up the compass, shaking it slightly at him in question. "And the broken compass?"

"It isn't broken," he responded cryptically as Bella continued to spin it, watching the needle and attempting to keep the smile off her face.

"Henry, this one keeps pointing in that direction and it isn't even north," she patiently explained, pointing toward the pile of presents.

"Aunt Bella, the purpose of a compass is to help you find your way," he said. Bending down to locate a package, he handed Edward his first gift.

It was a small package, wrapped in comics from the paper. Edward opened the box, and pulled out a cheap Superman logo necklace.

Emmett laughed under his breath and mimicked Edward's voice, "I'm not the superhero."

Jasper punched him in the arm laughing, and threw out his best Bella imitation. "Radioactive spiders bites…kryptonite…"

Edward was glaring at the duo, clearly unimpressed with their banter.

"Ooooh…I get it, you're dangerous," Alice squealed, running over to throw herself at Edward's feet, looking up at him with big eyes and batting her eyelashes at him.

Even Carlisle pitched in, having heard about the conversation from us. "Yes, that's right, I'm the bad guy."

Jasper started laughing; enjoying the fact that Alice was teasing Edward. She reached up, attempting to grab the necklace, but Edward held it over his head. Alice stood up, attempting to get it from him, but Edward wrapped his arms around her waist, keeping her in place and dodging her continued efforts.

"Wait," Bella said, waving at them to get their attention. "Edward, move the necklace around again."

She looked at Edward over the compass as he dangled the necklace in front of him, and then looked over at Henry, "To help me find my way, huh?"

"Yup," he looked back at her smugly.

Bella rose and went over, taking the necklace out of Edward's hands and quickly secured it around his neck before kissing him on the lips. We all looked quizzically to Henry.

"Paul had the necklace and compass in some of his stuff and gave them to me. I used the magnets out of the speakers that Jake removed from Bella's truck and attached a piece to the back of the pendant. Since Bella stole the truck that mama gave to Edward last year, I thought it might be appropriate for him to at least be able to carry a piece of it around."

"And you magnetized the compass to the point toward the pendant?" Jasper guessed.

"Anna and I did. We did the research on the internet. I figured this way Bella would always be able to find him, and the family wouldn't have to traipse across the globe again, chasing him down," Henry announced, acting very serious about the presumption that the compass would be able to guide us. Only...I could see the deviltry in his eyes.

"And we all know how much it's pained him to not possess The Thing. It makes me feel so much better to know he'll be wearing a piece of it around his neck," I added, and then thought silently _like an albatross_.

Edward glared at me. _I hope if he wins that he makes you wear that stupid necklace, Mr. Kent. _He'd narrowed his eyes even further.

If I'd only known, I thought in derision. Edward had lain on the couch laughing for a good half hour when Henry announced I would be the recipient of the honor. Even Alice had traded sides, breathing deeply in relief when Henry made his announcement. She'd had to suffer just like the rest of us, waiting to un-wrap her gifts. It was glorious to have wolves and hybrids running around to mess with her. We'd all taken advantage of having them to go looking with us to block her visions when we selected her gifts. The little pixie hadn't been able to tell just exactly what was going to happen.

Of the gifts that Henry had given, perhaps the one to Alice had been the softest. She opened the box to find a bracelet made out of silver bells. As she lifted it from the box, the tinkling sounds permeated the room. Alice looked up to Henry in puzzlement.

"Aunt Alice, what do you know about the legends surrounding bells?" he asked. When Alice shrugged her shoulders remaining silent, he continued. "When I thought about what to get you, I was really stumped. But then I thought about Jasper and his motorcycle, and I realized he doesn't have a Gremlin Bell."

"A gremlin bell?" Jacob questioned.

Henry rolled his eyes at Jacob as if any everyone should know what a 'gremlin bell' was. "Motorcycle legends indicate that there are gremlins that just love to hitchhike on bikes, and that they steer the rider toward trouble. However, the sound of bells scares them away. Since Papa is always lecturing us about avoiding trouble, I thought it would be a good thing for you to wear them when you and Jasper ride."

Henry then looked at Carlisle, "Papa, want to tell her about the Christian legend regarding bells?"

Carlisle smiled serenely at Henry, and then looked over to Alice. "Bells announce the arrival of peace. Several legends indicate that they were heard throughout Bethlehem on the night of the Messiah's birth. Symbolically, they have been used for the funerals of royalty to send them home."

"Since you were instrumental in bringing Jasper peace, it also seemed appropriate," Henry indicated, tying in Carlisle's information to Alice.

"Don't forget, 'teacher says that every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings'," Nessie added to the teasing. "Maybe Alice is really just Jasper's angel?"

"Well, considering just how many times an angel would need to watch over me, it's good I have my own personal one," Jasper grinned over at Alice.

Clearly unconvinced that his gift was serious, Alice snorted. "I'm not buying it. Henry?"

Henry finally caved. "Well, Tinker Bell has always been associated with the sound of bells, and I realized our own personal pixie didn't have any, so…" he left off, suggestively.

I saw Alice narrow her eyes at Henry and then look over to Carlisle and Esme in an attempt to catch them laughing with the group. She was being bloodthirsty, attempting to eliminate everyone.

"Jasper, maybe you should just start calling her 'Tink'," Emmett offered a suggestion through his laughter.

"That wouldn't be fair to single her out of the group for how she smells unless you are going to do it for everyone," Jacob stated, grinning in amusement.

Edward rolled his eyes at Jacob. "Talk about the pot calling the kettle black, Jacob _Black_."

Ignoring them, Alice looked down at her wrist as Jasper fixed the bracelet onto her. "Henry, this is an expensive bracelet. It's silver, so I'm calling foul on your claim that you didn't spend any money."

Carlisle began to look acutely embarrassed, and Edward's face jerked toward him, and then he began laughing. "One explanation; Carlisle and Esme…and a belly dancing costume."

"And I'm already adding more to the bargain I drove with him for it. Those "juicy worms" are going to be all yours this summer, Henry Cullen," Esme informed him, as the group snickered behind their hands.

Henry stuck his thumb up to her, indicating his agreement.

If Alice's gift had been the soft one, Jasper's had been the most simplistic…or so it seemed at first glance. Henry had found a small, clear window sticker. It was rectangular and simply read, "Make Love, Not War" in psychedelic colors.

"Charlie actually helped me with this one, as well. He had this in his toolbox, along with some others, and I found them when I went looking for tools to build Nana's box," Henry informed us when Jasper looked up at him.

"_Really_," Bella had responded with a doubting expression on her face. "My Charlie…"

It was clear that Bella was having a hard time equating her law-abiding father with someone who would have such a Bohemian possession. Henry nodded his head at her. "He said something about being a 'closet rebel' during his teenage years."

I thought back to the Potlatch celebration we'd done for Jake's father and remembered Old Quil telling stories on Charlie and Billy. It would seem that Mr. Swan had layers, 'like an onion' (the saying from one of Em's favorite movies ran through my head).

"It's for your motorcycle helmet Jasper," Henry offered in explanation. "I thought it would go perfectly on the black, making it really stand out. You're so misunderstood by everyone, that I thought it would remind them that you're a lover, not a fighter."

Most of the individuals in the room were aghast. Exactly to whom was Henry referring? Jasper was particularly deadly in a fight, compliments of the years of preparation and warfare. But as I looked at Henry's face and the earnest expression, I realized something. Henry had a totally different perspective of Jasper. He saw the man that would spend hours in the woods with two braniacs, answering each and every question patiently. A man that would spend the same amount of time staring up at the night skies and discussing history, and astronomy, and yes … warfare as well, but this was clearly a case of the two younger Cullens seeing a side to Jasper that the rest of us were rarely privileged to see. Possibly because my eyes had been so closed by my pigheadedness, or maybe because I'd just proven myself unworthy.

Jasper grinned down in delight at the sticker. "And the catch?" he finally whispered.

"Nothing really, other than I know you make Alice go out with you on the bike when she is particularly mad at you, so I thought if she had to stare at it during the ride it would help your cause."

My snort was joined with several others. Very, very clever…Alice's makeup/makeout sessions generally left Jasper wiped out. Emmett was known to play 'feeling' games with Jasper when he was in such a vulnerable position. Jasper was fairly good natured about putting up with the targeting, because he was generally on such a high from his little fairy. But to increase the chances of the targeting by utilizing Henry's premise of the sticker was a case in pure self flagellation. The look on Jasper's face said he knew it as well. I was willing to bet that the sticker was going on the helmet anyway.

"Can't wait until Charlotte and Peter get a load of that," Emmett grinned over at me, clearly anticipating the razzing that Jasper would experience from the two.

Emmett, my big teddy bear…I'd spent over a half century with the man and I was still discovering hidden depths. For instance, I would have never imagined his large hands cradling a delicate rose bush as if it was china. But that is exactly what he had done as he helped Henry with his real gift to Anna. Henry had fretted for weeks about what to buy her. He was intelligent. He knew he couldn't go overboard with our newest family member, but he wanted to buy something special. In the end, Esme had suggested that he buy her a rose bush that could be kept in a container and transported with us to Seattle when we moved. It would then be planted outside Anna's cabin for her to enjoy for the years we would reside there.

Then had come the arduous task of deciding what color. Red was too obvious; yellow not significant enough; pink too girly and common. In the end, Henry had gone with a white rose in significance of the "purity of his feelings." During the whole conversation, Emmett had cradled Henry in his lap, nodding his head in understanding as they discussed this very serious topic. He had made suggestions on the planter and where it could be located in the house so that it would be protected from the harsh winter, but receive the appropriate amount of sun. We'd driven all the way to Seattle to visit the garden shop, and I wanted to laugh at the discussion they had about which potting soil would be best. Throughout the whole event, Emmett had nurtured the burgeoning feelings of the child he'd held. I was astounded just how much he reminded me of Carlisle, with the patience and wisdom he was showing in raising our son.

When he opened Henry's gift, however, he was pure and traditional Emmett. He pulled the "Astronomy for Dummies" book out of the bag and rolled his eyes. He constantly harassed Jasper for taking the kids into the woods and "staring all googly-eyed into the sky." I knew he didn't really think it was as big a waste of time as he carried on.

"When the Seattle library had their book sale last month, Aunt Bella took Nessie and me. We found it in the pile. The male librarian came over and saw me looking at it. He didn't realize I knew so much, and began talking to me about how astronomy was a solid study for anyone."

Emmett had guffawed at this moment as Jasper nodded his head in agreement of the observation.

Henry continued with his explanation. " 'Helps us relate our past to our future' the librarian said. I began telling him about the newest constellations I was attempting to find and that started a long conversation. He asked why I would be interested in such a simplistic book, in light of my 'superior knowledge' and I explained it was for my dad. Nessie told him that my uncle had to help us learn this stuff. Nessie suggested that possibly this would generate my daddy's interest."

"The librarian had a strange look on his face at this point, and it wasn't until after he gave the book to Henry that we heard him talking with one of the other ladies. He thought that Henry came from a broken home and that the 'uncle' I'd referred to was Henry's stepfather. He said that some 'good for nothing fathers' just didn't deserve what they had left behind," Nessie announced in innocence, but the adults in the room froze momentarily.

Seemingly unaware of the undercurrents, Henry quickly rose and went over to Emmett as he sat motionless with the book in his hand. "Nessie and I went through and added a few instructional aides for you daddy, just to help you out."

Emmett looked down at the first page, and his face unfroze as a grin cracked his face. He turned the book so that we could see their artwork. They had drawn arrows from certain words to the added pictures. 'Star' had an arrow pointing to a simplistic drawing of such an object. Other illustrations included a telescope and nighttime as represented by a moon with wispy clouds across it. Similar pictorial representations occurred throughout the rest of the book.

By far my favorite was the page that discussed the need to have open space in order to practice the art. Henry and Anna had drawn a diagram similar to a football field and utilized the X's and O's that coaches do in a playbook to illustrate how to set up, 'figuring it was something Daddy could understand'. They had managed to 'dummy down' a For Dummies book. It was a riot, and was the end of me in the contest as I burst out laughing. I couldn't help myself due to the incredulous look on Em's face.

"Now you have no excuse, Emmett," Jasper had challenged.

When Emmett had looked up to glare at Jasper, the empath quirked his lips slightly and pointed. "By the way, that's north. Figured I'd help you out a little."

At that moment, Carlisle broke down laughing at Jasper's face. It was a study in seriousness as everyone around us rolled. The others had already lost the competition during other gifts, so the fight was finally down to Esme and Henry. Henry looked toward his Nana in contemplation.

The sounds of the others in the living room below me drug me from my recollections. The rest of the family had finally joined the traitors. I knew that I wouldn't be able to socialize unless I abided by the dictates of my tyrannical son. Rising from the bed with reluctance, I walked over to the dresser. I caught the sight of my face in the mirror and wondered what it had looked like the day of the competition.

I'd had the dubious honor of going last. When I finished opening my gifts I'd realized that I hadn't received one from Henry. I looked up in question to find him standing in front of me, holding a very large box. He smiled serenely, mimicking a very Carlisle-like expression, as he placed it on my lap and went back over to sit with Anna. As I shifted to open it, I heard the distinct sound of metal hitting metal. I gave him a quizzical look. Upon tearing open the box and looking inside; I realized that I was in trouble.

It was what looked to be a steering column and a crown. I pulled them out and realized that they were exactly that. The steering column had a gear welded to the end to form a sort of scepter. The gold 'crown' was made of metal and had red reflective 'jewels' cut into diamonds and circles. Astonished looks met me from the faces of my family.

Henry began to explain. "We all know you're the princess around here, and just recently I realized that you don't have a tiara to wear or a scepter to carry. Seth helped me cut the metal from the truck panels you and Jacob discarded during the restoration of Aunt Bella's truck. We then heated the metal and formed it in the circle before welding it. Seth taught me how to grind the metal to remove the sharp edges and the rust, and I painted it with gold colored Rustoleum. The jewels are pieces of the old tail lights that I cut and ground down into the shapes. The scepter is the steering column you decided not to use. Seth made that for you, by the way."

Edward began laughing hysterically. I heard him mumble, in between gasps, "Your own personal piece of The Thing."

Esme lost her place, joining him. She knew how much I hated Bella's old truck. It had been an eyesore and hadn't deserved to even grace our driveway. The new and refurbished one was barely better. To think I would even touch a component of that vehicle after the perfection of giving it to Edward last year was ludicrous. But as I looked up into Henry's eyes and saw Esme laughing, I knew I was doomed.

So as I looked into the mirror and picked up the crown placing it on my head, I giggled silently attempting to keep the family from knowing just how funny I thought it was as well. I adjusted the crown so that the main jewel, a red reflective R was centered and picked up my scepter remembering Henry's dictate. "Mama you have to wear the crown for the next month whenever we are at home. I'll be your loyal servant, but no one is going to acknowledge you without it."

I turned and went out the door, heading toward the living room. My intent: to bash at least one of the servants in the head with the scepter for listening to his child and ignoring me.

_**To my amazing Betas – without them this story would be a wreck:**_

_**CullenFest – In the midst of your own excitement and possibilities – I'm amazed you take time for me!**_

_**Crmcneill – Always my voice of reason … I'm grateful as always for your patience and amazing editing skills.**_


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